A Good Cry Always Helps ~ Cyborg∆Steve

I rarely have doubt about my health and the future, but right now is the lowest low since August of 18.

I just keep getting more bad news outside of life and feel like I have already been climbing the steepest Mountain in recorded history and like it feels like it keeps getting steeper and steeper.

It's great to know love, to know I loved, and to know I was loved back a bit too perhaps.

I've cried a lot today... I get pretty twisted in the head and mental when ill.

It cycles through regularly and I actually fought it off each time, but it comes back, seemingly stronger.

Last time I wait stubbornly to heal, and that didn't go so well.

So far, my heart not involved, otherwise...im back where I was precisely almost. I feel the same as then, but not stressed as bad in life, but still terribly terribly badly and things I cannot always disclose.

I'm hurting and in tired but I also feel like  own this house! I also have you each that truly have carried me! May I learn to be even more worthy and productive.

As I take these whippings, I know I'm stronger x10 where I'm headed.

A good cry flushing out nasty chemicals has never left me feeling worse! I cannot control that aspect of me. I can not talk at funerals often as I cry like a baby and have shot pour outta my nose ;(

Crazy emotional and passionate. I feel everything.

Blossoming, and then... Epiphanies ~ Cyborg∆Steve

Life, finally blossoming, at so very long last, I do believe. Patience... it takes time to learn. I pray to become a Master of many things, perhaps in more time, to something a doctor, but who upon me this crown would so offer if I dared to earn? I want to build a castle and an empire, a palace for all mine family to live, be they mine close, extended, or by law. I want all my friend and welcome guest to visit welcomed to stay always too, and will stand and protect each and all on turn, by for specific rule of respected law as time evolves in moments, as again, patience takes time and a masterpiece is under construction, and if law so not respected swift consequence always dispersed as quickly as so proven known? Your trial has already started, how now will you behave ? Will you be the prize winning royal purple rose hybrid of Love, or the clippings left behind forgotten to decay? Of order graduated after having been raised and risen, or choose you moral decay? Your in view already for all to view, and so see upon your stage, you've lived your entire life already this way. I pray you see your life as others see you and not you as your selfish self each we are.

Running Like the Wind ~ Cyborg∆Steve

My day started at 730 a.m. after four hours of sleep, and it's ending about now. Wow... been ages sense I could run like this. Physically, I'm just beat to a pulp but shared great events with incredible folks. Worth it. Time to rest the tired bag of bones I am until I can energize upwards and dance upon the breeze again with family and friends, no better place truly to in this present gift, be. I'm enjoying new fresh beginnings upon foundations of continued healing, and may I continually learn to follow the examples before me in spite of myself and a far better man than I've been, become.

What and incredible few days, truly.

Blessed in the most perfect of company, my family becomes my spine my heart and spirit, all.

I've not a complaint anymore, when I remember these grounding realities and instead move in God's Grace and as hos presence again at peace and in peace too, at last... never of ill will or intent, nor action upon life so acted or for the taking.

Please, sincerely tell a family member and a friend something kindly honest and lift their spirit in compliment of verbiage simultaneous with action of your personal choice and intent that another should so deserve an action from and of you, a gift, to serve them in the moment or future, as the spirit within you we each hear shall so demand. Who do you think your listening too?

Practice Love, especially so if sin has been your way and lot. Be of honest sound conscience and embrace change now that you'll instead serve the Light which promotes Life, understanding anything else is merely and simply manipulative lie, denominations divide.

What denomination would Jesus or Muhammed, or David have you be, silly mortal?

Practice the religion of "Positive Action", whoch promotes Life, Again, All Else Is A Lie!

Live a life of inertia with gusto and passion.

Blessed & Prayers Means What To The Scoffer

Blessed are they that leave the drug and booze and return to life and family and friends restored, are they not?

I hear they that scoff at blessings and prayers, however are you blind to the truths on your own very life, truly?

Why would one shun anothers goodwill so desired upon them? Why laugh at it.

Are you not blessed to be in the good thoughts of another, to be so cared for in the way?

It's a strange devolution to watch these understandings slipping so swiftly away.

Are you not blessed if you eat well?

Even if there were only a single language, with each word having multiple meanings, do we have to wonder why the confusion?

It's amazing what we can do on the same page!

What's wrong with this deeper greater discipline when so practiced which bears the most and finest fruit?

Scoffers, the uncaring, the sinister, the rotten.

Lift them up now, or bury them properly no matter blessed, never forgotten.

Lift them up!

Love

Blessed are they that leave the drug and booze and return to life and family and friends restored.

Blessed are they that leave the drug and booze and return to life and family and friends restored.

Clash of Cultures

Are we not already at the day and age of clashing cultures, hi-tech vs. the biological free thinkers?

Health & Choice

I laugh at those that want a Ferrari but take not care for and of themselves. What of their discipline and picture and value of self is missing? Health is a perspective and a continiual practice. What can you have in poor health?

I see others ill, survivors, everywhere.

Choces & consequences.

Cause & effect.

Fluid lives awash in action, or inaction.

Let's Find Another In the Middle, and Take That Road Together ~ Cyborg∆Steve

The real question today is, after these despicables many are all gone, and it's quite obvious we will never deal with their type in totality again, who will truly lead?

We have much to answer for as a responsible society that needs to quickly learn how to make swifter more efficient and feasible progress and remove ALL of the criminals from our highjacked systems of governance and it's institutions.

That's a broad and all inclusive statement if you didn't notice.

The new sherrif always comes to town, one day.

Prayibg fir healing and understanding and respect and tolerance from and for ALL, too.

Let's find another in the middle, and take that road together !

Revelations of A Cyborg ~ Cyborg∆Steve

What's on others timelines that wasn't suppose to be seen?

Alternate Facebook would be fun, where all that can't happen here, can there.

Revelations.

They are happening today, digitally... all around.

Pay Attention Objectively.

If your reacting emotionally, your spiritually immature on the subject matter. Grow and watch do that others can be seen for who they are, as they reveal themselves to you.

Everybody is a fucking actor.

