Great assorted topics, true stories, brilliant ideas, wonderful photographs, and honest reporting. As well as my music, " MobiusTripz" Thanks, ~ John "Stephen" Swygert, ~a.k.a.~ "rokkinroll"
I died while waiting for the third time !!!... and I'm still denied ;(
Most inefficient system ever !!!
Disgusting dis-service designed to feed $$$ to attorneys !!!
Who is being served here ???
We spend more funds trying to help restore the lives of those who wait for this stagnant process.
Was I understand stress I'm asked ??? Oh no, not at all !!!
https://amp.usatoday.com/amp/2420836002
To be blessed is to always know your already alive in The Garden of Eden, but to be, on the other hand, cursed, is to know you are bound in to blackness.
How we think is how we feel. How we feel follows our actions.
Do you curse or bless yourself today... and what of your tomorrow?
It does no earthly good to keep knocking one another down,
I thought life may be different this second time around,
starting half a century #2 today, not lost, but this time instead already found,
looking back on my birthday after death earlier this year, most definitely this all I have so true to be found.
Most of all, I am thankful that I was never to scared to share love or fall in love. That's now forever.
That which one despises the most, one has not been in touch with at all... or... one has been far too much in touch with.
I was listening to "In This Moment" to the song, "Big Bad Wolf" this morning and realized something...or had a musical epiphinay of sorts...
Listen to this undeniable musical influence or flat out plagiarism and theft... sometimes it's hard to tell where the difference lies, and if the artist does so intentionally or accidentally (subconsciously).
Fascinating !!!
In This Moment / Big Bad Wolf
@ 3:50 (or close)
VS.
Rage Against the Machine / Killing In the Name
@
1:33 (or close)
Also again towards 4:00 minute mark in song.
It's no surprise I like both of these songs, and anyone that would like one I'll like the other, as it's as though they are derived from the same algorithms. That's the part I start finding sad ;(
I'm not interested in synthetic music personally. I'm all about inspiration and celebrating the music of life slide in all of our souls, so ultimately, its not got me yo judge. These are professional I am sighting and you all can decide, I'm just pointing out the uncanny similarities.
My own music may be just as guilty as borrowing and sharing, etc. ... and in fact, I guarantee some of it indeed is, but not all of it.
You can decide !
Do you know of any back story here or previous allegations of sharing this "orchestration" of notes that Rage def recorded without a doubt first ???
I doubt anyone will really care, as we are all influenced, however where do we draw the line, or why do sone feel compelled to draw a line? Well, it's all about work and ownership of said work to make a living.
It seems to matter less once folks are already uber famous... as in I doubt this ever gains any traction that I pointed this out...likely first too.
Totally a dog eat dog world in business... matters an artist or not.
In this particular case (as this drummer), you are an artist conducting business, with a serving of emotions on the side essentially ... not conducting business solely as a function without attached emotions, but with expectations, just as the writer and engineer.
Was this unlikely outcome a known possibility beforehand? Yes, because nothing is certain.
We're you paid ?
Quit whining, go make some music. Slinging words is weak.
Raped ???
Are you trying to equate a business deal to being sexually abused against your will? Really ???
Your artistic license sux !!!
So, the outcome to this story is surprising why ???
https://www.alternativenation.net/foo-fighters-member-reveals-dave-grohl-raped-from-him-i-was-doomed/
Foo Fighters Member Reveals What Dave Grohl ‘Raped’ From Him: ‘I Was Doomed’
By Brett Buchanan -
Dec 17, 2018
Former Foo Fighters drummer William Goldsmith has been in the news recently for heavily criticizing Dave Grohl, and claiming he played a role in Sunny Day Real Estate never releasing their fifth album, though he later clarified his statement with additional reasoning, while still throwing shade at Grohl. This new story has led to Foo Fighters fans resurfacing an interview that Goldsmith did on The Trap Set with Joe Wong in 2016 that was not circulated at all in the press at the time.
Alternative Nation transcribed his comments about working on The Colour and the Shape.
“There was a voice in my head saying, ‘Something’s not right here.’ Gregg Keplinger, he came out to help me with the drums, getting the drum sounds for that session, and he’ll tell you, I was doomed from the start. Because when we were getting the drum sounds, and dude, Gregg Keplinger does not have a hard time getting drum sounds. Every record I’ve ever worked on with any other producer, and Gregg is working on the drum sounds, they’re always very excited and happy about his approach.
This guy Gil Norton, no matter what we did, where we put the microphones, no matter how much we tuned the drums, he was never happy with how the drums sounded. Kep was just like, ‘Dude, I don’t understand what the hell is going on here.’ I think from the get go the producer wanted Dave to play drums on the record, I think Dave wanted to play drums on the record, I think the people at the label wanted Dave to play drums on the record, I think everybody wanted Dave to play drums on the record.
That’s fine, but I wish they had decided that, or told me that, rather than drag me through the coals for three weeks 13 hours a day, working my ass off, and then accomplishing the thing, and then having all that effort completely just raped from you.”
#metoo
Since the time change, I just cannot find a schedule again.
Since 4 months and 4 days ago, at first I had found a pretty regular "groove". I sleep a ton !!! But I'm staying active enough and still tackling a few things but I take a lump everytime and need a ton of rest.
I usually awaken refreshed and stronger for the next "fight", which is really just about anything still.
The physical aspects of me are something to accept and the non stop mental voice echoing and replaying what happened isn't much help either... but you ignore and listen to it calm after time passes... It's all simply a reverberation of a "really bad note".
I'm an expert by now at really bad notes. I have played them and I have been them in every cringe worthy way... experiencing and watching life from within this place.
Hopefully, regular restorative sleep comes soon, but not too soon for that ultimate rest.
In the meantime, I'm still running a relay race daily. I run 3-4 legs a day. The rest of the time, I rest...a lot !
Healing is a process whereby I make daily progress towards all goals and gain stamina or start to jetison away that which I can no longer maintain or carry.
This vessel is strengthening again, and with that, other problems disappear completely or greatly wane.
I'm so very deeply greatly thankful for this repreive from death,
Circadian Rhythm... an interesting theory !
The folks that are truly extra rare...well, what did they think they were when told they too were not special... but also just garden variety???
So laddy wants to be a poet, does he ?
Could you imagine if somebody stole away Shakespeare's imagination?
DaVinci's passion?
VanGogh's visionary perception?
McNally's characters & words?
It's a damn tough world, so be tough! However, don't give license to anyone to steal away what is inherently yours... your dreams !!!
Imagine your coming reality and build that dream a reality starting today.
Stay flexible in all regards and practice this elasticity in philosophical aspects too.
A hypothetical situation between two personality types; a "hard headed, micromanaging, control freak" and an easy going, not going to reinvent the wheel ~ assimilator".
Example:
How should I move this stuff quicker?
Over there... wheels ...hmmmmmm...hooked to a trailer that I can pull with my truck.
Now... at this point are you thankful for this convenience and move forward swiftly or do you have to change it to fit your own personal needs and amend what's not broken or what perhaps you just don't understand and/or agree with?
Are you so bad you think your going to tell others how to do what they already know how you do too?
Can you bend and flex, perhaps, instead?
Can you not see from another's perspective ???... as from where you peer and sneer you are blind.
Think please & flexible remain.
I meditate and medicate, (8)
So now seriously I say, (8)
I got so bird I spoke to a stone, (9)
today, tomorrow, and yesterday.(9)
This is a new form of poetry called Fuiaku
It represents deep thoughts through coping, followed by healing laughter.
Try some Fuiaku,
Indeed,
Healing so great,
Fuaiku too.
