It is loneliest in life just before the metamorphosis. The intensity slowly builds as further and further away old spirits are placed no longer er to keep you hand pulled downward upon this harsh mortal coil. This twistedness of everyone's own sick making, and thank God it has never been the way I see for us all, that a life none should ever see, this greatest of mis-managers of life itself alone at last, alone at last. I don't know how finally I made it here but I feel safer and at peace and calm alone at last, no competition and no wolf too, alone at last. I think I'll now at long last lay down to rest... back like in my youth warm and cozy and safe in mother's bosom loved, as only a mother can, and did. Never again this coziness to be found I lash out in bitter anger first stringing myself down and then all around me this swirling madman I've become with no quell of chemical of even illbess insight, a fury of bitter deep angers may brewing over constant injustices and all the angers of contempt I hold for a god I do brag, failing myself only if which I can speak, but of course I know it's myself the failure within. It's the last laugh upon the self this madness beating me down burning from the neuron, the heart of the cellular nuclear furnace, from where an ember burning bright maybe finally burning out ??? A virus in the death throes, perhaps I am about yo be set free. The others before me so enlightened jumped without patience at any such chance to leave in an instant, however always actually inwardly reserved and timid towards self preservation over threat I've always some managed to stay alive, and pick my friends so carefully, and depart before too much hurt can be spread over me, I'll not be long kept down either here nor there.
Excerpt ~ Endings and Beginnings ~ I Am Program