I'm leaving in a few days to visit my father. A few days means past 3. Usually right about now I start feeling anxious and it builds up worse and worse to where I can't sleep the night before etc etc if you know what I'm talking about, you know what I'm talkin about.
Well, I also just start freaking out when I even hear about trying to plan on going out of town because pets and all the work I have to do in preparation and leaving my doctor's and you can see I could start this and go on and on and on and semi brain hits play there in will not shut up.
My pacemaker is pacing at 1%, my ejection fraction is 65 I believe percent which is a very high normal indeed on the high end of that spectrum meaning great great news. I was born with a heart valve murmur but I don't have it now. My heart's normal size. my blood pressure is perfect. My blood work is almost perfect and I anticipate with the new statin I am taking that next time it will indeed be the best it's ever been in my life.
now that my body has a chance I think it's starting to straighten itself out but that doesn't mean that you dislocated vertebrae in my neck are going to just go back into place nor does it mean spontaneous regeneration of my spine however I never rule anything out with medical technology and scientific research where we are today. And so I bided my time super carefully and pray.if yours one of those that laughs at praying and blessings and kind thoughts I want you to please think about this. It's a state of mind. It does matter if others know you think about them positively and vice versa. It has an incredible effect on the human soul and it does Lyft and we don't need to argue about beyond the realm of reality. I could talk about in that as well but my point is is just your sentiment alone will change your chemical makeup and you as a functioning being with a biological body will behave differently because of the chemical influence and that is not a joke. If you don't behave differently the body itself well and in your wake will be left less pleasurable things as opposed to the opposite is my essential point.
all of a sudden I'm looking at going back out of town for the third time I think in 6 weeks. I'm kind of thinking maybe I haven't done that in 12 to 15 years. no I don't just jump right out of bed when I wake up because that's just not how my body is today but after what takes usually a few hours I'm fairly functional finally and waking up is just really tough and it takes a lot of muscle strength to really keep myself upright to appear better than probably my body would like to naturally kind of crumpled over and I won't stop fighting that and what it means is I usually have to work harder and harder to maintain good muscular tone because it gets more and more difficult the older we get. However I have been busting my ass for a long time and not getting the results I thought I should but now it seems like it's almost easy.
I'm also really concerned and I don't want to be overly confident in these regards because none of that so worth it and as everybody knows it seems like this brain never shuts off. Well what's amazing is once upon a Time I felt like this tuning fork that somebody through as hard as they could against the concrete and then without anything to muted it was only left to its own devices and the deafening ringing that reverberated through the body the mind the soul just couldn't be quelled. Well it was all chemical in makeup and my heart. there's something completely different within me now in that is my soul were there this is calm now like I can be the evolved person I was supposed to be in would never allowed to be.
I waited a long, long time. if I didn't have the conditioning that face cakes as a human being I would have given up a long time ago and I'm not saying I waited patiently like a monk at a monastery oh, I was a complete f****** maniac at times in regards to self abuse because sometimes you must have a break from this kind of trauma.
I am just so thankful that I'm here and that finally I can look back and start to make sense of this because somehow I know there are lessons here that will help others and I'm wondering what else a pacemaker could really do to normalize The human condition for the suffering of emotional turmoil. That might sound completely ridiculous but with certain diagnostics if the heart is proven to not be functioning properly, there is without a doubt change in the body that is great and that body Cascade straight into our chemical molecular systems that are critical for proper functioning and signaling.
it is very difficult to maintain good health with the poor heart, and obviously we should all fully understand and be aware of that as it is common knowledge, right?
In some regards it's a scary future. There's so much uncertainty. I have a pending social disability case and I would love to be able to return to work but I cannot be consistent. However if I have an able to contribute as I think I might be able to soon then wouldn't it be wonderful to really still have a career. I could still retire at 72 and get 20 good years in somewhere baby and contribute back finally on
the level that I feel like I should be able to. Maybe then I could be a responsible husband it contribute to family also.I'm definitely not a worthy catch today and anybody in their right mind would throw me back.
I'm probably just dreaming oh, and all this already feels like a dream every day all day long.
I've been denied Social Security disability two times and I've been denied since I was dead and revived. they just gave me a psychiatric evaluation on near the year anniversary. That's very nice isn't it.
I love our great nation and I respect government more than most people I know and I am indeed active politically as it's just something that has always been around me in my life and a part of my life. as we often say it is who I am to a degree largely.
Does anybody really question the amount of trauma I just went through? You think there's anybody that can tell you all about this much? You think there's anybody out there to talk to you that says yeah I understand 100% man?
I don't want to Social Security disability I just want the Peace of mind of knowing that somehow I will be taking care of safely and with security that's all.
it's f****** a humiliating to have to live the way I haven't had to live and it is humiliating for so many millions of people that truly, truly need help.
with spinal stenosis throughout my entire disease and disintegrating spine because I presented well in court and would not act and bring my king like my lawyer instructed me to my second case was denied along with my one doctor stating that I had stayed at the wisp and I did joke with him and said I guess skiing is out of the question, and stupid me trying to be light-hearted didn't think about English was not his first language and again my own stupidity help me to lose the second case where I was called a liar by a federal administrative law judge. What a despicable move. Did you not look at the evidence of my x-rays my MRIS? It's amazing the abuse I have been put through through this system and the truth is is the diagnostics oh, and the actual critical diagnosis that I finally have supports 100% that I've been right all along and then I am not a liar. I never have skied the wisp once in my life by the way. I'm sure that I said well I guess the wisp is a completely out of the question isn't it? Because he was looking at me like how on Earth am I even walking here if this guy has this bad of spinal cord compression in the cervical area of his neck where I just told him he needs to fuse it and he showed me my pictures, my imaging that was recent and I believe this to be about 12 or 13 years ago. I have no qualms with the doctor whatsoever. I am sure he is a fine and very well intended man. It's simply called communication breakdown.