Show me the genuine real McCoy! I know them when I see them because I was raised by them.  They don't get "shown", they silently do the work that is needed to propel life forward and to promote that life for more and more people because they care and educate and challenge themselves and show up no matter what.

I was raised by two Knights and an artist. You laugh, but laugh not, for it's true. My father and my brothers are honorable Black Knights of West Point, and I've no better an example ever to follow of men that are of their word and also not of themselves, truly selfless.

I'm always in awe of them, and I'm glad I don't quite measure up, because it challenges me and empowers me to rise to heights never before known to myself, and it's okay to accept all that this journey is.

It's ok to be a Black Sheep amoung Black Knights, as I'm similar, just not yet, back then, evolved. I'm praying now ive, at very long last, arrived. In sorry I've served only myself. I've been, an entire life, ill. It's not called an excise, it's a fact. Many have healed me and I've walked in Faith with patience, but anger too. Now, thankful and no longer fighting against that which is good for me, at long last. Not fighting against all of you.

I'm starting to feel new, indeed, re-newed. Amen. Let It Be.

Destiny ~ A Cyborg's Journeys ~ Cyborg∆Steve

It was tough hearing two of my old golf buddies, half of our foursome of years ago, are in nursing homes. Damn ;(

I'm determined to fight with everything I've got to avoid that certain eventual definite transformation, and it hurts to hear this news still a few days later, however I must let it motivate me to work even harder at gaining the upper hand on my health at every single cost, or there will be nothing more... which, in time, I will too accept.

I love these guys, and although life went in different directions, my love never waned nor departed.

Mike and Robbie, I thank you for guiding me in a lost struggle of early manhood, helping me to find some footing and guiding me towards soaring to my own heights. I pray to are blessed and depart sooner than later that you may suffer little more, and hold a tee time for me and Rich.

Rich is 71, and he us still Rich!

I sat alone after talking to Rick for the first time in 22 years, I believe.  Unchanged and as active and lively as ever. He too was, and certainly still is and will be, another of my guides that's been completely instrumental too, as they, and it felt great to chit chat face to face at the picnic. It was light and heavy hearted all at once. It took my energy and made me in an instant shy.

I departed to a lone picnic table, isolated.

I sat there a while. I needed to. I cried and laughed and took pictures and watched everybody that I missed so long before my eyes again, and this time in my own back yard of youth too. A marriage of two pasts, oddly.

Now, a marriage of my futures finally emerging to reveal the greater gifts so offered on this journey.

My Father, who I just visited, will be 89 this Saturday, and the stars have aligned that he will visit me here at my home in Cumberland, and in so happy to say alongside my brother and his son, my nephew. I'm looking forward to these upcoming times. I barely made it to this place, and it's this community that saved me and let me get to share this extra gift, on top of the gift that life is surely already truly so verily is.

The Fraternal Order of Eagles brought me here. An organization whose motto is, "People Helping People". I knew this was home the first time I came in to the city, with my friend Robbie, also later confirmed as my cousin too!!! and again, my friend of two so mentioned above.

That first time driving into town I didn't hear a voice but, " i  heard a voice",  if you know what I mean and it said you are going to live here. It was only one block away from my house and of course I didn't own the house I live in and that I'm writing in at that time. The hospital that saved my life is right down the street now also and it wasn't there either.

My friends are suffering on their way out but they brought me to a place that saved my life. They were suffering in their own ways back then when we were best buddies and playing golf and working actively together in service and they would bring me to a better place at those times too.

I'm really tired of feeling so desperately helpless but at the same time I'm thankful you know through my own experience that the transformation that is coming is an incredible and exciting journey and nothing to fear but it's nothing to rush either ever.

I don't have all kinds of answers but I guess we all find a fitting end and of course it doesn't look that way from the perspective here but once you're over there on the other side you'll understand. Pain doesn't last forever and you will never know it again after this physical realms existence. You only know of it.

In my world online through Facebook I see two groups of friends where I grew up and where I am living today and that group is starting to overlap which is very fascinating and so are my artistic / musical friends. It's not just my life that's going in that direction because of me it's my life in general and everything around me that has a flow and we are all in a current headed towards the same Destiny and that is a beautiful thing to know because I have been surrounded by some of the most beautiful and inspiring people that I've ever even read about much less to know and to know that we are all going to get to know another makes me want to live for every second I can get. Never selfishly, into only selflessly.

I pray others will understand and appreciate the same type of sentiment and spirit, as when we are all able to appreciate life, we can continue to share it even longer together.

The facts today or that we have the largest retirement community in recorded history heading into retirement and we must let these people out with great amount of self pride remaining intact and with great love and caring and compassion. We must learn from this terrible time we suffer now as this narcotic epidemic or illicit chemical epidemic is Awash upon us, and the lessons here is that we need to stop forgetting about those in our community that are suffering and instead of shunning them we need to learn to embrace them and hold them even closer and safer and that might mean jail or prison and that might mean a mental institution and all of those things should mean another step closer to help and sharing Humanity that we would like to return that population to but we must isolate ourselves from when they remain an imminent and unpredictable threat, as we of an organized society that respect the Law and Order demand.

Where there's an infant without love there is a problem that is growing Roots deep.

Where there is not structure in any part of life, there's time that goes without production or usefulness or mindfulness or of good to the spirit.

The systems have evolved to the place they have today because hidden Society we have learned that thus far this is what bears the finest fruit for the majority and until there are more fruitful systems then we shall remain in this holding pattern of which today we are quickly emerging into a completely new era but many will not realize it until we are well into it.

We have now and Industrial Age where we don't even need to retool but we can design on Cad and maybe even have machine learning artificial intelligence design that can print parts or and Tire Machines and evolve a line of products through from conception flea market through use and the steps necessary 2 increase efficiency in marketability where quality should never be sacrificed. We should not waste raw materials making inferior products because that is time spent that should have been spent making more useful products that are long lasting. Consumer society today that makes everything disposable is wonderful for capitalism but it's terrible for Mother Earth and makes us poor stewards and we must re-evaluate the way we use our raw materials in our time so consumed so that we find a better balance and still maintain growth in the market places at even higher rates because we are going to facilitate even better ways. Every time I see a place for what others think of essay restriction, I think of an entirely new budding Marketplace and that is like fireworks for my brain that seems to conjure up stuff in its mind like a quantum computer on steroids. Full of more thought than one can imagine mostly in a lifetime my mind can Blast Off in a million different directions in an hour.