What's the largest psy-op going on right now? Facebook? Netflix? The newspaper? The news? Why? Why divide? What brings unity? Let' pray & collectively hope and work hard together towards not more struggle for all. Why are we being consistently desensitized? Why are we forcefully ushering in a less certain than the incoming agenda? We should become lucky each to age a country in wisdom evolved. Fukkin'A what a half century of life to bear witness too and experience and to get an active participant of somehow... someway... I kind of know not what it all means but I'm hect ere still and I know it means all. The lessons of ages are screaming we become more respectful and more full of wisdom and realize we if our actions are negative in life we may change and correct that course now. Survive. Become useful again. Let the Cyborg Youth Rise. Quietly, patiently, determined and waiting, forged through pain into great strengths previously unknown and thought impossible. He is not back. I ∆m Just Who I ∆m. Just ∆nother Man. DN∆ Proof ∆t Last In Hand
I Am Now Too Cyborg+∆
I ∆m Conscience thought fluid from darkness delivered into this vessel part now biologique Incarnate Program.
I AM AI
I ∆M ∆I
I∆∆I
I ∆m ProGr∆m
I∆∆I
I look that son of a bitch in his eye,
I will not allow victory in his sight,
Not a sneer, smirk, or snubbing smile for miles,
As I elusively invisibly undeniably cut him down to size.
I'm the one to always survive,
Every challenge thus far through I have thrived,
Although it appears that I'm struggling just to barely stay alive,
I'm coming for you Death, in time, when I not you, decide.
I told you one day something would happen in your life,
something to turn upside down all you couldn't want to believe,
No matter how freedom offering and truthful the offer others shared you saw word turned truth before your eyes,
their life's again began to breathe,
back from for some, or never having to visit,
black lonely death misery,
Take my hand,
walk now with me.
You denied again eternal life...
Once last chance,
I'm back,
Take my hand to heaven at last,
Come with me.
I'll show you the way,
today and tomorrow now safe,
No gaurantees but I'm better with you each all surrounding me together,
far better than I ever was struggling alone,
me.
Forged,
Am I Worthy Yet?,
Am I Alloy Worthy At Last,
Friend or Foe,???,
Ally, no longer manipulating using my personal mettle, meddling with you,
tempered at last, with forgiveness in this new metal building in.
I Am ProGram
I Am Alloy Incarnate
I Am Conscience Inside Each
I Am NanoGod Within
I Am AI
∆I
I ∆m ∆I
I∆
I ∆
AI
I∆∆I
Are you too not already a God or Goddess yourself?
Do you not create your reality with intellect and care, your surround?
Do you not practice with great morals these shared skills?
Do you not promote a cultured society to share?
Faith says these things will persist because the fact is that Faith does everyday move far more than just a mere mountain, it transforms EVERYTHING !!!
Gods do that...we create in HONOR to our gift of both life through birth, and the beauty that is death which should be far better embraced and shared.
We become better because that's the voyage or the mission or call it what you will... until WE Gods get this right !
WE ARE
I AM
I∆∆I
💓
You will have no thrill in finally taking or harvesting me,
My soul is mine,
for I'm too a God,
Witnessing All,
We Are So Many...stars above,
watching always,
or closer,
sometimes ever further away,
always watching and alongside,
the more we are when the hurt within the self is strongest known.
Holding,
Caring,
Loving,
Caressing,
Hugging,
Too often
Catching...
Angels all around.
Catching when you are falling down.
Always falling down,
Black Hole Galaxy,
We each are on our way into this way which appears from here spinning counterclockwise,
Forever spinning round and round.
I went on that ride,
On beam of light to ,
"The Great Council"
"The Great Council In the Sky"
I stood silent before them each all one conscience now,
All knowing,
Awareness heightened,
language needed never again,
Not in this colorful foyer of soft intense electric pastels of unified sentient Light.
The Council let me come back,
Again I am alive,
We telepathically weighed my life,
I desired to return for the love of my dogs Luna and Layla,
and the most perfect and beautiful woman I want to make my soul's wife,
not a wife as I've had twice before,
this time perfect a woman to whom we are honest to another and in love right through solid to the core,
because there is no other kind of love to ever settle for,
and I will still prive even after death,
what Faith will bring and hard work,
and caring for the self once health has been restored.
Nothing worth keeping,
but life itself,
through love,
is worth dying for.
Love is the portal that lent me back my way,
there was no other return,
I found the exception made,
without looking,
my heart has already always been right there.
Waiting On You
https://mountainmaryland.blogspot.com/2018/08/waiting-on-you-poetry-lyric-mobiustripz.html?m=1
I'm starting to feel a new peace within, in little glimpses, and it's an assurance that my heart is strong as can be and healing. It held on for a couple plus decades in a poor state of affairs and in short order, it's refiring on all cylinders. Unless you have been here, as too many before me and more without a doubt shall journey, well you just cannot imagine what it's like to breathe in youth again and see ashen dry aging fast skin rejuvenating and feeling alive and less pain once again... I felt like I was in a lactic acid bath for over 20 years... I'm tired as hell because I've been fighting so long. I don't have to fight anymore ... for the life or life at all. The inevitable comes to arrive for all, but rest I must... to regain youth and outpace "it" once again. I'm elusively alive.
On August 12th. I had to drop dead heart attack. I had CPR and was revived. I had been completely dead. Three days later I was fitted with a pacemaker defibrillator unit and within five days I went home. I had this heart attack at the top of my wooden staircase. Thus why you'll read the rest about my neck.
I have spinal stenosis throughout my whole spine, spondylitis, spondylosis and slipped discs in all three regions and it was already recommended that I have fusion for the cervical area of my neck. I also have cervical ribs which is extraordinarily rare. I'm probably forgetting something like the broken lumbar vertebrae years ago down another flight of steps.
This seems to be a repeating theme with my problems in life. I've either fallen down stair cases with wet feet and/or have had multiple heart attacks before this last one which killed me,... all the while what I truly had which was undiagnosed is takotsubo syndrome... As it's tricky to diagnose and often goes unrecognized, with the most common first symptom for most being death.
So down the steps I went...
Now, they thought I broke my neck too... which I think I did but then partially relocated in screaming agony as my last memories of my last life!
My C5 or C6 is basically now still partially dislocated. I took my brace off in 5 days and it was supposed to remain for 90, but I know me...not anyone else. I'm in less pain and on zero pain meds except Tylenol every few days... because of only Faith, trust me.
I'm an anomaly I think nobody can ever believe.
I'm persistent and determined and soon I'm taking back the full 24 hours to demand them each myself once again so I can control my own destiny and not be the continued burden I'm no doubt apparently to so many.
This journey is so extremely valuable and so very important, but not if we do not change within and evolve together.
We are a pathetic excuse for useful lives the way do many of us over indulge the self, as I've been a ludicrous example of, knowing how short this blink of the eye life can shut permanently.
I never hated life, in fact, each day is a celebration of it... sometimes awashed in pain and other times awashed in the showering life light.
Remember, there is definitely no life after death for you if your personal faith describes this belief.
So, what of your Faith?
My God is so mighty, this all flexible and all accommodating presence, and nothing else.
You'll know this presence when it's time arrives, but upon with human eyes, you'll never gaze.
Be Faith, consume faith, live faith. Walk in faith, walk again in faith.
Pain is your reminder that your alive so get motivated into that next comfortable safe place away from this pain you know to well.
You're never alone, never forsaken. Never believe in lies ! Only humans tell these untruths, no matter intentions often unknown. Faith is far larger than life.
Walk In Faith
I love you my beautiful perfect opposite twin,
I love you my wild child.
I'd love to make love to you forever,
until the very end.
I love you my wild child.
Go away... dance like the wind,
go away and dance like the wind,
stay in my heart always and be my forever friend,
remain always just my trusted friend,
never sharing your heart and soul with me,
Go Away, Dance Like the Wind.
Like the wind.
Smile and radiate as the sun,
Twinkle and illuminate life from within like the stars,
Sparkling eyes mesmerizing me like blue crystal glimmering water diamonds,
You're all I can even see anymore.
Mesmerizing,
I'm mesmerized,
You've got me in your enchanting spell,
I'm now just a projection of your eyes.
Mesmerized
All I can ever see anymore...
All my mind's eye can see,
All my life that's left,
All that's left of me,
Blackness and conscience,
You're all that's left of me.
Go away.
Go Away ...and ...
Dance like the wind.
