I decided to quit drinking when none of my drinking friends were still alive. I can't say it's much easier from this perspective that's for sure. I don't know how I was able to say goodbye to so many friends this year and stay sober. I finally value life above alcohol. I'm home sick puking my guts up blowing up my ass and not well in any way in these last few days have been painstakingly gut-wrenching to take. and somehow my housemate is still the same as I heated up going to the hospital and he is like me he doesn't like the hospital . if there is but one Angel and who have I been Wicked to the most but still why would you treat me this way here at this point in our lives ? So this one death, is a deep look into my past and another one of which brought me to some of those places which I hold dear in my life no matter the circumstance because we were just guys trying to survive and offer back to our. communities. The wind, it shakes and shatters my windows this already long cold beginning 2 winter this cold but chilling and shivery time of year full of tears and nothing but sometimes deep blackness. now I am drowning in the blackness. I guess I was supposed to be sober to witness all of this. I always enjoyed a front row seat. Hold on motherfukkers and Merry Christmas. Our country just lost John Glenn but I lost Jamie Ferguson and Lonny head, two patriot brothers, passionate too and hurting so full of the love they have. We will miss you fine men, my brothers, my friends.