I know my friends are still inside, Robbie retiring as an estimator for a Sheet Metal Manufacturing company and Michael having retired after a professional career as an educator teaching mathematics. Two Men I have such great respect for his bodies must be failing, and I've only heard because I have not seen them as I only just found this out.

I think of Timothy Leary's book along with ROM Dass and one other colleague which I can't think of his name right now, and essentially it's a translation of the Tibetan Book of the Dead End of many of the lessons held within one of the most important things to carry away is that we must be good stewards not just to Mother Earth but we must absolutely Master being good stewards to helping our elders out easily. They need not suffer anymore any longer and I'm not saying that we should in their lives sooner as that should be fully up to them oh, but we must show them love and that is time spent with them. There is no substitute. Life doesn't always afford this for your own loved ones or it might really truly hurt you emotionally and affect your heart for real as I can attest to, however there are other loved ones of your friends and we all need each other and it not just takes a village to raise a child, but a village to say farewell also.

These jaunts to Washington DC and Alexandria, Virginia from Cumberland and back and forth really always make me think so deeply in so very much because I go from one polar opposite to the other and in only a span of 150 miles.

I'm very happy to see Cumberland finally coming into this Century instead of being left behind and almost completely forgotten in the past, however I'm unsure if by the time we catch up we won't be behind again because by the time we would be catching up to would be now, and now and the rest of the world might be 20 or 30 years that they get ahead and I hope you can understand where I'm coming from by this kind of comical but serious statement none the less. There is all kinds of vision, and foremost it's short or non-existent. You have long distance vision. Even fewer are really truly visionary. I pray mini Visionary leaders will step up here because Cumberland should be the green capital of the United States of America setting the example for what a small community is and should be and why it should remain that way and show how we can be self-supporting and also embracing of capitalism that is growing in our community where large corporations are investing heavily here right now as we upgrade and replace infrastructure at a pace unseen around here for ages. The state-of-the-art high school in the hospital or two huge draws to this area and why people want to move here now and you should come visit and stay at Rocky Gap Casinno & Resort, or one of our other new hotels like the Hampton Inn or the Marriott Downtown or pick from the boutique hotel that's coming in the future and some other planned hotels at the Rolling Mills business District, or check out even the local breweries that we have two of and more on the way it looks like... really just exciting things happening all around here like every Sheetz has been rebuilt and we have a beautiful Love's truck stop. An incredible Planet Fitness. I don't know why anybody would want to live anywhere else plus we don't have any traffic.

Ultimately, I'm just happy that family will be visiting and I didn't mean to make this about Cumberland but part of it is and it's a huge part and I'm just thankful that I trusted my intuition and came here even though it's always been a struggle for me health-wise. I was right where I was supposed to be and I'm still here because of that.

I'm thankful for my friends were somehow guiding me here because it's all just kind of strange coincidence but that's not how I see it I see that it's destiny. I've never questioned any of that I've always thought that that is just a part of the way it is supposed to be and I trust in that.

Coming Back Home ~ Cyborg∆Steve

630 pm arrived back in Cumberland.

Had rear tire on my truck separate. Fortunately, I had what was needed on hand and reoaired it myself until at the very end a very kind tow truck driver stopped to chit chat and help...one of those angels on the spot...i didn't ask for help and I was content to be safe and able bodied enough to help myself and happy to on such a perfect day weather wise. My race was the clock against the interior of the truck holding my digs, as it was 92+ outside.

I figured slow and methodical as safety must always be first. No rushing and poor nerves. I don't live like that anymore. I'm planned and effective and able and soon I'll safely pull onto the highway and be home.

This kind man dropped his vehicle off at the garage (which was closed the entire time u was there) and then insisted on bringing the truck over and running the compressor and pneumatic impact gun so I could tighten my lugs. I had only a 3/8" drive ratchet and socket that I removed them with and only a have but no handle, to which I improvised with an end wrench and small 1/4" rather like a perpendicular handle for leverage to change the wrench around, thus raiseng the small factory jack under the axel housing of the rear end where I crawled under. I was ready for a nap after 1000 tough rotations on mouth of my carpal tunnel hands as the sweat dripped down fast and I thought really truly, this sucks but look at me...no it doesn't...i don't need to even ca my road service. I'm faster than they'd get there. The rest was utilizing common sense and getting off the busy interstate safely first.

The tire tread flap that came off whacked my truck bed and bent up a corner a bit, but nothing serious that I can not easily adjust. All that mattered was I got off the interstate safe.

I had just thought how well these old tires served me in a pinch after having a tore slashed earlier this summer and changing the set. This was the good natch to the tire that got stabbed to death. My neighbor John had four tires slashed ;( I believe there may have been other victims but the newspaper was vague and I only found out by talking face to face with John.

The rest of the ride home was perfect and perfect uneventful as the sun slipped down towards the mountain in which soon to hide behind and tuck away into the coming night, which draws ever closer as I rest in my king size bed thankful to be at my other home in my heart always since the first day I visited it, Cumberland.

This place calms a rattled soul! I love DC, but after being bear the Pentagon on 911 and other various serious reasons of life situation and personal circumstance, I always knew that my retreat to Cumberland was just that. It was a retreat to readjust to a life I didn't understand.

I'd been truly victimized enough and also admittedly, not understanding how to properly ask for and receive help, abused myself for ages; my coping mechanism of choose, powerful nails into my coffin each and all, I drank like no body else can! I metamorphosize into this lush that can consume so much beer it looks my gut has turned camel, and I like the numbing annebriation that ports me far away from the insanity that plays over and over in my fuvking head... or use to...it diesnt so much anymore.

I'm no longer that me I use to be. Nobody understood that part of me and it's only on retrospect I see somehow my nerves and my heart an repeated traumatic life experiences and other disease somehow all combined left me past deaths door.

I had a drop dead heart attack amount other all very serious complications, and by miracles of the unknown and known both, medical science and the angels that practice this healing faith brought me back from over the edge of the most definite event horizon!