It's amazing that anybody would think that I would want to be disabled. I am so sick and tired of being looked down upon or being looked at as something I am not !!!
I'm a fighter and I don't mean in the sense that I am ignorant and I'm going to stomp you or that I'm a mean person what I mean is that I have stick-to-itiveness and tenacity like you have never seen before and I have a very strong desire to live and I will do what I can every day to learn as much as I can every day in the hope that I may be a better service as well as serve myself and save myself. there is no way on God's green earth that I am still alive if I had been left to my own devices. It is a society as today that has been what grants me nearly 52 years of longevity. Without this formal society today I died at around three years old of an asthma attack that without treatment would certainly have left me dead. August 12th of 2018 I went through more medical Fiasco's than one can usually believe and the facts are that here I am because of a society structured such as today.
Social Security is the most inefficient ineffective system of any system I have ever studied or been a part of and I'm not alone there.
Perhaps by executive order President Donald Trump can enact something new where what can be accommodated will be titled personal security and that will just be the guarantee that one cannot be financially attacked or held accountable for or have any fears while they are going through these types of medical ordeals.
Why do we have systems that leave the desperate, even more desperate. You cannot imagine the type of desperation people are left in if you have never been near it, don't even pretend to understand. most of the population is completely out of touch with reality of these dire and desperate tragic situations which must be remedied now because I will tell you why...
We have the largest retirement generation in recorded history heading into retirement, some of them already on that leg of the journey. we also have the largest population in recorded history. We are also suffering a medical professional shortage. It's likely that those things are going to continue on the trajectory is that they are, and hopefully more people will be able to qualify for professional medical training of all different types, especially needed is more doctors honestly but always more nurses. I'm not in the field so you would have to do your own due diligence to find out where you might just find yourself of you send interest. My point is we are faced with huge challenges that are not easy two-faced whatsoever and end Life as a Time topic is already difficult.
Why do we allowed to persist systems of complete failure. I will tell you right now if you would track most of the money that is used in the immediate payouts I think most of it in the maximum amount probably goes to these attorneys and their whole careers are just trying to get people disability and that should not be something that is profitable for somebody in any profession. That is very counterintuitive to what do you think would be an efficient system. we should have a government system where it is the patient that has attorneys that work for him and that our employees of the Social Security administration and administer the help and the security that they are supposed to. We have far and long gotten away from doing things properly and we must restore for replace that which has been damaged or lost.
8 out of 10 people will not read to this point 99 out of a hundred won't care about me personally. Those are just the facts on statistics. Yes they are round guesses but after 52 years your guesses are a little more well-rounded at least in general I know I'm leaning the right way.
Maybe I am the one one thousandth of 1% of the weirdest wildest Social Security disability cases in the world, because usually I am the freak, the anomaly and that's why I often I am left in these perplexing situations that others don't believe. I can back up every single thing I say that I promise you that. I think what leaves me at odds and defeated is that even with the evidence and me standing before their eyes they find the truths unacceptable somehow. These truths are self-evident for any logical sane and rational man or woman.
I don't mean to cry the blues here. I want you to know that there are millions that are suffering while others are enrichenrd and there is a huge flaw here and it is been allowed to persist for decades and it must be corrected. How much money and time has been spent with me going through this process now towards the latter half of the third time?
How can an attorney have his own practice and only fight for people's Social Security disability and make a decent enough living at that to own the practice and employ others and do very well for themselves? Is that not obvious there is a massive flaw? They've already hung me twice and they're going to do it again so at what do I have to lose any more. They wanted me dead for ages.
You can't get good representation for some things because these guys get paid if you win.God forbid an attorney should have to work for me, as he wants my case gift-wrapped for him with a beautiful bow and placed right under the tree. Scum balls, or is that the way the system is made to work, or is that the way the system works? The focus shouldn't be emotional it should be focused on solving why the problem exists and taking that problem out root and all and helping those that are suffering. Why do we allow broken systems to persist?
We should calculate how much money the Social Security disability system pay is that per year and find out truly, how many disabled people receive those benefits and at what total and make a comparison.
nobody can be very articulate about any of this stuff because well then you see why you need an attorney.
Go watch the NFL documentary called the football life of Earl Campbell or Earl Campbell A football Life. It's on YouTube I have spinal stenosis throughout my whole spine I was Born This way.I have ankylosing spondylitis and spondylosis also. I have broken a lumbar vertebrae and I have slipped discs in all three regions of my spine. I have two dislocated vertebrae in my cervical area now and I had lost 2.2 in in height. Cervical fusion was recommended 12 years ago plus.
Concerning heart disease, just go look up takotsubo syndrome.
when the lawyer, Richard neuworth, told me to bring the cane and then insisted I bring the cane as I told him I would not if I did not need it and he said you will bring the game to court tomorrow Mr swaggart you're definitely going to need it. I said well we'll see how I feel in the morning anyway you get the gist of that I immediately called to West pointers in an attorney that I worked for at one time to let them know what it just transpired because I knew that if indeed I was having a good day and I went to court in that future log date and that I didn't bring the can cuz I didn't need it because I'm not a liar, well at least I would have these men to back me up and I guarantee you those phone calls will all be logged at the same time back to back to back probably I have a picture of those call log somewhere I do not recall what phone number I called from but I know I would have called to my father's house and it wouldn't be hard to find out all those dates because it was just probably days before that administrative law hearing that we conducted by video. Something I wrote about and suggested before I ever saw it anywhere else and I believe was one of the very first you to have this transpire as well. Called a liar and denied, net outcome.