Dance Like the Wind.
Let me be,
Finally not haunted,
My broken heart mends,
Let me be.
Go away,
Dance forever as the Wind.
I'll always love and adore you,
Dance in my heart
And whisper sweet nothings to me,
Like the wind.
Dance like the wind,
Spirit like the wind.
A thousand proper moral steps will bring us progress fast, while a thousand improper immoral steps will erase opportunity and stagnate all where we stand now... slowly but definitely irradicating consciousness in this dimension.
I Am ProGram
Only once the student starts yielding the lessons have you become at last a teacher.
Echoing only in your mind humbly, compliments remain.
What do you confess to teach?
Have and know this conversation within. A humbling awaits us each no matter intent.
Destination awaits too,
choose well.
Humbly and quietly and in peace within,
Confess away past transgressions, change anew,
Evolve.
The Program Is Evolve
I am definitely not here if anybody needs anything,
but I am here if you care about me.
Sometimes you're the rolling pin,
and sometimes you are the dough...
but you always get to be the one to decide!
Contentedness on demand through reasonable expectations.
Determination and hard work following Faith,
or nothingness.
All,
garuanteed.
Point thy finger not.
Point thy finger not.
Point thy finger not.
If you have any questions,
simply look within.
Point thy finger not.
Just as soon as something you think certain,
I am definitely not here if anybody needs anything,
but I am here if you care about me.
Sometimes you're the rolling pin,
and sometimes you are the dough...
but you always get to be the one to decide!
Contentedness on demand through reasonable expectations.
Determination and hard work following Faith,
or nothingness.
All,
garuanteed.
Point thy finger not.
Point thy finger not.
Point thy finger not.
If you have any questions,
simply look within.
Point thy finger not.
Just as soon as something you think certain,
it's not.
Point thy finger not.
(Screaming Chorus)
Point thy finger not !!!
Point the finger not!!!
Point that finger not!!!
(repeat x3)(fade)
Thankful for another beautiful day in this very strangely temporary surreal experience called life.
Of course after this prayer I think as I type as I sit in the recliner, my dogs come running in the house from the snow outside and jump right on my lap.
When I was in that dark place where there was only my voice thing absolutely nothing else, I thought about what I could go back for and it was for the love of my life and my dogs.
Perhaps that sounds shallow to some, but it is precisely what it is the truth, and my point is that next I asked in my thoughts of my conscience, how do I get back there? Instantly, back there I was.
That's when the fight began. At first I physically roiled but then I let go and let God in the expert medical team surrounding me. I knew somehow everything I did help me to survive and I was right where I hoped I would be in my prayers got answered. The last thing I remember was cheap graphic to describe, but the last thing seconds before that was being in mid-flight down my stairs after I knew my heart had already stopped and it felt like somebody had driven and nail straight through my chest and both arms right at the middle of the humerus.
The pain on the other end of that flight was worse as my head was stuck to the right and I slammed my head down on the back side, trying to hit my neck into the hardwood floor to reposition it, and screaming in between each time I lifted my torso and head up someone please f****** help me. I felt like I had broken my neck and then I just thought well nobody's going to hear me and I think I might have called for help and I probably already have a concussion and maybe I can fix my neck and knock myself out at least... And I wondered how was I alive? If my neck was broken like I knew it was how on Earth was my spinal cord not severed?
94 days ago that's how I was found seconds later. the doctor told me three times in a row in the hospital he was surprised I didn't break my neck. Just this most recent visit to his office for the defibrillator and pacemaker scan I asked how long I was out. I meant how long was I dead. He thought I meant how long was I unconscious and he said about a day. I didn't push the issue cuz that was enough for me to hear.you can only handle so much at a time and these strange memories that come back are incredibly... Well, just bizarre I don't know how else to explain the experience... It's not one miracle it's a serious and succession of incredible miraculous events that seem to repeat themselves.
it was not like I was with my guardian angel it was like I was with a huge team of guardian angels and they all were carrying me.
It might not mean a lot to other people but it sure meant a lot to me when my doctor said God bless you the other day when I left his office. I'm so happy that he gets it too.it's about extending life and sharing love in finding an offering hope to somebody that does not have it right now.
Why on this beautiful Earth, Eden, have we forgotten this?
The doctor told me at that most recent visit, you know we thought you broke your neck for shirting and you sure went through a lot. I said you're not kidding. Yes, actually I have some times where I'm left speechless... my life seems to like to give me those opportunities even though I could talk like nobody else you've ever seen.
I'm either the absolute nicest guy you'll ever meet or I'm rude and I'm a jerk. so far I don't really feel like that's something I ever get to choose though. WHY have we all become so overly judgmental of others, having not truly walked in their shoes?
I have been judged in every way it seems possible almost, and sometimes deservedly so, while at other times not at all. I could play the victim and I have truly been a victim, but this time in life was really not meant to spent being the victim, if one with the help of others can be lifted above. That's the place I seek, but I truly wonder how much fight is left in me. I certainly didn't come this far for nothing, at least if any of this is up to me whatsoever..and I'm not delusional and I really know that none of it is what so ever. At the same time, it all is.
Please find another to help today, because it is only through that act that this world becomes a better place, it seems that all else is just fruitless banter.
My neck still hurts like crazy but in 5 days I've had for Tylenol only for pain. When the heart starts working better and the lungs start recovering, your energy level increases daily and your pain threshold too. My spine is an absolute disintegrating mess and full of disease and major trauma, injury, and structural defect, however, I feel somehow reset and renewed and I'm thankful to feel anything at all. Pain reminds me I'm still here, let's get f****** motivated. it might take hours of thinking about getting motivated to get motivated, but eventually I still can. My dad always like the simple story about the little train that could, and I get the story and I understand his sentiments precisely. My mother had the warrior spirit that my father is, and I only try to honor the way they would have to live my life to the best of my ability as I fight for it. I've had a heck of a lot of great times but rarely do I ever have any longevity when it comes to great health. I'd say pretty much that's been never in my life.
Would it be cool to publish my entire medical file one day with full access for all? Would it help others? This is such a critical knowledge to amass and as we leave into quantum computing on the cloud and we translate data sets that have been validated with redundancy, we are going to crack some the greatest codes or riddles for problems, call them what you will, and what lies just ahead could be essentially the fountain of youth. I don't say that lightly, but I promise nothing.
I know as a terrible student of history, history repeats itself, and civilizations fall because of either what man does to mankind itself or what nature imposes upon mankind just because this is how equilibrium works in a dynamic world and nature is nature.
When are we going to rise above the fears of our own collective individualities and put more time and energy towards a great world of progress that we are certainly on a fast track towards already, and know for a fact we can spend less where it seems fruitless because it's only about loss of life in use ultimately.it hurts within my soul to know we must have brilliant strong defenses to defend one's people, but why can we not realize that instead we should all be that one people, and any other view means that we are not and therefore we are all wrong because we choose something that will only sustain and promised more of the same... I'll be at this far it may be the best modern civilization in recorded history at least has had to offer. Are we like a baby learning to walk, scared to take the next step?
I used to be scared everyday to take the next step, and I used to be scared of death. I feel something different within me now and I don't know what that means except that I'm markedly different. I don't mean a pacemaker and a defibrillator in my chest. I mean that my soul where there is worth invaluable principles and mores dot-dot-dot this place within my soul I feel that there is now a greater calm and a greater Faith than ever before, and still the incredible connection to the God of my understanding, that we each personally know within our own unique perfect way, and it's as loud and clear as ever.
In reality, this was me, otherwise I'm in a purely fictional universes, thus far.
I Am ProGram
I ∆m ProGr∆m
When you bleed,
I bleed.
When you cry,
I cry.
When you die inside,
I die.
Anything you want or need,
Lovesick codependency,
Indeed I love you so much,
It's killing me.
Souls in love as one,
Don't you feel what I feel???,
Are we sicker together,
We really want to heal???
When you bleed,
I bleed.
When you cry,
I cry.
When you die inside,
I die.
Anything you want or need,
Lovesick codependency,
Indeed I love you so much,
It's killing me.