I had love I desired desperately back here in earth to share still and I prayed id be able to return and I left that possibility in faiths hands, and it was one hell of a tide I remember, strangely, vividly. In such ways nobody believes,  however perhaps if conditioned myself for the very event somehow, through silly needless annebriation after a friend was murdered especially, but because I was having a rather romantic affair with alcohol really too, and I must have indeed loved it, for i placed it first above all. I'm not that fucked up guy today, thankfully. I'm a newly born soul halfway through an exciting life...its weird being able to look back on a history, but knowing too as a soul, your different distinctly, evolved at long last. Evolving still however, and understanding life is a changing process and I accept that which will be that's beyond my control. In fact, I embrace the journey as only them can it reward the bountiful gifts that will shower upon thee.

I'm incredibly blessed to be able to observe and share again, as before, that which can ridiculously easily, and some of that ease too has slipped away, and where strengths once were abundant, I'm feeling more normal than I've ever known, but it's really just a calm.

The calm is new.

I'm unsure if it's the device and fact that I relish in being a cyborg, fixed, or that somehow the ecperience in it's totality somehow reset thresholds and possibilities on a multitude of levels both within my mind, and perhaps as a body as a medical patient perhaps, and I hope and pray, for and that others may somehow benefit.

You can survive often if you want to and believe in this possibility but you move forward onto the next realm is reassuring to, in a way I only knew before as my parents love, and it's even more incredible, however, it's not of this physical realm. It's completely all of the mental realm where we there are each present to anotger, all seeing, all knowing.

The manifestations of reality there are only that which we all see clearly and nothing more ever and nothing less.

I'm will g yo gurgle my certain destiny, to be able to come back and share more if this blessed gift of life I get to share still, so very thankfully, and likely, most would not believe this or other specify memories I've recorded if this mist remarkable journey through tragedy in health.

We've come a very long way and I pray that others may have their lives continued and we should all value life deeper and more and promote life upon our way.

I'm blessed to be with my fogs and home safe and I thank the good Samaritan that stopped and assisted the tail end of my tire change.

Small bless gs make the world a better place for everyone, and we can all make a difference wherever we are together.

I applied for re-enrollmebt yo the Fraternal Order of Eagles in Alexandria, Virginia while I visited, and I've been absent for 22 years from the current roll of members. It's time to get back to normalcy and life was pretty incredible back then. I attended the annual picnic Saturday (yesterday) and it was great to see a friend and meet a couple if new ones. My one friend gave me news tough to hear, so I then sat by myself for a bit and absorbed the news and then ate some early dinner at the picnic and headed out to mert my fatherer for a concert at the Alexandria Campus of NVCC, where we had a fantastic time together yesterday evening.

What another wonderful trip after the toughest year of my life. Everything from here forward is a blessing.

Serving Rome Within ~ Cyborg∆Steve

I was raised in the rich suburbs of Rome, while my Father, a military man, represented for the Cesar in his military conquests.

I hail from Alexandria, Virginia... a port city upon my beloved Potomac from which you could almost toss a stone to the worlds most powerful city, Washington, DC... modern Rome herself.

Are we different? Have we changed since then?

Dont we still have conquests and flex our muscles?

The truth is, there us a way evolved that serves the masses better, and that is our way, and it serves the ruling elite even more. I think that may never change. I've read if it, ive lived it, ive watched it verily from within. It's a lifestyle to admire and hate.

To serve one must be well in health and mind, and that is best served through maintenance if health through thevgnest foods, moderate regular exercise, and best health care.

It seems there is always a disportionatevamoubt f any population that suffers...suffers being the keyword.

We must facilitate a lack of suffering is less suffering as best possible, as more suffering only costs a larger amount of projected progress and the goal is to build better and better societies if more broadly better-learned people that may one day all prosper.

Have we nearly reached the ultimate goal?

Have we built a machine to provide us all and for us to be blessed yet? Work hard we must, for health, and still a physical demise and ending in time, but only to graduate to that next realm.

Here we refine thought through indelible experience and concrete reality, like school, or in that next realm, there will be only a presence of everyone. What we have there is inky what we agree too and nothing is physical. It manifests of only agreement, or it can not be.

See you there, in presence, you'll know...trust me.

Better think until then how your goods and money and greed and sin will not work there.

You'll be by the King of Kings, yet the Holy Ghost will know your presence perfectly, and still His surrounding you you'll doubt. Do you get it yet now?

Maybe when in Rome, stop doing as the Romans do.

Do as you would if you knew always God would bear witness of you, watching over you always.

Will you deny your lessons to your maker when that time comes to pass? Perfect memory and all knowledge each, the truth will be known to all.

Until then, serve Rome, and Rome Always Serve the Exalted God.

Getting Older & Moving Possessions Along

I'm nearly 52, and at Dad's house, belongings I couldvoavk into my truck and haul home still abound. I don't want to make a full exit, and in sure Dad, as mom didn't want me to either, so hmmm, odd but interesting things of my past to comfort me and keep my room comfortable. The space comfortable. We, an aging family fast, want a home that represents love and a happy nest, and no need for a full retreat anyhow, yet still, at my own age, possessions must be now quickly shed. I know now how ive done what I use to easily do. I don't have the same desires. I already know the easier way coming, and ive fought against it hardcore, even though many would think not perhaps. I've been a warrior against disease that will have me eventually, but never today, and thus far I have survived over odds for many days, it will only win one, again, eventually, not today.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

I have a lot in Pittsburgh.

What's the cheapest quickest way to excavate a driveway up from the street and onto the property so I can dump some crush and run gravel?

Maybe place an ad on Facebook & craigslist and try to contract it out?

Anybody know anyone interested possibly or that is themselves personally qualified, inbox me!

I'd probably be even more inclined to sell/trade the lot too if anyone wants a lot in the Spring Hill subdivision and right close to the stadiums downtown and the casinos. It's not much, but it will make a cool camp to park and overnight once a driveway is cut and electric and water hookups are added. Perfect to pull a camper or dock the RV at!

