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Thursday, July 20, 2017

Narco Trippin' ~ Poetry / Lyric ~ Fentanyl Diaries

At first...

Finally pain free I rejoice as youthful once again.

Then we dance...
and dance...
and dance.

Never your cadence over bound !

Now I'm changing and rearranging, will you work with me?

My air conditioned cell an icy 65, while I'm a nuclear furnace sweating intensely just dosed, and outside just 8 feet away through plate glass it's 108 !!!

Damn it, I need a bong hit Lord, to keep the sin away ! Keep all this pain at bay !

It all sounds so crazy, this private love affair, a deserved end !... I'm quelled.

Take a look at my MRI !!!

I stand ...

At all much less walk us pure daily miracle...

medical personal equality under a paradigm broken that forgets about the sickly like me,
I was such a good actor,
no one could see me,
for the freak I am.

It's quiet now,
Just like I asked right?
Dying inside,
Nowhere to run and hide,
alone with my pets,
my house of sin,
and belongings,
no one will share this place of mine,
this den of death and antiquity,
a noose on Chris' birthday,
as Chester so did take,
cowards come walk my way,
Forged it seems through fire,
I was born of military pride,
Regal royal blood,
molested by a son of a bitch Muslim his self a victim of such sinister sin,
his school growing up,
The men in charge,
As the Catholic church falls,
and the jihad only grows,
I had hoped to see this nonsense all end,
As sin only begets more sin,
and we all know the theif always steal away your soul in the night in the end,
as we all must one day so sleep,
it's all on these parts as a miserable dream,
however...

within these folds in-between,
I watched the most beautiful and precious of everything,
and oh dear lord the beauty that abounds and rises above all,
certainly must inspire...

Right?

And so listen,
what of faith?

Why within often quiet and alone,
and hurt so worse my best of friends now home,
no harm or foul really.

Others...
unwilling to leave me be,
why must you bother me in my life?,
as I've suffered enough already,
and I'm simply trying to study, write, learn, offer back,
practice principles in preparation,
for one last test,
In which I will want to be so finely prepared as I go home.

The worst contemplation upon any mind is most certainly that if taking a final test all nerves and upon flunking, understanding you will be left out,
not going to heaven... EVER... and that no matter how you tried, in fear you never loved and yet so wasted life crying over suffering and pain instead of knowing your being forged for greatness ahead.

So what now do you choose?

Crackberry Kush has me contemplate these run ins of life with the most certain of all shared destinies ahead where we all shall pass without doubt,
the portal that is death.

and...

As I observe the scales  so sharply out of balance,
I wonder how to counter one last time so that balance and fairness may be restored, however,
perhaps I shall just sit back and observe,
as I already know just how this dance goes,

And

Did I not indeed set all the pieces upon the table?,
So precisely and exactly as I had intended?,
These are all moves upon a table,
no defenses I'll crush my last move,
Precisely as I had so intended.

Like a snake I want to strike,
coiled up powerful and fast,
quickly back to coiling and stringing again,
however many times needed until fallen you have at last.

Paranoid,
I attack,
Right,
I attack,
Wrong,
I attack,
Left,
I attack,
Sun Tzu on deaf ears am I.

Wasted inefficient energy,
wasted intent,
misspent resources.
Ego and Pride never conquer strategy!

It's in my blood that I must fight,
a warriors soul and a heart of a lion,
but weak I am in pain,
Chemistry saves me,
Pharmacology,
a molecule or two,
Changes and changing outcomes,
Factors offered you to overcome,
I feel the heat and the relief,
from the fire and pain of my nerves,
awash in a viral bed of neural sin.

This is all from imagination,
As I skate on the thin ice of a new day,
born again I she'd my old vessel at long last,
I teleport after my telomeres,
A program divine,
shuts this old vessel down,
to get a trade in,
and come back again and again.

So,
Look for me when your here,
You'll know me by my eyes,
Look deep within,
It's where I still reside,
I'll always be your friend.



