Doubters ??? ~ A Short Story of Real Events

Doubters ?

Strangely, no opiates, as I take precisely as prescribed (max of 30 my p/d) but I think I was so ill (sinus infection too, severe 2 + weeks before my nearly ill fated tri-shit-fecta) that I didn't take any for a day or two before as my anxiety gets "jacked" on it too often.

Hoping to switch to hydrocodone or even kratom with permission. Lots to further consult about !

I'm set to transition now, kratom in hand, but only under permission.

I also have a ridiculously high metabolism, and my business is my business in the sense of my health, however no THC is admittedly odd !

I already spoke to my specialists super candidly, and THC and CBD alone should be of absolutely zero concern.

I use it for restorative restful sleep.

Recently, 3.5 months without was miserable and I also had no decent sleep in that time, but also this sinus infection that completely kicked my tail until my condition nosedived into I think a stroke (unsure still, a bit mentally fuzzy still too after concussion) then a heart attack where I coded dead !

I was revived (by the grace of many beautiful souls) and I am healing and getting slowly dialed back in.

Switched from oxy to hydrocodone, a massive difference upon my anxiety, of which I've twice or three times complained to my supervising specialists since I transitioned to it.

I am on 30% the amount of what I was once on as far as value, and that is comparative to stringer medications I needed until I solved an infection issue if which my doctor confirmed my wildly strange speculative but researched suggestion. Tests proofed me correct, and I was almost immediately able to cut my narcotics by first 10%, then again by a complete 2/3 or 67% !!!  Maintained this needed maintenance of severe spinal disease but with noted complaint of severe anxiety and
my return to cigarettes sadly after over 3 years of abstinence from any and all nicotine.

I'm on even less now after what just transpired.

I'm only utilizing of pure necessity, and I share so that the judgemental shall eat their words and better understand a fight I pray nobody ever has to wage over debilitating life stealing pain !!!

Anyone may and can think what you will, but the science is proof of my abstinence.

I'm imperfect but don't confuse that with insane, it's called "inpain" !!!

For anyone that doubts my over 10+ diseases, come see me and adventure with me through my files !

All disease genetics in my case or viral ! Not anything at all from any forms of abuse, very thankfully.

I could care less of another opinion if myself, and I share this to say, be good yo yourself and seek answers and the finest professionals.

If you are ever a patient at WMHS, sign up for the patient portal !!!

Praying to find solutions, many steps taken quickly as I heal at the speed of light, but paced and carefully asking please for your help in any way you see fit yo accommodate. Prayer is appreciated.

I desperately desire life, and I hope I have a bit left, as it's time to make music soon and hibernate in my new studio taking shape. Basic & sleek.

I want myself and my life like that new studio / media room, basic and sleek.

Time to part with many if my possessions.

I am unable to now arc weld for example (pacemaker/ defibrillator) and there are now many things I just may not attempt anymore, as I new today would gone, if I survived.

I've been thought a liar and called hideous hateful things by those that have never experienced the walk if my journey. May you, I pray never understand, but instead, be compassionate dammit !!!! Your evil words upon honestly deeply ill individuals kills more than anything !!!

When you judge and diagnose  others as an ignorant civilian and broadcast it out loud with hate, its sadly you that needs help.

Now will social security help me after two failed attempts and and one current open decision? It feels that they rather I die ! I love my country, but here in a particular regard see only needed reform, and a system that richens lawyers and kills clients!!!

If I cannot speak when I am gone, maybe again soon but permanently, well, I sure can now.

I'm begging for a demand on reform of social security disability !!!

I was even asked to lie by my last attorney at my video conference case review / determination in front of the video administrative law judge. I know why he asked me to lie, but I could not and will not.

He asked me so we could win dirty, instead of him working hard to present my clear and convincing case ! Being humiliated is despicable when you've done nothing wrong ! I'm worn hard and eroded in my soul and health through these continuous battles.

Beyond losing my life regained, but still remaining on this cusp, I will fight until I've not only win, but been a catalyst to that reform.

I've been robbed of my work credits and countless years of better care, yet still I will fight, properly only with honor.

The other cusp I'm sitting upon today is losing everything else I have, and in working hard to right that ship too, but it may be too late, and then what ?