I've got to simplify and make useful all in my life, or give/do away with where it serves the best interests and therefore I'm flexible. It's next to at johns Lutheran church's cemetery, and I may approach them about possibly buying the property, or bequeathing it to them after I use it with a driveway as outlined, essentially, to enjoy tone in Pittsburgh without making a more permanent commitment, like the house that was once next door to the property that I own... now demolished and gone, I'd some it and kept only the land last time health kicked my ass and took everything.

So, generally speaking... I'm open-minded to ideas that either simplify life and/or make use of my possessions or otherwise I must depart with many things soon.

Hmmmmmmmm

If you read all that and your me... what would you do? I enjoy the idea that I can skip from Cumberland west to Pittsburg @125 miles, or east to Baltimore at 125 or southeast to Alexandria (DC) @150 miles and be able to comfortably nest a couple of days. That's been the dream anyway, but no connection to Baltimore any longer.

I want to explore and enjoy the arts while I skip from city to city, from my home city cradled in the mountains that are Cumberland, while learning more about what works and what doesn't concerning populations of people.

I cannot help but be fascinated but still want to be able to hero my distance, like an animal that has from people, I must be able to escape to the primal reality that is the woods so I can commune in spirit, or I feel disconnected to my higher power. The mountains speak volumes loud and clear to me, the cities too often tragic tales and terribly difficult lessons. It simply challenges of humanity concentrated at high numbers and more easily able to observe that which is fruitful and not and how do we next go about remedying these concerns, or not.

Something of each one of these cities and its people that I find deeply charmed by, and at ease too. I grew up in Alexandria, visiting DC in my youth often, and I've visited Baltimore since youth too, and once had a contract to purchase a home there, ...and Pittsburgh was the return to my birth state but otherwise really a personal adventure of my own completely, attracted by the professional team's, the arts, the entertainment, and the casinos together, and the rest of the growing spirit if the city. I dream of watching the steelers one year in the future. I was in Alexandria when our beloved skins one several super bowls, and I've been close to Baltimore, but I want to live a single season in Pittsburgh and watch a super bowl...because what even better perspective could there be to write about? I'm waiting for the next alignment in Pittsburgh, and my health and those things are happening now.

So now, what would you do?

It's just really hard to give up on my dreams.

...and in all these travels, music and musicians always surround me, celebrating and sharing life and helping another maintain balance through difficult times.

The Look I Realized Was Fear of Death, On Turn, Fear of Life

The fear in everyones' eyes is so obvious, once the fear has departed from within your own soul permanently first, as now you realize with clarity what you saw within everybody else eyes before that puzzled you so. Life from this new perspective is fresh and revealing instead of scary as before; as now I'm certain of the realm that awaits, and the beautiful and perfect journey that will lead me Back Again to His. Kingdom, no matter how difficult the journey. In life i'll fear, but fear death any longer, i'll not ever again.

Remembering and Building Faith Shared with Me Freely, Together We Survive, May Peace Reign Forevermore

So... yesterday while visiting Alexandria, Virginia, I went to vidit a friend at his home. I was certain it was behind Carl Sandburg Intermediate (old Fort Hint High School). I got back to Ramparts and stopped. I knew, only just now, that my memory was completely incorrect. I'd only been there once before, but it wasn't here... it was somewhere erroly close.

I suffered a heart attack / stroke (and far more multiple applications) last Aug 12, 2018 and this in apparently one of my black hole memories, as I call them (very few and very light).

I was certain I was correct 100%, as I'd already informed my father, whom I'm visiting, where he resided.

Fortunately, ..."Google"...and i had a proper address, an AHAaaaaa moment, and i was personally refreshed...however, i definitely distinctly remembered this... WRONG :(...not terribly wiring though...parts we're right or close, and do somehow, neurologically overlap.

It's also, I'll mention, a completely different feeling than... "you know what's his name...oh, from school days, oh um"... well, it's not like that. It's a for certain with either an unexpected blank at the end or just completely wrong as in this case (worst yet, of very small handful)...as weird as it is/was, it's insignificant overall, however, it shows a percentage of damage which is an offense... sometimes i have a new deja vous like feeling too, but it's hard to describe too. A few new strange peculiarities. I'm like myself,with a few surprises from time to time.

I use to be great with names years ago, less so more recently, but i think I'm getting better there again... still not great though.

Other memory has new dead ends where momeort just quits (as normal) and then sometimes its like I'm looking into a file for the rest. It's like it's all my memory, then the rest was added. That's a bizarre feeling!

Our minds are incredibly powerful, and I'm so very thankful i did not suffer catastrophic damages under the extreme circumstances i suffered.

Beyond incredible professional medical help, I attribute this success to aspirin and faith.

Chew one large aspirin in a heart / stroke event... if you do not have a history of stomach stomach, bleeding ulcers.

I had a stroke, heart attack, asthma, lactic acidosis, viral sepsis, CPR & fell down the steps and dislocated two vertebrae (still)...the doctors we're certain if broken my neck indeed.

I'm in shock daily, truly, still, that not only I survived, but that I'm able bodies and even in less pain then beforehand, but differently too. I've not been advised as to what i can and can not do. As far as my heart goes, i can fi whatever i want! Just hit that all clear, but my neurologist is sending me to another neurologist (my 4th or 5th in life) for nerve testing, as i have nerve damage Fri. my neck injury, but also carpal tunnel in both hands.

Oh, well...life is about the adventure. For now, i have yo spiritually be one larger than my pain. I must move like the wind with god's grace and thankfulness.

Yesterday, i cried on a good part of my trip through the mountains, and down and southward to our nations capital, where I was raised.

The growing thankfulness for my upbringing, my life, my friends of yesteryear and today, all growing immensely, as i journey into a spacetime, i had already moved forward towards in death once, and returned from that definite brink.

As part of my mind mends or has missing memory, other memory, new, is just hard to even describe or tell others about, as it's experience from a realm not physical and it sounds insane, except that it's all in perfect alignment with others who have NDE's (near death experience)...abd u wasn't near death. I stopped breathing and had no pulse a while before I returned. I'm unsure of those specifics, but I'm going to ask, soon. I'm not ready for other details quite yet. What i remember is insanely traumatic, and most don't believe I remember what I do and can. Most never get to make the phone call i made to get help. Of just my heart condition alone, Takotsubto Syndrime, 6% survive what I survived... that's not including all the other things I suffered.