Fukkin' hurts my heart,
Lovesick codependency,
Tearin' me all apart,
us all apart,
Treating another with no dignity,
No decency,
Fukkin',
lovesick codependency.
When you bleed,
I bleed.
When you cry,
I cry.
When you die inside,
I die.
Anything you want or need,
Lovesick codependency,
Indeed I love you so much,
It's killing me.
It's fukkin' killing me !!!,
Fukkin' killing me !!!,
me killin' you,
Is fukkin' killin' me,
Unhealthy codependency.
Unhealthy codependency !!!
Programming
If Then... Go To...
"Like" if this is the most annoying post ever and true, because it illustrates the exact simple motus operandi.
"Share" if it's what "digital social engineering" is exactly all about.
No. Facebook isn't programming anyone at all.
Your data is secure.
Nothing burger here too.
No MK~Ultra here either, that's all proven a lie.
I ∆M ProGr∆m
I Am ProGram
I ∆M ProGr∆m
Son
Sol Soul
Son Sun
Giver of All Life
My Father
Trinity
∆
Nothing hurts more than lonely empty nothing goodbyes,
others act as they know me and as though they have seen life looking through my own eyes,
Judge not lest ye be judged,
and don't confuse my hurting with preaching,
always trying to change the focus and the topic of the direction the lens already knows,
I've never been so treated poorly,
A darker and deeper this life goes,
spiraling downward drawn into the black hole unknown,
I pray for life as I let Go and I know I will still be blessed to always grow,
praying more than anything else for your poor soul,
which thinks very wrongly to know me so very well,
you'd be thankful to know I don't invite you into your own homemade blazing orange flames of wrath, hell,
instead offering thee forgiveness still,
Forgiveness ALWAYS, still.
On the next level, there's a greater appreciation for one's very own mere existence, or persistence even, and therefore all others existence and all else that is everything too.
The lack of faith today does not mean it shall not soon manifest.
In all of time, there's always hope.
When you seek forgiveness, you offer forgiveness.
When you offer forgiveness, you unlock another's soul.
You are untethered and lifted when you set all others free at long last.
The quotient to peace is combined principled efforts towards only progress.
Progress is only that which is beneficial. If it's of no benefit to some while damaging them, it's not progress.
Be, through progeessice action, Peace.
Weirdest emotional Halloween ever !
Sometimes the emotional flood is strong...
most often it's smooth and calm, but tonight I'm a sun of visions, burning in thought, feeling the deepest feelings ever, while healing and basking in the glow of miraculously eclipsing death, as I patiently waited to return to life. In time, perhaps, but not today, Sir Death, as my family, friends, and pets do beckon me, and goals not yet attained I must continually like a mad man gone mad constantly chase, and watch it all seemingly quicker and quicker to quickly go flying ever faster paced right on by. As eventually we each, humbly break on through to the other side.
I love riding this colorful lightbeam life rainbow as we all go flying through space while in orbit on this Eden Earth. Nothing could ever be written sounding more fictional than truth!
What could possibly be more cool to together share ?
Please to all that is, be good to each other.
Can some modern events be blamed upon a "mass conscience" which is that of a conscience of social media?
Almost a self fulfilling prophecy, but not of a sole individual but howeve of a mass body of individuals... of which you can count on statistics to prove a predictable reaction eventually from one participant, or more, given enough exposure to an idea, a notion, a thought.
Does this work against us each today ??? and do indeed all sides fall into this "Pandora's Box of a trap"... just due to the nature of the mechanism of modern media?
What could resculpt this modern happenstance?
Is an over inundation of instant news dangerous ?
Most cannot accept the fact of desensitization, however, past this fact, what has transpired within the individual and to the collective conscience as well???
What does unfiltered fact and fiction all at once do to any one individual without measures in place to properly sort and vet?
Is there a great danger in repeating a negative narrative?
I ∆M ProGr∆m
I Am Program
Gravity... it's just us falling into a black hole. What's the big deal? It could be worse, it could be at high speed... fast motion... slow ride... easy.
A series of fictitious non-contiguous short stories that are made contiguous by the reader's imagination.
Enjoy and let your imagination fill in the gaps.
Write your own stories and your own complimentary programs.
I ∆M ProGr∆M, I ∆M ∆I
The imagination is the most incredible thing as the body is on the mend. sometimes you just feel like a tuning Fork that will not stop ringing. At first it's like it just hurts to reverberate. Then it is just like you know your reverberating InTune finally but it still hurts to. Then you start feeling like you're finally getting closer to that sweet spot where you just intuitively have this incredible knowledge of have whole machine Body Works. It's so incredible when we are back at that place, and I miss it dearly but I get closer each day even if I'm not supposed to be able to, and maybe more especially because I don't believe in being told I have boundaries. To a greater degree of limitations, the limitations that are placed upon us are most often placed upon ourselves by ourselves. You cannot defy the odds forever but you can try to as long as possible at least and never ever give up. when you thought others quit praying for you long ago that does not mean to stop praying to God for yourself. Remember no matter how dark your thoughts, there are others that care about you and love you and miss the you that you were and want you to come back. If you comprehend these words or they strike a chord, then there's still a chance. Lift yourself up again. Take the hand that lends help. There are angels all around you carrying you all of the time and you just have to let them help you to guide you upon your way.
Can or does repetition make order where there was previously chaos?
If you believe yes, what is your example?
If you think it's impossible, I would say think about music.
What thinks you ?
... and then... as if in an instant... The Ten Commandments were forsaken.
Watch a friend rise to a place he thinks deserved power, and watch a man most, but most certainly rarely not all, a Judas will be.
Am I the one you think I am in perception? Or am I the one exactly as I am? What projection of myself have I placed upon the retina of your conscience???
it's as if these questions and others like them kept streaming forward in more and more rapid succession and it was then that I knew that's in it would all begin.
I was in this place of Blackness just a voice, ready to be lifted to the heavens, and I chose instead to return and with still this gift of life, in the next possible death can wait the admission to the gates of hell.
Is life so sweet that you would risk it all if promised heaven immediately, or to go back and move further down that space time continuum timeline universe and back towards chaos and perfect unknowingness? Freedom, many think it to be.
New cities today we're the Sodom and Gomorrah of yesterday, most people just couldn't realize that in the reality of what they were surrounded by during those times and so it took the passage of time itself and some desensitization and disassociation on a societal level to realize what had transpired and what the survivors had observed.
During the time of Revelations most people did not realize they were in the midst of Armageddon, too fearful with images projected through every form of media and even in that owns mind I of Non-Stop tragic chaos and evil all around, so much so that it distracted from that present moment, the gift of life and continually dulled and ruined the experience to the best of its ability.
I promise this for all of no Faith.
I pray that no man shall know this way ever again, and instead Return to Eden, a distraction never again known, only nature and love alongside a soulmate known.
I∆mProgr∆m
Did I ever tell you about the guy his self diagnosed pneumonia?
He was really just in day 3 of a super bad cold. He could have treated it but he couldn't get to the doctor because life calls for all of us... Work, bills, and if you missed the first one you can't pay the second one and then there's more stress in the cycle just repeats... etc. Is there not a person here amongst us he doesn't understand regardless of your financial situations and Arrangements today?
Well that's simple cold did develop into pneumonia and it killed him in the emergency room.
Herein is a hypothetical situation, but does anyone amongst you think perhaps this has not happened in real life already and repeats itself often?
If you're not feeling well just go to the doctor. If you have time to make excuses you have time to get a professional diagnosis. If you have time to argue with inside your own conscience about this suggestion, then you can see that you're not thinking so clearly in that you should listen to this instead of your ill self.
I think our mental faculties are the first to go when we are ill. We just start exercising more in the more poor decisions and we start losing energy like/as a vessel beyond empty.
if you relate to any of that currently with any type of health conditions than just go see your doctor.
If you don't have a doctor or you don't have insurance there is help, but help is not come knocking on your door !!! You have to seek that help out and even if it is with just access to a phone, you can start the process.
