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Wednesday, July 19, 2017

A Poem Above and A Letter Below Before I Kick It

Got up to take my medicine stood up and forgot why I got up and put my slippers on so I got back under the covers curious why I made myself cold it got crazy and then I realized oh yeah I have to take my medicine. But now I'm back under the covers and I don't want to get up again ... Oh God... You must obey God PS but I have to say something I do want to get up again honestly I didn't mean that see I remember I have to be careful what I pray for but I am weak and I'm like an emotional time bomb with all this prednisone then I have the mind of well I won't say anything I'll be offensive to somebody because that's everybody today and I'm tired of everybody today I just want to curl up in a ball and die but not really you know just for a minute because I'm an emotional mess and I can't remember a thing and I'm stressing and instead of being unless unless Pharmaceuticals I'm going in the wrong direction am I I'm only on more and more Ando prednisone prednisone prednisone my rheumatologist gives me this much and we are careful and I wean myself off but now my PCP gives me a massive dose and I think of my best thought this morning I will call my rheumatologist and let her be aware of this because oh my God you just don't know and you don't want to ever know please life of nothing but pure Pharmaceuticals from birth to death without doubt this will be my generation it has given me life though because without it I would have died a baby so you live to fight when you're supposed to shut up and be tough and not talk about it in and why you watch your friends drop around you like flies you all die nobody's there nobody cares it's not unlike war and you're just alone right before that moment when you're not in this place anymore.

I will say a poem above with a letter below.

I can't write anymore because I have a River of Tears and people that I've let down that look at me for where they stand and they're all around and I'm a failure but I was just trying to live clinging to life.

Shorty just died... his birthday was December 25th and mines December 24th and it always felt like we were from some Same Spirit of the same cloth if that makes sense we were alike so much and just fun guy to talk to and I'm glad he's not suffering here at this shity place and who should NY to what point make all these others lives and so happy before their shity and they died too cuz we all end up in a f****** meat grinder and so you know what trying to be nice to one another and quit letting money destroy everything because that's all it really does and it's easy to look back and see the root of all evil it's so if any words mean anything realize those words that money is the root of all evil because that's the truth and it is just a tool Missy used too often and there must be better regulations or money must be done away with it's that simple killing a race of people or all Bankers or a certain class of people is not an answer its money alone that is the root.

I'm going to kick it soon permanently and I've got a lot of friends around me that just did and that's why I'm crying my eyes out to thank God for voice recognition in really that means thank God for giving us so many beautiful scientific Geniuses mathematical Geniuses be they learned it or be they not with whatever contributions they need to have made recognized or not so that we all may enjoy these handheld devices soon to be implanted soon to be just normal neural networks one day in Android people and then that to that Civilization too shall be quelled and then what will be next will be that's the way the cycle goes try to make the best of what you have which is your life today and try to treat yourself well so that you will have a tomorrow in which to treat others well.

Peace