My team of miraculous healers performed what I feel is without a doubt a pure multitude if miracles, as though they brought Light back from over the edge of the event horizon of a black hole.

Fred Zevin, all data was not fully lost... but close... so very, very close.

I'm thankful we are only offered that which God is confident we can handle.

I'm looking forward to soaring again, and soon! This is everything I've ever lived for, everything!

Thank each of you for being part of the blessings in my life. Even those of you who don't believe in prayers and blessings, you too have blessed me! What's that make you?

I've only got ahold of life because others re-used to give up on me! Why do we give up on too many others??? Why??? Others want to live too, and we turn our backs to them all too often...lets help lift others up past life challenges and past the point of giving up on the self and let's restore the inner personal value to life we should all hold and carry for another.

Sadly, today we can look around and read about or watch the consequences of instilling a poor value for life upon a generation, as seemingly, we have mistakently burdened a generation or more as such, as we must unite now to overcome our shortcomings and heal together.

No more purposeful division, because we all must be very determined within that we came thus far to heal and also because we are firgesd now tougher than ever, a part of each our inherent destiny, to prove that life has a deep and meaningful value that all should be able to cherish, protect, and in the pursuit if happiness, should always be able to pursue through their dreams to their heart's content.

Thanks each of you for blessing me. Blessings and prayers are the gifts and manifestations I receive from the outpouring of love from the actions and sharing of others... and even through a selfish storm, I've been blessed more deeply than known possible to me previously, except that I do believe in Faith and I KNOW what Faith can do if it's even just Faith in minute an amount as a mustard seed.

In death, mountains moved for me to survive, and upon my return, Faith in humanity once lost, was forever in an instant restored. I've been baptized in water of peace now, at last, and so may it Reign, for ALL, forevermore.

Kratomism ~ New Religion ~ Basic Introduction to Idea

Kratomism

The worship of plants and the use of plants for health, well being and all other facets they so offer.

For the pain different, the elders, the weak, etc...Kratom is a life changing gift we cherish and are thankful for to our Higher Power.

We, as a group, are not organized nor does those funds, however, we do congregate and treat condition with plant and phant extracts as part of our protected religious rights.

Many of us are herbalists, practice multiple different varying other complimentary religions and ate a wide and vast array of the population. We include all and exclude nobody, we have no membership but your declaration, which includes a self commitment to personal due diligence, education and application of lessons in life, and sharing wholeheartedly and free, these lessons. We understand that services alone are not free, however we minister help where suffering awaits our arrival with keen mind and desire.

We pray to free the soul of the bonage of addictive chemicals, and we look to our natural and organic toolbox first, however reflecting all tools available, and professionals that are complainentary in philosiphy too, we seek to understand all tools at hand and their proper possible application(s).

We promise to never tamper or contaminated any source and with respect to nature itself, we practice this good stewardship in all of our motions through life.

We live the Christian, the Jew, the Muslim, the Aetheist, the Agnostic, etc and we understand with deep devotion that denomibation only divides.

We seek to heal and cleanse the vessel (body) and the spirit to offer the mind the clearest view.

Today, we are like the most powerful telescopes, but obstructed because when our vision is blurred, we are controllable and predictable, both...both, highly valuable to those with the ability to exploit those attributes.

Kratom is our blessed plant of source that treats our disease of addiction in the most kindest way known, but only as it is a leaf.

Once extracted and concentrated (MG&H7MG) then we will have an evolution and historic problem mirroring the history of cocaine!

Respect is undersyandibg how the indigenous have used this powerful compound(s) related to gardenia and coffee and that works on the opiod receptors,  for thousands of years!

To otherwise regime what they have already evolved as a simple practice, is foolish. Much would be gained, however far more likely lost. A new powerful analog could be synthesized however that would absolutely end the opiod crisis without a doubt. Ask me how I know how!

There will be great movement by the $$$ from big pharma and lobbying groups to outlaw this plant, here in the USA, and this push will only continue and increase in it's assault on healing.

No healthy person has ever overdosed on clean, tested from source, properly fosed kratom! NOBODY ever!

Those that have died have been either ill, used too much (almost impossible in natural state) or used contaminated sources of leaf or combined this with other drugs, mixing a deadly cocktail...still, very hard to do.

There is plenty at my blog to read and plenty available online, so DO NOT let the mainstream media tell you nobody knows about this trees leaves. That's complete and utter hogwash and scare tactics.

Kratomism is here, and we Kratomists insists that we be always allowed to utilize this powerful herb in it's natural form in order to practice our methods of faith and devotion in healing, and I pray others respect this natural birth right.

We believe this of all plants and use them medicinally, however not necessarily solely individually.

We find statistically that the body better knows how to metabolize and excrete organic molecules as opposed to synthesized molecules or compounds, and therefore when we use plants, there is a much less likely statistical likelihood for autoimmune responses.

I will expound on some of these statements and further organized as life progresses and make a very presentable rational logical decision why you should think about practicing this religion alongside your religion. Compliments every single religion in the idea is to promote life and to keep your body and spirit and mind clean and healing quick and as efficient as possible with the least likelihood to have long-term problems ahead because of what you did today and even more so to promise that you are living a life of preventative maintenance and care with your actions in thought and concern about what you consume and even how it is packaged it harvested so much so that in every motion of your life you are truly paying your homage to life itself in the gift that it is while trying to hold on to it as healthfully as possible.

The basic tenets is to promote healthful life. Promote life, all else is a lie. Understand that denominations divide.

Do your due diligence.

Together, we survive to thrive.