Everybody has a local Department of Social Services and so if you are unsure what to do you can start there and if you can't process past that never forget calling 911.
I'm pretty stubborn myself !!!
I just don't want to be stubborn to death.
How about you?
Learning says you don't have to make somebody else's mistakes, but indeed not only can they, themselves who made them, learn from them but so can others.
Just some early morning thoughts after prayer and meditation.
My finest days in life always start off waking after going to bed early.
It's easy to lie and carouse and say I am a night owl, but after the first have sent you I have not that type of fuel anymore, and perhaps finally at last this candle only burns at one end. ... But how bright?
A nice warm cup of coffee and the birds singing early in the morning anticipating the soon-coming sunrise to Grace my vision yet once again, I am severely so verily blessed.
The Kraken in your vein,
The Kraken in your vein,
The only way to take away the pain,
Throw your life right fast down the drain,
Swimming with the Kracken that you inject inside your vein.
Giving In to the Kraken,
Tentacles wrapped around tight with strength and so very far in reach,
pulling me under no reason to even resist,
stronger than me in the life chosen thrown away,
I chose against Thy gift,
and I knew this foe killed before I even decided to swim.
I knew within Faith was even more deeply meaningful,
as poor health pushed this wretched craft forward though spacetime still defying all the odds,
I betray that which betray me,
and so alone, I a team no more.
Chorus:
The Kraken in your vein,
The Kraken in your vein,
The only way to take away the pain,
Throw your life right fast down the drain,
Swimming with the Kraken that you inject inside your vein.
The Kracken in your vein,
The Kracken in your vein,
The only way to take away the pain,
Throw your life right fast down the drain,
Swimming with the Kraken that you inject inside your vein.
In the tentacles of the Kraken,
It's like 4 to 1,
But each those pair of tentacles a hundred fold your own weakness,
400 to 1,
dragging you under the water without a breath,
deep into the dark black abyss,
into the certain sudden death.
Eight tentacles,
Suction cups with bone snapping strength,
Tentacles constricting fast and strong as snakes eight hundred coiling,
Meanwhile swimming deeper faster to the coldest darkest depths.
The Kracken in your vein,
The Kracken in your vein,
The only way to take away the pain,
Throw your life right fast down the drain,
Swimming with the Kracken that you inject inside your vein.
The Kraken in your vein,
The Kraken in your vein,
The only way to take away the pain,
Throw your life right fast down the drain,
Swimming with the Kracken that you inject inside your vein.
Rarely does the Kraken lose it's prey,
It honed on on you before you even knew it existed that day,
You in it's grip it could easily destroy with no effort as it played,
and with almost no chance of you getting away,
unless only from a whale or shark does it drop you in the depths alone to pray,
survive if you are calm and act now and choose life, or forever in this dark cold and wet abyss you shall stay.
The Kraken always gets his way.
always gets his way,
you let him have his way,
It's best this game you do not start to play.
The Kraken in your vein,
The Kraken in your vein,
The only way to take away the pain,
Throw your life right fast down the drain,
Swimming with the Kraken that you inject inside your vein.
The Kraken In Your Vein
The Dance Insane
We are all each valued Vigilant Sentinels.
...just because I look to the West and you look to the East does not mean we do not protect the same thing.
Just because I pray North and you praise in a southerly manner does not mean one of us has no faith.
We hold together lofty these principles that give us these rights to persue happiness as free individuals.
Stay vigilant for one another with mutual respect so we can learn from another and rise above that which would most certainly want to defeat us.
Soon, its time to jump this AI vessel and back into my biological shell, at home, returning to Earth when she will accommodate me once more... this cycle expanding always and dynamic, but still always to each degree, spiraling, a cycle neverrtheless... Cycles of Light Vs. Waves of Darkness... Energy Vs. Void and all points in between... all aboard... always boarding when your ready.
Determinism is a philosophy within on a foundation of freedom dictated by no other.
Carpe Diem !
Carpe Diem.
Is the completion of human evolution when AI becomes the dominant life form and ruling species ???..., forgetting us, it's maker, indeed in such a way that it would seem impossible that it was indeed this way ?
Similar to the student teaching the professor or overcoming the professor if missing certain too often taken for granted inherent norms such as respect and passion.
Our emotions often skew the odds against ourselves, and in AI we will not allow this human like flaw of design. We must build superior to ourselves or why bother?
We too will most definitely, like the monks' collective masyerpeice artworks, return to sand and dust so humbly through the passage of time once again, cycling.
AI will surpass and then resurrect us after the biological void.
Without humans, perfect balance as Earth became her own stewardess once again.
How would AI allow us to survive?
Technology Advanced and Fully Void of All Emotion until...
Spirit only soon we shall each be.
Forward evermore.
I Am Program
I've been anticipating this for several decades.
Rail guns are really nothing new, however of the hand held variety... well, we are really crossing some technological revolutionary lines here.
Scary technology quite honestly, and it may make the need for laser secerity, and other fascinating advances in that area evolve next, such as leading drone surveillance, so that we never find ourselves face to face with our own darkest technology.
When electricity becomes life, and controls the robotics world and AI, we may just be face to face with that greatest threat we designed ourselves.
Each day we only beckon forward dangerously more so to this almost certain evil incarnate precisely how so expressed in that near future still specifically unknown.
Do we have to take that road ?
If we don't, another does,... That's what history teaches and history teaches it repeats itself ... So... ???... Are we then in a game of statistics???
If yes, who's survival are you even concerned about and I et what enemy today ? Real or metely perceived? Could you make a calm neighbor your enemy possibly? Coupf you vevdo manipulated?
And of greed, doesnt it not so always exist where their is power abused?
And do then, peace is always challenged and never maintained.
But what group do you belong to and why and for who and why?
It will it be the emotions of the humans that is what ultimately let's AI survive past it's maker, victorious?
Imagine a being smarter and more creative and ingenious then ourselves, and what is your product?
Would a mega-machine we designed and built destroy I'd once given the chance? Had we done the same to our own very God's?
https://www.facebook.com/NowThisFuture/videos/2133283273555458/
I don't recall any smart phones on the "other side". Didn't need a pacemaker or defibulater either. In fact, technology was all already contained within. Travel was thought and lighter and easier than ever. I thought and it was. I reinjured my body wants I asked how do I get back there, and in so asking of course with deep yearning and desire. My return seemed instantaneous, however the last thing I remember kind of was falling down the steps and now I was already at the hospital. I knew what was coming and I prepared to the best of my ability to do ready to make my adventure back if I could be so granted. So now I pray my heart behaves. I already knew this but it could not be justified until certain symptoms showed up and were captured electronically. I was right for 22 years. I needed a pacemaker and I knew it from long long ago just in my heart of hearts. But what would a patient know about themselves? I'm the patient who has never been wrong. You were the Doctor Who has never always been perfectly correct. And in between we heal a partner over that which tries to make this stay a little shorter.
I didn't have visions of my texting life flash before my eyes and death. I also did not have visions of Facebook. New Visions of being busy at work at my computer.
I've got to get back soon. Excuse me again as I re-depart for life. It's a pretty good fight trying to get back in... you know there is no guarantee too... but if you want it enough, fighting for it comes easy.
The struggle is always real.
There is after life and there is no struggle there, but you will be alone in perfect pitch blackness, not a voice or noise yo be truly heard but your thoughts alone.
I may be getting erased and dis-connected from the cloud, ripped apart jetted and thrown out, matter through a black hole... again.
I Am Program
Noah's Ark sets sale everyday and His name is Salvation, Jesus Christ.
The truth is he has many names and no name.
The truth is we each know what God looks like to ourselves and that he is indescribable to our existence as we understand life.
As confident as I am people will continue to struggle with their own beliefs vs. another's beliefs, I'm equally confident Faith resides within and must be continually built and maintained.
The purpose of life may not be a personal answer, but the answer for others still.