Excerpt ~ Endings and Beginnings ~ I Am Program

It is loneliest in life just before the metamorphosis. The intensity slowly builds as further and further away old spirits are placed no longer er to keep you hand pulled downward upon this harsh mortal coil. This twistedness of everyone's own sick making, and thank God it has never been the way I see for us all, that a life none should ever see, this greatest of mis-managers of life itself alone at last, alone at last. I don't know how finally I made it here but I feel safer and at peace and calm alone at last, no competition and no wolf too, alone at last. I think I'll now at long last lay down to rest... back like in my youth warm and cozy and safe in mother's bosom loved, as only a mother can, and did. Never again this coziness to be found I lash out in bitter anger first stringing myself down and then all around me this swirling madman I've become with no quell of chemical of even illbess insight, a fury of bitter deep angers may brewing over constant injustices and all the angers of contempt I hold for a god I do brag, failing myself only if which I can speak, but of course I know it's myself the failure within. It's the last laugh upon the self this madness beating me down burning from the neuron, the heart of the cellular nuclear furnace, from where an ember burning bright maybe finally burning out ??? A virus in the death throes, perhaps I am about yo be set free. The others before me so enlightened jumped without patience at any such chance to leave in an instant, however always actually inwardly reserved and timid towards self preservation over threat I've always some managed to stay alive, and pick my friends so carefully, and depart before too much hurt can be spread over me, I'll not be long kept down either here nor there.

Excerpt ~ Endings and Beginnings ~ I Am Program

The Dichotomy of A Nation About To Fall

After wave and wave and wave of disinformation, what tactic do you think best serves its useful purpose next?


First two answers from facebook...

NAME STRUCK 

Stockpile ammo.
Reply46 Mins
Manage

NAME STRUCK

The Truth.
And Love And Peace.
Reply13 Mins



What no one ever cares about in a selfish world is a friend like me looking at my friends at the two extremes, and as I am in the middle I will most certainly just get cut down. Of course, someone will say jump, and how high, and etc. it will just start again elsewhere until we are each caught in a crossfire of sorts. When the heck do we wake up as Americans and get over ourselves? I agree with each of you because I will be exercising the option that guarantees I survive too !!! But better yet I will exercise an option upon which others can at least agree to think through these options well ahead of time before they are executed and then, throw down the gauntlet because I think we are perfectly split divisively at home as in Viet!Nam era days, and precisely orchestrated behind the scenes by a majority of the members of the Democratic Party, I will inject, and in attempt to ensure Another Clinton travesty, but far worse, falling further into the trap being set finally at long last revealed as uncovered and fully criminal without doubt and sadly a debacle we may not time and when as such, weak for the striking too quickly implode as there would be a very swift confusion of power if not prepared and with certain other tactics I cannot discuss, down we go... and trust we are at a Holy was as it has been declared, ask a Frenchman or an Englishman, as they all now surely believe, and so how best do we bridge the personal divides far and long before the wolf is at the door, because trust me when I say not that he is coming, but that he is indeed and in fact lurking far to near.

There are laws in this land, and when these laws are no longer enforced and the citizens get so lax they think that they can do as they please, well you have what we have today, alongside a well orchestrated decades in the making long political coupe of the modern era that was completely defeated, which I clearly predicted before anyone in the media and anyone I heard anywhere, fact !!! Go check my timeline !!! Compare it to any valid legitimate source !!! I have a history of seeing the future and it is being swiftly revealed if you can read past the junk I have written and the other distractions in art. I know who needs to know, knows and things get accomplished exactly and precisely as they should, and that is for certain.

I know for a fact there is massive corruption throughout the entire government because we are splintered but more than anything disrespectful of the law, and myself included I have rather rebellious and cavalier attitude at the same time, but I think we promote those things in America as American as Cowboys with that same fierce determination and drive and the ability to offer up their own lives for change that they each believed in, as I feel, so I kind of feel I know the feeling to a degree. A man just wants to be a man of his own ability to support himself and his immediate kinfolk and to be able to go through a few problems without assinine things like taking a license from a man who has made financial and responsibility mistakes such a child support. When you steal his privilege to drive a motor vehicle, which has nothing at all to do with ANYTHING BUT a way to inflict a harsh penalty for certain but on who ??

who pays for the dead beat dad who when he does decide to help out cannot any longer because of stupid politics, where now you leave the state with the expense, and that means the taxpayers.

Aso, what of those who just do not contribute at al in taxes as so required? Isn't there a law about that? But finances? Can we go after broke people? Too many double standards without foundations of logic and rationale i s all I observe in a nation where we have more people in recorded history incarcerated, however I do not know if that is necessarily the largest percentage of the entire population at any given time being incarcerated, and indeed if it is both, it further more shows only one of two things, that we have a failing correctional system or that criminal s cannot be reformed. The only other conclusion that may exist as an option is one of overall blame and not a solution so much to a current issue with other causation but rather the precise causation itself, and that may be just as a direct result of paradigm that is promised to fail after exceeding a certain population, just as a result of all current systems being unable to sustain mankind on a planet this size with finite resources concerning keeping resources both easily ready and available, so, "sustainable", and equally, less polluting and better preserved or, "

Maybe man has to "war (as a verb) in order to stay motivated to live a vigilant enough to stay driven to thirst for steady work and stability and security, because all too often when a man forgets about the threat of "others' he gets run down, and of course I mean mankind, not man alone himself as an individual per se, but rather every time a society civilized seems to hit a peak, alongside that peak is a steady rise in death and atrocity seemingly also unavoidable as a purely objective statistical fact of mathematics alone, always a proven drawback, and so what do we learn ???