Big Tobacco Victory Banning E-cig Flavours, Other Than Tobacco Flvour

The recent tragic death from upper respiratory concerns which have been blamed on vaping have spurred a ban on e-cigarettes flavored juices and all will be banned except for tobacco flavored. This is a huge win for big tobacco. Was a bandwagon build upon tragedy and abused in such a way now to impact a multitude of business and investors with big tobacco coming out on top looking for this precise strategic blow they had without a doubt planned for and waited patiently for it. It is the illicit Black Market drugs that have introduced contaminated products into the marketplace and put others Health in jeopardy. Vaping is not a great alternative to smoking anyway, and those that are immune-compromised should really pay attention to what's happening around them regardless of what the total outcome is of this and we know part of that or just a small factor of that outcome is contaminated illicit Black Market cartridges that people were vaping but that will not be because totality of the health concerns at hand because we will be watching those play I've ever the next several decades.

The bigger truth is fishes a trillion dollar market place and there are big corporations looking to lock in on their share of that Marketplace and there has been a great amount of covert behind doors lobbing and I promise you you will see who benefits the greatest from this, and also who is hurt.

I am one hundred percent never for any marketing that promotes anything towards children especially negative things, however anything really should not be marketed towards children. It should be marketed towards educated adults and then making decisions in the best interest of their children. But we know that's not the reality that we live in nor will it ever be.

What we need to do is flush out the criminals and that's going to take proactive and reactive measures at this time and it's doing cost more lives before we start reacting also. That's just the nature of things also sadly. There's big money to be made and people want a slice of that pie and greed goes a long way towards these so far unaccounted for fully, deaths.

Don't fall for he bullshit politics and shirt gap half measures being taken from an oppitmrtunistic pint of view. What proof if we have that flavored vaping juices that are legal have to do with any of this?

Don't market that's a children! However, more alternatives to hideous smoking are better than less any day!

Ultimately, vaping should be a bridge to cessation only, not a new habit.

Life Exists Inside Black Holes, and Other Interesting Contemplations to Consider

Life is present only past the event horizons of black hikes...or at leafy somewhere close enough to just almost get a glimpse over that "edge".

Think about it, where else could life be but where light can not escape?

Can't a star be a black hole on a 90° (or some other angle) tilt to our planetary axis and point of view?

It's too dark elsewhere.

Think about it and how matter and light is drawn into the black hole  It makes sense that matter gets shredded and becomes gaseous next, breaking bonds that can it survive the forces there. Stars are burning gasses, or the gasses are so hot that they turn to plasma and luminous perhaps through the nuclear fission of the natural condition due to the physics of that particular area of spacetime.

So life might not live past the Event Horizon but think about the point that it has to be closed, and therefore from one black hole to another black hole it would be hard to spot in life without using some type of Observatory that is ready to look into that at the right Celestial angle or from the proper plane perspective. This is very critical when understanding and considering the real and fascinating shape of the fabric of space-time itself.

We are adrift, a black hole like a magnet keeps us a flat at a position planarly speaking, and sets us into motion at a galactic height and we move and orbit and circle in this way. The fabric of space-time like a funnel holding the earth as we ourselves are in a planetary hole. The moon a lunar hole, and other planets in their own planetary holes, with the force of the galactic black hole keeping us all in perfect synchronized lockstep union in perpetual regards with another, as if gears of a celestial angelic clock.

We cannot see into or past that event horizon to observe other life.

We, as they, will learn (maybe / likely have) already warped spacetime with powerful focused energy beams and sailed across the vacuum of spacetime with microwave drive sail ships that soon will go from unbelievable yo mothballed projects eventually not been believed to have ever existed, as will happen most recently with the space shuttle.

I'm amazed at what my eyes have witnessed in a short 52 years, truly. Especially since about 1977-1979, since our first family computer...and even before that a bit the TRS-80 model iii, that still works by the way ;)

Nobody believed things I shared once long ago, not do they often now...thinking I'm in some fantasy land, however, I very clearly see in minds eyes the future that will most certainly be, unless mankind is throttled by nature in such a way that the entire shift makes society itself go into a tailspin... the usual demise the rising past populations that were toppled by nature.

Let's get onward to the planets, their moons, and next, out of our galaxy and far, far away. A new people that were born in space will appreciate that we gave them that opportunity to explore far past these boundaries.

Let's built space cities and ships that scare with coordinated design and engineering and thrust into this new world we are already living in today.

It takes a new economy, and we are firing up that forging process of economic power today with only the finest technological standards, and the highest quality most modern design materials combined to offer the finest design and machine mankind has ever known to date and all while continuing to be better and better stewards to mother earth, understanding it's in our own best interests to strike balance regularly in all of our endeavors, understanding that mother nature, through the laws of equilibrium, will restore that balance sooner if we don't maintain it ourselves. It's natural law, really indisputable. It the way of the ancients, the indigenous, the tribal, the Indians, and it should be the way for all to survive.

Eating Through the Sun ~ Lyric / Poetry ~ Mobius∆Tripz

I run from the city as fast as I can,
I rip 7 off of a sheet of 100,
I'm not fucking around, you know!,
I'm taking a personal time out!,
It's all the rage in the tech world today,
Pancreatic cancer you don't say?,
So superficial... no way!

Yesterday,
I ate through the sun to the other side,
it was an incredible ride,
I soared above and beyond this great divide,
that's alive,
that's alive,
the rest is lies!

That's alive,
that's alive,
the rest is lies!
That's alive,
that's alive,
the rest is lies!
The Truth Within All Resides.

Nevermind life's sinister complications,
I need to reconnect with my birthing mother earth from which I've been disconnect,
this grounding nourishing wholesome bosom of comfort always,
I give my soul towards her,
and watch over me through your moon, Mother,
as I rub towards these mountain and dense woods,
A homecoming is what already starts to take place right very precisely now.

Walking through the woods,
I heard a birdsong that struck me stone-cold still in an instant,
perfect pitch and clarity,
sophistication and architecture with grace and elegance,
feeling flowed out from this winged creature as only we together life shared,
me listening intently,
masterpiece after masterpiece effortlessly.

Nature a perfect teacher,
A bird so sent today,
A Chosen Day this Present,
as I forgive and forget the past,
at very long last,
and sing again like this angelic creature,
like ago so very effortlessly.

Yesterday,
I ate through the sun to the other side,
it was an incredible ride,
I soared above and beyond this great divide,
that's alive,
that's alive,
the rest is lies!