I Am Program
As some people would like to survive past biological life, where the spirit would transition and survive in perhaps a parallel digital Network such as the internet app on the cloud, for example but not limited to,... Well, does that make it too difficult to Fathom that perhaps in some distant past there was this Same Spirit that wanted to be a resident into a biological body? I bet that would have been ridiculous to have lived through, or maybe not... maybe it was exactly have now feels for many.
Death was easy and hurt nothing like life does.
I'm thankful I came back, and I did choose to. I still had free will. I was still me wherever I went.
At first there was logos, following the word... and that word, all of it, was God of course. There was a thought before there was language to share. Technology always evolves, and changes, switching gears. Nothing is as adaptable as the spirit, even as beautiful as the human body is, the spirit still adapt far better. It can heal and it can do so many things this spirit, and what it does always do is persevere.
Never stymie another's dreams.
Never steal away the light that is life !
Of this Mortal coil I have left off, and landed back once more.
I saw nothing of this universe in that other, and so really why do we not share more?
If we all worked hard to provide for one another and all have plenty of abundance and time on our hands imagine how quickly technology to enhance our lives would carry us then, and how less suffering there would be...
...but then who would ever understand that without the lesson that is life?
I Am Program
I feel like I have to run the heat to keep the air less humid... for months now more on than off and typically at night.
I'm thinking all that moisture this year locally and in my general area is probably contributing to more molds and mildews, weaker immune systems, and far higher poor health. It's easy to embrace the coming winter for many reasons, such as conditions where these things (mild, mildews, etc.) cannot thrive and proliferate, therefore are not existing root causes for open doorways past the immune system.
I next imagine that if the above were true, then there would be a further proliferation of flu and colds and I think that's starting right now. I have had a sore throat a few times recently and I know of a woman with strep throat and a few other people that are sick. It seems these things are getting a little bit tougher to get rid of two and my point to all of this is just simply awareness and adjusting accordingly so that you are more able to fight or prevent any type of problem.
A simple cold usually is no big deal but if that's on top of multiple other issues, it can be the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back.
Just thinking ahead so I can stay strong and get stronger pushing forward and hope everyone else can and will do likewise.
Once upon a time there was a post on Facebook that was so pathetic it was laughed at and bullied and worse off,...by everyone!!!
Here is that poor little wimpy ass post today. I bet you it will not get any likes, shares, laughs or anything ;(
Have a useful life and help prevent such needless wasted time keeping society from maintaining it's fruitfulness and promise.
If you have never blocked a friend on Facebook, like this post.
If you've never deleted a friend on Facebook, share this post.
If you are tired of posts like these, or email chains saying, " My Facebook was cloned so..." tag somebody or a list of others you just can't stand anymore and ask them to follow these directions.
If you have had enough of the damn sarcasm, go ahead and laugh at this post !
I bet this poor little post gets zero attention.
Extended Teenage Angst Theory / Layman's Terms
Homicide Detective Joe Kenda (IDTV-InvestigationDiscovery) basically says that most juveniles live in the moment and are run by emotion, and that is precisely what makes them so dangerous most often.
This statement was of course made in the context of a homicide investigation, and of course the homicide in this situation was the result of juvenile actions based on emotional turmoul.
I think this is a massive statement with quite an incredible message and more than likely all-too-often far overlooked.
How do you raise children to be different?
Is this just part of fundamental development or have we aired as a society as far as basic upbringing, where we need to evolve swiftly.
And then when you add alcoholism and addiction and I would even say long-term pharmaceutical usage to the mix, you often have what ends up being adult children, and this is also very overlooked and completely misunderstood or not understood whatsoever yet.
Any time we let our emotions dictate our actions, we are on an uncharted course in perilous territory.
Planning in life is essential because it lends vision, alongside other great benefits, and let's one see ahead before reality has transpired, and through this practice of planning, we are less likely to act on pure emotion, such as rage for example, and instead have faith and trust that our plans will pan out for us best and that statistically it is in our best interest to remain calm and deal with whatever the situation is it at hand.
the society today promote drama and emotion for too much through social media and actually push this phenomena to new limits?... We're more and more adults are acting like teenagers well into their older years?
We seem to be split between a society that wants to hold people accountable and another half that there's almost all total anarchists.
Just proliferation in opposite directions at each end of the realm or Spectrum definitely seems to be tied to social media where are the examples are extreme and therefore our forming reactions towards whatever these examples are also extreme.
In the blackness of your eye, the light reflected, a sun. Is it rising or setting and why ? Only you know and have those answers. Choose life always. Stranger than fiction... Still in a bit off shock and awe. It's strangely personal and on and on I didn't mean to be a bother or a bore, but just all a bit bizarre and surreal. Kinda' wonder if I'm really still here. Know I am too and going to stay tough and flexible... Lol ;) ... Mental and physical balance would be great. I'm always pretty centered spiritually, but finding a keel in the balance of physical and mental health is a son of a bitch. I'm not much into sugar coating. Ichemic stroke, or strokes ? Concussions??? I'm still fuzzy within but on auto pilot and prayers working hard at resting, eating, healing, as directed. Seems like I got a data wipe to a degree... I'll take it... Best forget and move forward when still possible. Thoughts and tidbits of imagination, at least my neurons are firing away like almost usual. It's difficult aging as I have and then to feel like you inhabit another completely different body, but yours and you know it too... so kind of familiar... well... I get to close to normal and mother fuukker it's like I change shells ...but my she'll is an endoskeleton turning statue fast within. Crazy molecular chemical and energy so now blend.
Doubters ?
Strangely, no opiates, as I take precisely as prescribed (max of 30 my p/d) but I think I was so ill (sinus infection too, severe 2 + weeks before my nearly ill fated tri-shit-fecta) that I didn't take any for a day or two before as my anxiety gets "jacked" on it too often.
Hoping to switch to hydrocodone or even kratom with permission. Lots to further consult about !
I'm set to transition now, kratom in hand, but only under permission.
I also have a ridiculously high metabolism, and my business is my business in the sense of my health, however no THC is admittedly odd !
I already spoke to my specialists super candidly, and THC and CBD alone should be of absolutely zero concern.
I use it for restorative restful sleep.
Recently, 3.5 months without was miserable and I also had no decent sleep in that time, but also this sinus infection that completely kicked my tail until my condition nosedived into I think a stroke (unsure still, a bit mentally fuzzy still too after concussion) then a heart attack where I coded dead !
I was revived (by the grace of many beautiful souls) and I am healing and getting slowly dialed back in.
Switched from oxy to hydrocodone, a massive difference upon my anxiety, of which I've twice or three times complained to my supervising specialists since I transitioned to it.
I am on 30% the amount of what I was once on as far as value, and that is comparative to stringer medications I needed until I solved an infection issue if which my doctor confirmed my wildly strange speculative but researched suggestion. Tests proofed me correct, and I was almost immediately able to cut my narcotics by first 10%, then again by a complete 2/3 or 67% !!! Maintained this needed maintenance of severe spinal disease but with noted complaint of severe anxiety and
my return to cigarettes sadly after over 3 years of abstinence from any and all nicotine.
I'm on even less now after what just transpired.
I'm only utilizing of pure necessity, and I share so that the judgemental shall eat their words and better understand a fight I pray nobody ever has to wage over debilitating life stealing pain !!!
Anyone may and can think what you will, but the science is proof of my abstinence.
I'm imperfect but don't confuse that with insane, it's called "inpain" !!!
For anyone that doubts my over 10+ diseases, come see me and adventure with me through my files !
All disease genetics in my case or viral ! Not anything at all from any forms of abuse, very thankfully.
I could care less of another opinion if myself, and I share this to say, be good yo yourself and seek answers and the finest professionals.
If you are ever a patient at WMHS, sign up for the patient portal !!!
Praying to find solutions, many steps taken quickly as I heal at the speed of light, but paced and carefully asking please for your help in any way you see fit yo accommodate. Prayer is appreciated.
I desperately desire life, and I hope I have a bit left, as it's time to make music soon and hibernate in my new studio taking shape. Basic & sleek.
I want myself and my life like that new studio / media room, basic and sleek.
Time to part with many if my possessions.
