Forgive Somebody Today, What If We Each Did That ??? ~ Cyborg∆Steve, The Other John

I've tried my best to be a kind person and caring all my life but right now I feel a rage is about to start that may never be vanquished. I don't do emotional things well and lost is the worst of all. Those that have wronged me are going to be in my path in the wrong time and they will have to be held accountable then, as do I. I know the precise amends I need to make, however they cannot be made from ill health. if you need some excuses I'll shove all of my paperwork from the hospital in your face followed by a right and then a left hook and then an uppercut... for starters. 

I'm getting pissed is what I'm trying to say and I want everybody to stay the f*** away from me. I'm very angry right now at the world which is all of us which is situations which is myself which is when life is imploding and one is truly helpless I just kind of hate everything now and don't take it personal I'm just kind of like volatile

I'm best at just left to my own devices writing or pouting or crying or walking my dogs but I really do need people but I do but it doesn't matter because you never know how I feel. 5 years ago I lost my mother and it has been like watching my family going down a black hole, and right now 50 things I love more than anything in my life are getting destroyed in slow motion and I already was in quite the same manner and got to come back because of love.

WHY would I survive with the two people that really truly gave me life good need me taken away or hurt so badly afterwards.

I don't feel guilt I feel the deepest hurt I've ever known and I had to testify against a friend because he murdered my other friend, his father. I feel more hurt than that and I couldn't drink myself numb back then. I did flunk out of George Mason University though.

The things that are happening to me right now or inside of me and my own personal world because I'm watching two people getting destroyed physically and the way it impacts everybody around them because they are both so dearly loved, is absolutely devastating to others... I have never watched or felt so helpless but also at the same time been so hurting in my heart.

The heart attack I died from is called takotsubo syndrome or the nickname of a broken heart disease. its scientific and it's real and it can be diagnosed and treated as mine has been in all of this is 100% undeniable by modern scientific means and it is a beautiful thing that we are able to cross through some of these thresholds in portals of the hell but you can't imagine how traumatic the journey is.

I wanted to go to Mars and I still kind of do made me more than ever because after I have a cabin in the woods for a few years and my dogs go across the bridge they must maybe I choose no more pets in depart, the first person to probably be going back is what I really think.

it would probably be time for me to donate my body that way to science like I would like to anyway oh, so it would be okay and I would get to fulfill my journey and be another John Swigert that goes to space. I've proved it I could take everything except emotional s***. You can truly beat the hell out of me and I'm going to come back. Don't you ever forget it. what's this is impregnated in your mind and you know the fact of the truth you'll understand that this is now indelible to you and nearly epic in the eons of time looking backwards oh, and some will scoff today but in time the scoff wiil in tyrn to strength.

I have been weak and I am weaker than ever right now and it is time now to become forged yet stronger, and through the black holes throat I am indeed forge harder than ever, anointed, annealed.

I'm unsure how much more I can take, but God, Source, right, etc that means all inclusive in this case, knows precisely what I was designed for and it was greatness because it has been nothing but greatness observed and shared and that must persist a dream free to all.

as a pacemaker have I often wonder will there soon be something that will make my emotions even-keeled... Something I've never even come close to knowing, three trauma, three tragedy, through pain ... Through my own design, my DNA.

Write or Shoot ~ Cyborg∆Steve

If I don't start writing, I'm going to eat my shotgun.

I wonder how many times that thought entered somebody's mind followed by a trigger pull?

Offer the pressure the daily gradual release so hound, literal art, instead of the outburst of anger followed by exasperation and rational thought... if at all fortunate to be alive.

The Coming Flood, Soon ~ Cyborg∆Steve

Ever cry for hours ? ...hard to believe, but the Great Flood is very personal. Prepare yourself daily, a discipline, let's better ourselves as individuals so better another we may offer help up and onwards to ALL. I'm not ready but I've tried to ready myself. The consequence is mine, and I accept that on my journey. I'll be here by myself, awhile now, I believe. I'm going to become very inaccessible soon. My energy wanes greatly and must be conserved for the great calling of selflessness I'm totally unable and unprepared no matter what you endure.  

Microscopic Aliens ~∆~ Cyborg∆Steve

It's hilarious to me that we think that "aliens" would even be of the same scale.

Think of them as microscopic, and all over the freaking place!!!!!!

Invisible to us!!!

I bet they're all laughing hysterically 24/7 ;) 

Hahahaaaaaaaaaaa

A Nation Ready To Heal ~ Cyborg∆Steve

I'm so thankful to see that we are a nation ready to heal... you have to realize you have been ill for that to take place and that's not always easy. It's a tough road back to prosperity and prosperity will be better than we have ever known and treating each other properly where each and every one of us should have dignity. I know absolutely beautiful souls everywhere of all walks of life in the one thing I must say is that we all must be kinder to another and learn how to communicate and treat each other with dignity and respect. I promise you, you usually are treated as you offer in general and on average in life so step backwards and look at yourself now. You don't like the way you're treated the only common denominator is yourself. I have always only healed with help of others, but never when I'm fighting against them or pushing them away and only until these realizations exact I relinquish my very very tight grip upon everything I think I am in control of, which indeed truthfully is actually the opposite which is absolutely nothing. 

Take Care of Yourself, Help Others Up ~ Cyborg∆Steve

Poor health in general will manifest in poor mental health and sometimes we don't even know others are not well but we see signs such as a comment I made to a friend...

Looking at different attributes...

Jaded / Bitter , actually goes with poor health...but most think... yes, somebody owes them something. It's tragically sad how the mental health deficit manifests ;(  

So, on that train of thought what's a good attribute that you can think of that fits this poor bill of health?

I'm not picking on anybody I'm a survivor of many difficult health problems and I would like to help others to be able to get back up here and enjoy life again and I'm hoping we can spot those that need help and be more tactful about how we get them that help.

Most often if you just tell them hello and how are you and then lend your ear quietly and for a reasonable amount of time not unlimited you don't need to be a doormat okay, well usually that's enough for most people in the total health just to know somebody gave a damn enough to think about them.

That goes an incredibly long way because most people are not individually strong self-willed, and just cannot survive in pet vacuum of No Love.

If you're feeling better or jaded and you think the world owes you a lot think about your own Health first and take care of yourself because that's the most important thing and then watch how the rest of everything else realigns itself and proves to you yourself your biggest enemy often.

Don't give up before the miracles take place though and don't ever give up on yourself. most people will help you down that terrible and tragic road and a lot of people seemingly want you to fail too... stay the farthest away from them but Point help in their direction and pray for them means that you carry Goodwill and good intent for them instead of ill-will so what do you want in your backpack a bunch of hatred or a bunch of Hope because when you don't pray for others that's really your choice so call it what you will get hung up on a word whatever if you don't get the message... 

When everybody knows everything nobody listens to anything ;( 

The all of society is ill.

The Awakening is painful.

Facebook Page Shitters ~ Cyborg∆Steve

You know your friends that s*** all over yours and everybody else's pages on Facebook and the internet in general ??? ... Okay,... can you picture them now in your mind's eye ??? ... Everybody else sees them now too... pinching a loaf on your Facebook welcome mat. 

I've invited many of them with really stupid comments on purpose... just like putting a litter box by my front door. it's fun to watch the litter box from a distance.

It's the day and age where we all know exactly who everybody else is.

Knock, knock.

Who's there ???

Who's there who?

Exactly... you never hear anything at all, especially the louder the warning.

I understand you can't think of anyone else before yourself. We all understand it. Hope things work out better in your next life !!! Cycles baby!!! Stay positive ;) ...your turns coming up soon !!!