What do we repeat this over and over again?

Is it because a cock strong arrogant leader of worlds gets mowed down before they are able to record their own pitfalls from which to learn from and that next the following "regime" comes along deleting all memory of that past as best possible out of the usual at first hate, fear, and anger, and then just for sustainable power.

It's human t be paranoid and its human for many to desire to rise t the top. It's built into Alpha Male programming as a fact of life, so try and cry as you will, the world will never be perfect snowflakes, and bitch if you will and put others down to you hardcore nazi republican, as though all should be so blessed and as lucky as yourself.

The worst trait of humanity is that we are so very very selfish !!!


I see no hope in any new generation even though I want to, that fact is they are eating this "complete plate of SHIT" up as fast as it can be dished out...walking blindly with their noses into their "smart phones". Perhaps we should just throw all the manhole covers in the world into the rivers and solve this particular problem for good. Snowflakes melt, so no worries about them what so ever. Zealots usually really do explode now, so stay away from each and do not shop at Wal-Mart and America will be well on its way to healing far quicker. Start caring again and let's rebuild small town America fast and rebuild the farming industry dismantled by greedy chemical companies, the same ones monopolizing big pharma through the lawyers and doctors they own. Every aspect of the top of

Donate $5 a month to a charity who is a nonprofit and spends 90% of their total funds on their mission, not CEO's, volunteer, complain less and help more,

America is America because there is no more efficient form of checks and balances than a gun!

America is a Pyramid scheme, is it really a surprise we have a pyramid on the back of the money? It is the exact system we have truly subscribed too, and it's always a party until the house of cards falls, Ask Ivan Boesky or any other famous NY Stock Exchange thief, as only at the slaughter can someone get covered in so much blood money.

Until we somehow replace $$$ as we know and use it so that we can do away with greed and other things, well, these human character defects will persist and more than likely will in one-way shape or form anyway.

I would like to think we are evolving but really we are just simply cycling!

Pay attention to the patterns and always follow the $, at least it is useful to trace these thugs, and if it's a trail that helps weed those  that would cause harm to others, then so let money be that tool too and point that way as we have work to do.

So, yeah...stockpile ammo and then in the meantime while waiting,... try truth, love and ... never mind, I have to load up my gun, I see a hippie.

~ or ~

yeah man, cool bro, I aint carrying no gun, puff, puff, if they want to shoot me, shoot me man, when its my time and I am called up, what can I do, fire back ? No wat man, I ain't like that bro. Right? Yeah, no, right ?

See how we have our minds already made up on both sides???

fukkin' labels.

Labelers

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

RELATIONSHIPS GONE BAD ~ CHAPTER ONE

The woman who admitted in court last week that she's a liar and that she attacked my client emailed that she wants her television back.



In response to the above, writtem by an attorney friend from high school days now out in California...

.... and certainly not perfectly written, as I've spent enough time here it still and will always boggle the mind at least a minimum, but glad to say you can heal, but never fully recover.You can learn but you cannot delete. You best think at least twice about relationships is what I will say. Get to know someone and do not settle for poor personal habits. They unveil poor personal control, low esteem, poor health mentally that will lead to poor health spiritually and physically soon enough, some of those are not just going to be suffered by the alcoholic / addict either !!!

Truth is, from my personal experience, as I was the attacked man and my ex-... well she served jail time; I refused to testify because she had a bad night, ...again, however, she could have killed me with the escalating full blown events and I know I am happier than ever and safe today.

The State stood up on my behalf because these officers had been hear so often watching the battered guy so often asking for help but stopping at anything further...just as I studied I became the batter woman syndrome woman... poorly titled book, and sadly naively in love man,,, at the time... live and learn...

I call it writing fuel...

of your client... she stood tall in her case and just said what she needed to, and everyone wants whatever belongings they think are theirs, especially a woman feeling scorned, and I say this because my ex, yes I still talk to her, or did for a time, I do not anymore as I cut all these types out of my life for good, short of it is she did not remember any of it...

she feels scorned...just ridiculousness from ridiculousness !!! DENIAL

... she grew up an abusive weekend party hard warrior and she never quit... just hid it well as it was not often but almost always epic !!!