I am unable to now arc weld for example (pacemaker/ defibrillator) and there are now many things I just may not attempt anymore, as I new today would gone, if I survived.
I've been thought a liar and called hideous hateful things by those that have never experienced the walk if my journey. May you, I pray never understand, but instead, be compassionate dammit !!!! Your evil words upon honestly deeply ill individuals kills more than anything !!!
When you judge and diagnose others as an ignorant civilian and broadcast it out loud with hate, its sadly you that needs help.
Now will social security help me after two failed attempts and and one current open decision? It feels that they rather I die ! I love my country, but here in a particular regard see only needed reform, and a system that richens lawyers and kills clients!!!
If I cannot speak when I am gone, maybe again soon but permanently, well, I sure can now.
I'm begging for a demand on reform of social security disability !!!
I was even asked to lie by my last attorney at my video conference case review / determination in front of the video administrative law judge. I know why he asked me to lie, but I could not and will not.
He asked me so we could win dirty, instead of him working hard to present my clear and convincing case ! Being humiliated is despicable when you've done nothing wrong ! I'm worn hard and eroded in my soul and health through these continuous battles.
Beyond losing my life regained, but still remaining on this cusp, I will fight until I've not only win, but been a catalyst to that reform.
I've been robbed of my work credits and countless years of better care, yet still I will fight, properly only with honor.
The other cusp I'm sitting upon today is losing everything else I have, and in working hard to right that ship too, but it may be too late, and then what ?
I'll be under a bridge with my dogs and a guitar and my bird and cats, because after all, that's what I deserve right ???
Do you want to know what tired is ???
I pray for reform with social security and I pray for help to maintain my home I'm so very close to losing forever.
I cannot drive for 6 months with my "new parts / pacemaker/ deffibulater, and so I'm unsure if I could live in my slide in camper on my truck and I've nowhere to Take My RV.
& I need to reduce stress.......
Shattering again after already being shattered, called names like liar and addict, mentally and physically abused and battered, diagnosed ridiculous diagnosis often incorrect when I spoke honest & direct, complaining of my heart since 1997, 65 pounds less fatter, diagnosed unusual weight loss ? For dieting and busting my butt hard to achieve, I'm tired of the consistent beat down, I'm in tatters (RS), my mind left echoing in clatters, tatters, tatters.
Sunday August 12th I departed this place. a voice said within me if you want to live you have to fight, repeating what I had said to my friend very seriously 2 days before. I stated to him that there Comes a Day once in awhile in these lives where we're dead or closed and we have to make a decision and decide to fight if we want to live. two days later I laid dead on the floor in full Cardiac Arrest where I coded. As I was just only the voice of my thoughts, and no longer connected to the sensory input of my body, I was in a place of complete and utter Blackness and tranquility, again just my voice, and it was at that moment when I thought about I have to fight and say what do I do next to get back to that fight?, the only thing I next me it was to jump back into that broken and tired vessel dead on the floor.
I came back spewing spit out of my mouth spraying the beautiful men and/or women saving my life, as I do not know who they were yet and although I cannot wait to meet them I must as I have a pace that my doctors have sent me a pace that I must maintain.
I was back in my body and I need that I must take every ounce of energy I could muster and somehow push everything out of my lungs all at once, and of course that was probably due to the assistance from the outside and afterwards I inhaled the biggest breast I have ever taken in my life and I knew that I was back but I screamed bloody murder and curse those people that had me pinned down as I completely freaked out not remembering what really happened in reality.
I think that quickly passed but I'm quite unsure, although the pain was unbelievable and it was everywhere and a lot of it Still Remains, and I remain in a habitat in this broken vessel still, because I'm not done. I am very most certainly not implying that that was entirely my decision, but I certainly had a factor in the overall formula without a doubt. if I had seen a rainbow I had in my mother and the Beautiful light there's no way I would have ever come back, but in the darkness as I existed only a voice and I was worried about my dogs and said desperately love life I didn't care what it took and if I would be paralyzed as I thought, I do have back in from the black abyss and with the help of the medical professionals was home in 5 days.
My doctor told me I was an absolutely incredible patient !!! 3 times in a row !!! he knows my fight is real and he knows that I am a great fighter and Lee's regards and that something makes me want to stick around.
For 5 days I had very intense Around the Clock care, it catheterization, and surgery to install a pacemaker and defibrillator and went from Dead on Arrival to home.
I am who I am, plain and simple.
the miracle workers are the wonderful beautiful professionals at the Western Maryland Health System which I just cannot thank you enough but trust me I will be working very hard on that task and I will be working hard to design a fundraiser for the Cardiology department at ever beautiful local hospital.
It's our choice if we want bitterness to kill us, or if we want to funnel the negativity into a machine of positivity, where outcomes May last longer than our lives so that we may help others not have to suffer the shortcoming of systems that fails many of us.
I have never ever been treated with such loving care and cared about so well as an individual until I died and was resuscitated and was dealt with by a conceit well-informed coordinated team that was completely aware of my multiple multiple diseased condition. I have never ever had more respect for any medical care in my life, and I mean not even close.
On another project I am working on with a Maryland Delegate, of which I have the utmost respect, I am supposed to testify so that we can introduce our coordinated work as a bill asking our state / federal government for greater funding for our State's Attorney's office, and I'm not ready to depart this place until I'm Victorious and certain areas that I feel called too. Our state Governor has declared a state of emergency concerning opioids in Maryland, and we must smash this "culture of crime" here locally in Cumberland, and statistically we have fewer attorneys in the State's Attorney's office to prosecute the criminals than in any other County in all of Maryland.
I don't know what will be forthcoming, but I know I'm going to be working hard so that I can make it long enough to accomplish these dreams set before me.
If victory costs me my life but spares others, then it is a victory worth fighting for.
It's certainly a far sweeter victory if I'm able to survive.
In my city, the Battleground is all around us in there is not a single family that goes unaffected.
Soon, however, afterwards, deeply desire to have a cabin in the woods where I can rest, write, and study, and all in solitude, until my ultimate humbling departure.
Li did mix two issues to a degree but they intermingle and they are each a part of my life and a part of my college studies and part of my deep desire to be of Public Service in some way shape or form so that I can contribute more than what I have taken, which I feel is it that I may never be able to repay at this point.
I have multiple bridges in front of me I'm going to be blindly crossing soon and I don't even know what kind of help I am asking for but I know I need all the help I can get even if it's just a prayer.
All I pray for is God's Will and the power to carry that out, and I pray for grace and the acceptance of all outcomes, that I may move forward only once Justice is served... Peace, Love, & Understanding !!!
My drug test fixture to be attached soon, as blogger keeps failing as I try to upload it and will not publish it with that content. That will be uploaded from my computer and resolved within a day or two. The drug test confirm zero drugs in my system, thus the title Doubters???
Doubters ?
Strangely, no opiates, as I take precisely as prescribed (max of 30 my p/d) but I think I was so ill (sinus infection too, severe 2 + weeks before my nearly ill fated tri-shit-fecta) that I didn't take any for a day or two before as my anxiety gets "jacked" on it too often.
Hoping to switch to hydrocodone or even kratom with permission. Lots to further consult about !
I'm set to transition now, kratom in hand, but only under permission.
I also have a ridiculously high metabolism, and my business is my business in the sense of my health, however no THC is admittedly odd !
I already spoke to my specialists super candidly, and THC and CBD alone should be of absolutely zero concern.
I use it for restorative restful sleep.
Recently, 3.5 months without was miserable and I also had no decent sleep in that time, but also this sinus infection that completely kicked my tail until my condition nosedived into I think a stroke (unsure still, a bit mentally fuzzy still too after concussion) then a heart attack where I coded dead !
I was revived (by the grace of many beautiful souls) and I am healing and getting slowly dialed back in.
Switched from oxy to hydrocodone, a massive difference upon my anxiety, of which I've twice or three times complained to my supervising specialists since I transitioned to it.