That's alive,
that's alive,
the rest is lies!
That's alive,
that's alive,
the rest is lies!
The Truth Within All Resides.

I'm about to launch,
7 tabs down,
I'm holding on to reset,
and let go of all the trauma of that past,
now like a file only I can look in,
It's time to,
permanently compact and compartmentalize.

Yesterday,
I ate through the sun to the other side,
it was an incredible ride,
I soared above and beyond this great divide,
that's alive,
that's alive,
the rest is lies!

That's alive,
that's alive,
the rest is lies!
That's alive,
that's alive,
the rest is lies!
The Truth Within All Resides.

It was glorious and bright within with plenty of energy for all and great health and wealth,
We had been close to Source,
r∆,
unending inspiration and Light,
He who claims to know his name knows Him not,
for He is not of our being,
but you'll know his omnipresence.

Watching over from a dimension above,
we are cast as His shadow,
sophisticated energetic prisms of light,
watch me dance past death and back,
what you can not believe your eyes?,
but here still I Am,
Promote Life.

Yesterday,
I ate through the sun to the other side,
it was an incredible ride,
I soared above and beyond this great divide,
that's alive,
that's alive,
the rest is lies!

That's alive,
that's alive,
the rest is lies!
That's alive,
that's alive,
the rest is lies!
The Truth Within All Resides.

Doctors, Healing, & I'm A Different Person Than I Once Knew

Cardiologist today @ 4 p.m.

Appointment three of four Wednesdays this month, two of four next month. Hmmmmmmm

Review the most recent (60 days old +) labs and data from the implant.

Hopefully, make adjustments to either heart medicine or pacemaker unit to help me to have a touch more energy.

I'm mentally drained and enjoy sleep and quiet more than I should... like I was starved for it for a lifetime.

Interestingly, my nerves are calming to a normal I've never known in my life.

Looking forward to my next informed coordinated healing directives from my heart doctors & team, a healing family... what a group of folks at W.M.H.S!

Strangely becoming a loner and enjoying it most often with the exclusive company always appreciated.

Hello me, meet the new (real) me. (Dave Mustaine ~ Megadeth)

September 11th Holiday & Observance Plea

Why hasn't September 11th been declared a national holiday; as a day of recognition, mourning, and resolve?

Isn't this long overdue?

After 18 years, let's reunite the country and it's beautiful citizens decisively divisively split, and start with this!

It's time to heal, reunite, grow and prosper further, and thrive like never before alongside our international friends. Working harder and harder towards the betterment and evolution of society in general and supporting the general wellbeing of others and humanity.

Everyone now an adult since the historic tragedy struck our nation and truly others too!

Let's all unite and let the healing begin, as we've been an adolescent emotionally crippled nation, stumbling in pain and heartache for a very long time.

Blessings friends.

Let's make September 11th a National Day of Observance and a recognized official holiday, as it's feels disrespectful to do anything less.

My Black Box ~ Poetry / Lyric ~ Cyborg ∆ Steve

My Black Box

My black box
(creepy voice)
(echo x6)

I'm inside,
You can't hear me or see me,
you don't miss me or know I'm even gone.

I'm alone within depressed,
you've forgotten my existence,
my heart is broken evermore.

Depression,
my little black box,
where I often hide a lot.

Like somehow it can become my comforting friend,
getting dragged further and further away, and down into the eternal blackness of depths unknown to anyone before.

A nothingness but thoughts of terror on replay,
that fill my tired evermore mangled meandering mind,
how Am I still inside?

I'm right here,
you can't see me,
past my seemingly perfect smile.

My trusty facade,
I keep you intruders that hurt me purposefully so,
so far away.

Outside of my little black box,
I embrace my dark insanity for her,
even further.

Chorus:

(Chant / echo)
My black box.
My black box.
(Scream next two lines)
My black box !!!!!!
My black box !!!!!!
(Whisper/echo next two)
My black box.
My black box.

What Are You Going To Do ??? ~ Real Concerns of Modern Society ~ Battered Women

Where are the men when a "lil' punk bitch man" threatens a woman with a gun?

I'm not at inner peace, nor do I stand by idly.

Volatility is not my forte and I'm pissed and simmering towards insanity after the toughest year of my life...i'm tired of getting pushed, but you'd be amazed what I can take and what I've taken unbeknownst to anyone.

Our community must come together and stand together against and over violence and ignorance!

If i have to survive to testify and bear witness to such ignorance, or offer my life against it, that's my duty, otherwise I'm as bad as them, but I'm honestly unsure how to act right now when I would like to hurt this deserving pos.

I pray... pray they don't find themselves near me.   I pray for us each to think healthier and not hurt others. It's a fukked up sick cycle that repeats too. I still want to smash this person until I know they will never stop seeing me in their face again, until they never threaten another again... I know the hurt they are the only causation of, and it's going to stop.

What's your move if your me? Really?

There's nobody to speak to. That part of law enforcement has already transpired and failed, it appears, thus far.

So what's next? I know my studies and statistics. I want to prevent whats likely next. I want to make certain there can be zero further escalation in a case I understand, as a fly on a wall, and objectively... but equally passionately.

I watched the escalation in this difficult situation nobody can turn and run from, as it involves a family.

Where do we solve these problems in society and in the home and in the spirit?

How do we lead others to answers and with open arms?

I'm getting older, angrier, and bolder...and it's not at all my hearts desires, but the experience of life around me is really shredding me in several directions right now as I gain my strength and footing into a world I'm not very fond of anymore.

My house is sanctity to such insanity, I always promise this!

I can't be the Saviour, and if i don't say this, I don't want to be a hypocrite.

How do we heal?

Why do others abuse substances until a state of intoxication?

Why and when do we need interventions?

What's a cry for help?

How do you escape a dangerous volatile situation and save yourself when your a woman in need of help with children?

Without being ignorant please, share your experience towards positive answers or warn of cautions, as this record is nearing some kind of certain end.

Where is the corrections in rehabilitation?
Where is the accountability in the courts with the judges? The judicial? The legislative? The family and the individual?

Why do we settle for today abundant societal failures?

Why do we accept the multi pronged attacks upon our finest of well intended, solid, proven institutions?