I'll be under a bridge with my dogs and a guitar and my bird and cats, because after all, that's what I deserve right ???

Do you want to know what tired is ???

I pray for reform with social security and I pray for help to maintain my home I'm so very close to losing forever.

I cannot drive for 6 months with my "new parts / pacemaker/ deffibulater, and so I'm unsure if I could live in my slide in camper on my truck and I've nowhere to Take My RV.

& I need to reduce stress.......

Shattering again after already being shattered, called names like liar and addict, mentally and physically abused and battered, diagnosed ridiculous diagnosis often incorrect when I spoke honest & direct, complaining of my heart since 1997, 65 pounds less fatter, diagnosed unusual weight loss ? For dieting and busting my butt hard to achieve, I'm tired of the consistent beat down, I'm in tatters (RS),  my mind left echoing in clatters, tatters, tatters.

Sunday August 12th I departed this place. a voice said within me if you want to live you have to fight, repeating what I had said to my friend very seriously 2 days before. I stated to him that there Comes a Day once in awhile in these lives where we're dead or closed and we have to make a decision and decide to fight if we want to live. two days later I laid dead on the floor in full Cardiac Arrest where I coded. As I was just only the voice of my thoughts, and no longer connected to the sensory input of my body, I was in a place of complete and utter Blackness and tranquility, again just my voice, and it was at that moment when I thought about I have to fight and say what do I do next to get back to that fight?, the only thing I next me it was to jump back into that broken and tired vessel dead on the floor.

I came back spewing spit out of my mouth spraying the beautiful men and/or women saving my life, as I do not know who they were yet and  although I cannot wait to meet them I must as I have a pace that my doctors have sent me a pace that I must maintain.

I was back in my body and I need that I must take every ounce of energy I could muster and somehow push everything out of my lungs all at once, and of course that was probably due to the assistance from the outside and afterwards I inhaled the biggest breast I have ever taken in my life and I knew that I was back but I screamed bloody murder and curse those people that had me pinned down as I completely freaked out not remembering what really happened in reality.

I think that quickly passed but I'm quite unsure, although the pain was unbelievable and it was everywhere and a lot of it Still Remains, and I remain in a habitat in this broken vessel still, because I'm not done. I am very most certainly not implying that that was entirely my decision, but I certainly had a factor in the overall formula without a doubt. if I had seen a rainbow I had in my mother and the Beautiful light there's no way I would have ever come back, but in the darkness as I existed only a voice and I was worried about my dogs and said desperately love life I didn't care what it took and if I would be paralyzed as I thought, I do have back in from the black abyss and with the help of the medical professionals was home in 5 days.

My doctor told me I was an absolutely incredible patient !!! 3 times in a row !!!  he knows my fight is real and he knows that I am a great fighter and Lee's regards and that something makes me want to stick around.

For 5 days I had very intense Around the Clock care, it catheterization, and surgery to install a pacemaker and defibrillator and went from Dead on Arrival to home.

I am who I am, plain and simple.

the miracle workers are the wonderful beautiful professionals at the Western Maryland Health System which I just cannot thank you enough but trust me I will be working very hard on that task and I will be working hard to design a fundraiser for the Cardiology department at ever beautiful local hospital.

It's our choice if we want bitterness to kill us, or if we want to funnel the negativity into a machine of positivity, where outcomes May last longer than our lives so that we may help others not have to suffer the shortcoming of systems that fails many of us.

I have never ever been treated with such loving care and cared about so well as an individual until I died and was resuscitated and was dealt with by a conceit well-informed coordinated team that was completely aware of my multiple multiple diseased condition.  I have never ever had more respect for any medical care in my life, and I mean not even close.

On another project I am working on with a Maryland Delegate, of which I have the utmost respect, I am supposed to testify so that we can introduce our coordinated work as a bill asking our state / federal government for greater funding for our State's Attorney's office, and I'm not ready to depart this place until I'm Victorious and certain areas that I feel called too. Our state Governor has declared a state of emergency concerning opioids in Maryland, and we must smash this "culture of crime" here locally in Cumberland, and statistically we have fewer attorneys in the State's Attorney's office to prosecute the criminals than in any other County in all of Maryland.