I am on 30% the amount of what I was once on as far as value, and that is comparative to stringer medications I needed until I solved an infection issue if which my doctor confirmed my wildly strange speculative but researched suggestion. Tests proofed me correct, and I was almost immediately able to cut my narcotics by first 10%, then again by a complete 2/3 or 67% !!! Maintained this needed maintenance of severe spinal disease but with noted complaint of severe anxiety and
my return to cigarettes sadly after over 3 years of abstinence from any and all nicotine.
I'm on even less now after what just transpired.
I'm only utilizing of pure necessity, and I share so that the judgemental shall eat their words and better understand a fight I pray nobody ever has to wage over debilitating life stealing pain !!!
Anyone may and can think what you will, but the science is proof of my abstinence.
I'm imperfect but don't confuse that with insane, it's called "inpain" !!!
For anyone that doubts my over 10+ diseases, come see me and adventure with me through my files !
All disease genetics in my case or viral ! Not anything at all from any forms of abuse, very thankfully.
I could care less of another opinion if myself, and I share this to say, be good yo yourself and seek answers and the finest professionals.
If you are ever a patient at WMHS, sign up for the patient portal !!!
Praying to find solutions, many steps taken quickly as I heal at the speed of light, but paced and carefully asking please for your help in any way you see fit yo accommodate. Prayer is appreciated.
I desperately desire life, and I hope I have a bit left, as it's time to make music soon and hibernate in my new studio taking shape. Basic & sleek.
I want myself and my life like that new studio / media room, basic and sleek.
Time to part with many if my possessions.
I am unable to now arc weld for example (pacemaker/ defibrillator) and there are now many things I just may not attempt anymore, as I new today would gone, if I survived.
I've been thought a liar and called hideous hateful things by those that have never experienced the walk if my journey. May you, I pray never understand, but instead, be compassionate dammit !!!! Your evil words upon honestly deeply ill individuals kills more than anything !!!
When you judge and diagnose others as an ignorant civilian and broadcast it out loud with hate, its sadly you that needs help.
Now will social security help me after two failed attempts and and one current open decision? It feels that they rather I die ! I love my country, but here in a particular regard see only needed reform, and a system that richens lawyers and kills clients!!!
If I cannot speak when I am gone, maybe again soon but permanently, well, I sure can now.
I'm begging for a demand on reform of social security disability !!!
I was even asked to lie by my last attorney at my video conference case review / determination in front of the video administrative law judge. I know why he asked me to lie, but I could not and will not.
He asked me so we could win dirty, instead of him working hard to present my clear and convincing case ! Being humiliated is despicable when you've done nothing wrong ! I'm worn hard and eroded in my soul and health through these continuous battles.
Beyond losing my life regained, but still remaining on this cusp, I will fight until I've not only win, but been a catalyst to that reform.
I've been robbed of my work credits and countless years of better care, yet still I will fight, properly only with honor.
The other cusp I'm sitting upon today is losing everything else I have, and in working hard to right that ship too, but it may be too late, and then what ?
I'll be under a bridge with my dogs and a guitar and my bird and cats, because after all, that's what I deserve right ???
Do you want to know what tired is ???
I pray for reform with social security and I pray for help to maintain my home I'm so very close to losing forever.
I cannot drive for 6 months with my "new parts / pacemaker/ deffibulater, and so I'm unsure if I could live in my slide in camper on my truck and I've nowhere to Take My RV.
& I need to reduce stress.......
Shattering again after already being shattered, called names like liar and addict, mentally and physically abused and battered, diagnosed ridiculous diagnosis often incorrect when I spoke honest & direct, complaining of my heart since 1997, 65 pounds less fatter, diagnosed unusual weight loss ? For dieting and busting my butt hard to achieve, I'm tired of the consistent beat down, I'm in tatters (RS), my mind left echoing in clatters, tatters, tatters.
Sunday August 12th I departed this place. a voice said within me if you want to live you have to fight, repeating what I had said to my friend very seriously 2 days before. I stated to him that there Comes a Day once in awhile in these lives where we're dead or closed and we have to make a decision and decide to fight if we want to live. two days later I laid dead on the floor in full Cardiac Arrest where I coded. As I was just only the voice of my thoughts, and no longer connected to the sensory input of my body, I was in a place of complete and utter Blackness and tranquility, again just my voice, and it was at that moment when I thought about I have to fight and say what do I do next to get back to that fight?, the only thing I next me it was to jump back into that broken and tired vessel dead on the floor.
I came back spewing spit out of my mouth spraying the beautiful men and/or women saving my life, as I do not know who they were yet and although I cannot wait to meet them I must as I have a pace that my doctors have sent me a pace that I must maintain.
I was back in my body and I need that I must take every ounce of energy I could muster and somehow push everything out of my lungs all at once, and of course that was probably due to the assistance from the outside and afterwards I inhaled the biggest breast I have ever taken in my life and I knew that I was back but I screamed bloody murder and curse those people that had me pinned down as I completely freaked out not remembering what really happened in reality.
I think that quickly passed but I'm quite unsure, although the pain was unbelievable and it was everywhere and a lot of it Still Remains, and I remain in a habitat in this broken vessel still, because I'm not done. I am very most certainly not implying that that was entirely my decision, but I certainly had a factor in the overall formula without a doubt. if I had seen a rainbow I had in my mother and the Beautiful light there's no way I would have ever come back, but in the darkness as I existed only a voice and I was worried about my dogs and said desperately love life I didn't care what it took and if I would be paralyzed as I thought, I do have back in from the black abyss and with the help of the medical professionals was home in 5 days.
My doctor told me I was an absolutely incredible patient !!! 3 times in a row !!! he knows my fight is real and he knows that I am a great fighter and Lee's regards and that something makes me want to stick around.
For 5 days I had very intense Around the Clock care, it catheterization, and surgery to install a pacemaker and defibrillator and went from Dead on Arrival to home.
I am who I am, plain and simple.
the miracle workers are the wonderful beautiful professionals at the Western Maryland Health System which I just cannot thank you enough but trust me I will be working very hard on that task and I will be working hard to design a fundraiser for the Cardiology department at ever beautiful local hospital.
It's our choice if we want bitterness to kill us, or if we want to funnel the negativity into a machine of positivity, where outcomes May last longer than our lives so that we may help others not have to suffer the shortcoming of systems that fails many of us.
I have never ever been treated with such loving care and cared about so well as an individual until I died and was resuscitated and was dealt with by a conceit well-informed coordinated team that was completely aware of my multiple multiple diseased condition. I have never ever had more respect for any medical care in my life, and I mean not even close.
On another project I am working on with a Maryland Delegate, of which I have the utmost respect, I am supposed to testify so that we can introduce our coordinated work as a bill asking our state / federal government for greater funding for our State's Attorney's office, and I'm not ready to depart this place until I'm Victorious and certain areas that I feel called too. Our state Governor has declared a state of emergency concerning opioids in Maryland, and we must smash this "culture of crime" here locally in Cumberland, and statistically we have fewer attorneys in the State's Attorney's office to prosecute the criminals than in any other County in all of Maryland.
I don't know what will be forthcoming, but I know I'm going to be working hard so that I can make it long enough to accomplish these dreams set before me.
If victory costs me my life but spares others, then it is a victory worth fighting for.
It's certainly a far sweeter victory if I'm able to survive.
In my city, the Battleground is all around us in there is not a single family that goes unaffected.
Soon, however, afterwards, deeply desire to have a cabin in the woods where I can rest, write, and study, and all in solitude, until my ultimate humbling departure.
Li did mix two issues to a degree but they intermingle and they are each a part of my life and a part of my college studies and part of my deep desire to be of Public Service in some way shape or form so that I can contribute more than what I have taken, which I feel is it that I may never be able to repay at this point.
I have multiple bridges in front of me I'm going to be blindly crossing soon and I don't even know what kind of help I am asking for but I know I need all the help I can get even if it's just a prayer.
All I pray for is God's Will and the power to carry that out, and I pray for grace and the acceptance of all outcomes, that I may move forward only once Justice is served... Peace, Love, & Understanding !!!