... and well she snapped out drinking,

then acted out from fantasy land... straight vodka and she was off to the races and her childhood friends I shielded her from like an angry parent loved to buy her a $6 pint and watch her go... I could still cut them all down in a blaze of bullets and hardly care the way they never cared for her... I told her early on I would never ever go to this one person home the trouble was always centered around. Fighting against certain disease becomes overwhelmingly hostile as time passes because, such as alcoholism, some are progressive, and I understand from others I have gotten the worst of it yet... she is sick getting sicker. ;(

Anyway, she blanked out that night like every time before.

That night those fine men and women, as several responded thankfully, started a process that very well saved my miserable existence at a bare minimum and my life at best and hers for certain for a while longer at least as she had to go get sober in jail and it was finally the miserable experience it should have been and it was indelible, at last, and before, since youth, she rarely ever served any time for a several page record. There were the 911 calls from previous nights, a record of events, a history of multiple assaults against many others, and on and on, I am simply trying to illustrate all of the classical red flags, and I wonder still how me ? not why me? but live we do if lucky and learn we may and I have !!! I am single now for a couple of years working on myself and bettering my positions everywhere and writing a lot,... can you tell..it's what I do along with a few other artsy things as I study life as a scientist from the point of nearly anywhere as an artist. I adore writing and the arts honestly and it has indeed, along with music... lead me to meet some interesting folks is a nice way to say it, and I am an interesting folk to "they" may say... we are all pretty intense as most artists definitely have strong similar attributes... so on and on... again, most importantly, thanks to the fine... it was actually a woman that interviewed me and made her arrest that evening...so thank you, Mam !!! I did not remember that fact until now, that is what intense duress does !!! Triggers pull memories bubbles from far below the depths of the lake of pain we are the are buried and stored far below the lake's floor and when the bubbles are allowed to surface, more healing has taken place ! This thread from facebook indeed offered release that no single person can force out alone... everyone will need this type of help one day, understand the area ahead now and understand what coping mechanisms are, develop them, and now where to seek more through other professionals, and if you refuse professional help ever your are only hurting yourself.


I am now today very happy over all and have a few worthwhile women in my life that I adore as love interests but that are simply friends, as I need to re-learn to dance so to speak because I want romance like a beautiful slow dance... like my parents made look so simple I truly never once considered the horrific what ifs...and I lived them with two wives, far different than this unbelievable episode. My life reads as truly horrifically unbelievable when e and I am thankful I am learning to walk again here... no matter who is the victim or the attac the er, damage is done two both sides...wow...emotional ride of experience but perhaps of interest with this topic as I see logic and rational in an upside down plastic world that makes less sense more often than not today !!! But never in these cases...the symptoms are classic once able to be observed.

One of the saddest paragraphs I have ever read was her sweet daughter's several paragraphs about waking up with an alcoholic Mother...damn it. I pray she is well today and quelled a broken life from early all the way until now. She is a smart woman and a miracle in so many ways and wants to be the oldest graduate from Harvard because she knows if she ever makes it she will be ancient because the gals that are born and raised broke in these hills where I reside today rarely escape. some treacherous families of extreme broken ignorance and abuse she escaped from, kind of, but damage like this are lifelong and coping mechanisms early on are lifestyles learned at young ages that make your head spin...speaking of heads spinning...well first, I tried to save her... still do to a degree but never again as I did so once, and damn I Paid for it, but I asked for it too I suppose. She does not remember throwing the cell phone on ay my head another night,,, it hit right on the corner as a perfect throw at high speed should and what aim, I should have signed her to a pitching contract that night !!! Well, the scar is right there like a John Travolta dimple on my forehead right in the center... you know another character mark.

I asked her once,... why did she have to make sharing love so very complicated? ... this something so simple.

Fallen ~ Poetry / Lyric ~ MobiusTripz

I've been in trouble in heaven above,
and so here I reside fallen below,
suffering the human experience until again so pretty as to return,
further forged and redefined,
forgive these character defects and short comings, these sins.

Soon I set sail,
I feel it,
this further slipping away,
this anticipated,
this excited feeling coming,
over my suffering,
I may just eat a shotgun,
so to speed it up
Oh but, can fall farther than this,
SO rebellious,
Fuck you and a punch in your face,
If I think date you threaten me.

Falling,
I care not much anymore for another,
In fact indeed I hate you all,
Imperfect and sickening each,
Greedy $$$ filled dreams,
Snot covered children,
Screams, screams, screams,
Your ends coming,
Karma is an earthly reality,
An experience upon our way,
Try to start to do some good,
The tide shifts in favor fast even against so much so bad,
Hey, look, yet I breathe.