I don't know what will be forthcoming, but I know I'm going to be working hard so that I can make it long enough to accomplish these dreams set before me.

If victory costs me my life but spares others, then it is a victory worth fighting for.

It's certainly a far sweeter victory if I'm able to survive.

In my city, the Battleground is all around us in there is not a single family that goes unaffected.

Soon, however, afterwards, deeply desire to have a cabin in the woods where I can rest, write, and study, and all in solitude, until my ultimate humbling departure.

Li did mix two issues to a degree but they intermingle and they are each a part of my life and a part of my college studies and part of my deep desire to be of Public Service in some way shape or form so that I can contribute more than what I have taken, which I feel is it that I may never be able to repay at this point.

I have multiple bridges in front of me I'm going to be blindly crossing soon and I don't even know what kind of help I am asking for but I know I need all the help I can get even if it's just a prayer.

All I pray for is God's Will and the power to carry that out, and I pray for grace and the acceptance of all outcomes, that I may move forward  only once Justice is served... Peace, Love, & Understanding !!!

My drug test fixture to be attached soon, as blogger keeps failing as I try to upload it and will not publish it with that content. That will be uploaded from my computer and resolved within a day or two. The drug test confirm zero drugs in my system, thus the title Doubters???

Doubters ??? ~ A Short Story of Real Events

Doubters ?

Strangely, no opiates, as I take precisely as prescribed (max of 30 my p/d) but I think I was so ill (sinus infection too, severe 2 + weeks before my nearly ill fated tri-shit-fecta) that I didn't take any for a day or two before as my anxiety gets "jacked" on it too often.

Hoping to switch to hydrocodone or even kratom with permission. Lots to further consult about !

I'm set to transition now, kratom in hand, but only under permission.

I also have a ridiculously high metabolism, and my business is my business in the sense of my health, however no THC is admittedly odd !

I already spoke to my specialists super candidly, and THC and CBD alone should be of absolutely zero concern.

I use it for restorative restful sleep.

Recently, 3.5 months without was miserable and I also had no decent sleep in that time, but also this sinus infection that completely kicked my tail until my condition nosedived into I think a stroke (unsure still, a bit mentally fuzzy still too after concussion) then a heart attack where I coded dead !

I was revived (by the grace of many beautiful souls) and I am healing and getting slowly dialed back in.

Switched from oxy to hydrocodone, a massive difference upon my anxiety, of which I've twice or three times complained to my supervising specialists since I transitioned to it.

I am on 30% the amount of what I was once on as far as value, and that is comparative to stringer medications I needed until I solved an infection issue if which my doctor confirmed my wildly strange speculative but researched suggestion. Tests proofed me correct, and I was almost immediately able to cut my narcotics by first 10%, then again by a complete 2/3 or 67% !!!  Maintained this needed maintenance of severe spinal disease but with noted complaint of severe anxiety and
my return to cigarettes sadly after over 3 years of abstinence from any and all nicotine.

I'm on even less now after what just transpired.

I'm only utilizing of pure necessity, and I share so that the judgemental shall eat their words and better understand a fight I pray nobody ever has to wage over debilitating life stealing pain !!!

Anyone may and can think what you will, but the science is proof of my abstinence.

I'm imperfect but don't confuse that with insane, it's called "inpain" !!!

For anyone that doubts my over 10+ diseases, come see me and adventure with me through my files !

All disease genetics in my case or viral ! Not anything at all from any forms of abuse, very thankfully.

I could care less of another opinion if myself, and I share this to say, be good yo yourself and seek answers and the finest professionals.

If you are ever a patient at WMHS, sign up for the patient portal !!!

Praying to find solutions, many steps taken quickly as I heal at the speed of light, but paced and carefully asking please for your help in any way you see fit yo accommodate. Prayer is appreciated.

I desperately desire life, and I hope I have a bit left, as it's time to make music soon and hibernate in my new studio taking shape. Basic & sleek.

I want myself and my life like that new studio / media room, basic and sleek.

Time to part with many if my possessions.

I am unable to now arc weld for example (pacemaker/ defibrillator) and there are now many things I just may not attempt anymore, as I new today would gone, if I survived.