My brethren are stopping all around. I speak to them often and then silence and obituary for the eyes to follow so I pray to God above I love I so eased their way and soon I'll see you again, better than I was before, stubbornly still though here finished I shall never be until that time do verily precise you will have me home may I work hard to so honor you somehow,
because in all this is am list and broken and dying and unloved and lost and hated and failing upon my way on human eyes when all my intent is to enjoy life with others upon thier so you selfish greedy way, I understand this selfish greedy way, as Capricorn am i this cruel joke on me, an forever I rebel it's my life it sets me do very free.

I'm free.

You will never rule me.

A soul is your own and do stand for something, freedom for all over misery, let there be no misery, never a question of $ over life. Smash and replace broken paradigms. The greatest gift of a soul, a life,ba body with a personal brain a responsibility so use it and treat yourself in your journey and others well, judge not it's true as in all religions this lesson taught sadness such confusion today, this mortal coil, or mortal misery.

I've been in trouble in heaven above,
and so here I reside fallen below,
suffering the human experience until again so pretty as to return,
further forged and redefined,
forgive these character defects and short comings, these sins.



A Poem Above and A Letter Below Before I Kick It

Got up to take my medicine stood up and forgot why I got up and put my slippers on so I got back under the covers curious why I made myself cold it got crazy and then I realized oh yeah I have to take my medicine. But now I'm back under the covers and I don't want to get up again ... Oh God... You must obey God PS but I have to say something I do want to get up again honestly I didn't mean that see I remember I have to be careful what I pray for but I am weak and I'm like an emotional time bomb with all this prednisone then I have the mind of well I won't say anything I'll be offensive to somebody because that's everybody today and I'm tired of everybody today I just want to curl up in a ball and die but not really you know just for a minute because I'm an emotional mess and I can't remember a thing and I'm stressing and instead of being unless unless Pharmaceuticals I'm going in the wrong direction am I I'm only on more and more Ando prednisone prednisone prednisone my rheumatologist gives me this much and we are careful and I wean myself off but now my PCP gives me a massive dose and I think of my best thought this morning I will call my rheumatologist and let her be aware of this because oh my God you just don't know and you don't want to ever know please life of nothing but pure Pharmaceuticals from birth to death without doubt this will be my generation it has given me life though because without it I would have died a baby so you live to fight when you're supposed to shut up and be tough and not talk about it in and why you watch your friends drop around you like flies you all die nobody's there nobody cares it's not unlike war and you're just alone right before that moment when you're not in this place anymore.

I will say a poem above with a letter below.

I can't write anymore because I have a River of Tears and people that I've let down that look at me for where they stand and they're all around and I'm a failure but I was just trying to live clinging to life.

Shorty just died... his birthday was December 25th and mines December 24th and it always felt like we were from some Same Spirit of the same cloth if that makes sense we were alike so much and just fun guy to talk to and I'm glad he's not suffering here at this shity place and who should NY to what point make all these others lives and so happy before their shity and they died too cuz we all end up in a f****** meat grinder and so you know what trying to be nice to one another and quit letting money destroy everything because that's all it really does and it's easy to look back and see the root of all evil it's so if any words mean anything realize those words that money is the root of all evil because that's the truth and it is just a tool Missy used too often and there must be better regulations or money must be done away with it's that simple killing a race of people or all Bankers or a certain class of people is not an answer its money alone that is the root.

I'm going to kick it soon permanently and I've got a lot of friends around me that just did and that's why I'm crying my eyes out to thank God for voice recognition in really that means thank God for giving us so many beautiful scientific Geniuses mathematical Geniuses be they learned it or be they not with whatever contributions they need to have made recognized or not so that we all may enjoy these handheld devices soon to be implanted soon to be just normal neural networks one day in Android people and then that to that Civilization too shall be quelled and then what will be next will be that's the way the cycle goes try to make the best of what you have which is your life today and try to treat yourself well so that you will have a tomorrow in which to treat others well.

Peace

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Moving Forward Fast ~ Poetry/Lyric ~ MobiusTripz

Once,
all colorful flowers in different geometric bloom,
this brilliant celebratory garb,
celebrating in the light bathing us each,
our golden glowing faces,
our spirit within,
that time now our past,
slowly we dance together,
then apart,
as we fade,
now withering,
returning to the earth,
from when we came forth time and time before,
this time already analysing,
looking back on what was,
and now can never again so be,
in this life ours once again,
returning together we will,
again to dust and so forth again we shall become,
these cycles repeating,
I'll see you again,
life and love manifests,
I love you so,
our time together so spent,
I hope I'll see you each again,
so very, very, soon.