I've been thought a liar and called hideous hateful things by those that have never experienced the walk if my journey. May you, I pray never understand, but instead, be compassionate dammit !!!! Your evil words upon honestly deeply ill individuals kills more than anything !!!

When you judge and diagnose  others as an ignorant civilian and broadcast it out loud with hate, its sadly you that needs help.

Now will social security help me after two failed attempts and and one current open decision? It feels that they rather I die ! I love my country, but here in a particular regard see only needed reform, and a system that richens lawyers and kills clients!!!

If I cannot speak when I am gone, maybe again soon but permanently, well, I sure can now.

I'm begging for a demand on reform of social security disability !!!

I was even asked to lie by my last attorney at my video conference case review / determination in front of the video administrative law judge. I know why he asked me to lie, but I could not and will not.

He asked me so we could win dirty, instead of him working hard to present my clear and convincing case ! Being humiliated is despicable when you've done nothing wrong ! I'm worn hard and eroded in my soul and health through these continuous battles.

Beyond losing my life regained, but still remaining on this cusp, I will fight until I've not only win, but been a catalyst to that reform.

I've been robbed of my work credits and countless years of better care, yet still I will fight, properly only with honor.

The other cusp I'm sitting upon today is losing everything else I have, and in working hard to right that ship too, but it may be too late, and then what ?

I'll be under a bridge with my dogs and a guitar and my bird and cats, because after all, that's what I deserve right ???

Do you want to know what tired is ???

I pray for reform with social security and I pray for help to maintain my home I'm so very close to losing forever.

I cannot drive for 6 months with my "new parts / pacemaker/ deffibulater, and so I'm unsure if I could live in my slide in camper on my truck and I've nowhere to Take My RV.

& I need to reduce stress.......

Shattering again after already being shattered, called names like liar and addict, mentally and physically abused and battered, diagnosed ridiculous diagnosis often incorrect when I spoke honest & direct, complaining of my heart since 1997, 65 pounds less fatter, diagnosed unusual weight loss ? For dieting and busting my butt hard to achieve, I'm tired of the consistent beat down, I'm in tatters (RS),  my mind left echoing in clatters, tatters, tatters.

Sunday August 12th I departed this place. a voice said within me if you want to live you have to fight, repeating what I had said to my friend very seriously 2 days before. I stated to him that there Comes a Day once in awhile in these lives where we're dead or closed and we have to make a decision and decide to fight if we want to live. two days later I laid dead on the floor in full Cardiac Arrest where I coded. As I was just only the voice of my thoughts, and no longer connected to the sensory input of my body, I was in a place of complete and utter Blackness and tranquility, again just my voice, and it was at that moment when I thought about I have to fight and say what do I do next to get back to that fight?, the only thing I next me it was to jump back into that broken and tired vessel dead on the floor.

I came back spewing spit out of my mouth spraying the beautiful men and/or women saving my life, as I do not know who they were yet and  although I cannot wait to meet them I must as I have a pace that my doctors have sent me a pace that I must maintain.

I was back in my body and I need that I must take every ounce of energy I could muster and somehow push everything out of my lungs all at once, and of course that was probably due to the assistance from the outside and afterwards I inhaled the biggest breast I have ever taken in my life and I knew that I was back but I screamed bloody murder and curse those people that had me pinned down as I completely freaked out not remembering what really happened in reality.

I think that quickly passed but I'm quite unsure, although the pain was unbelievable and it was everywhere and a lot of it Still Remains, and I remain in a habitat in this broken vessel still, because I'm not done. I am very most certainly not implying that that was entirely my decision, but I certainly had a factor in the overall formula without a doubt. if I had seen a rainbow I had in my mother and the Beautiful light there's no way I would have ever come back, but in the darkness as I existed only a voice and I was worried about my dogs and said desperately love life I didn't care what it took and if I would be paralyzed as I thought, I do have back in from the black abyss and with the help of the medical professionals was home in 5 days.

My doctor told me I was an absolutely incredible patient !!! 3 times in a row !!!  he knows my fight is real and he knows that I am a great fighter and Lee's regards and that something makes me want to stick around.

For 5 days I had very intense Around the Clock care, it catheterization, and surgery to install a pacemaker and defibrillator and went from Dead on Arrival to home.

I am who I am, plain and simple.

the miracle workers are the wonderful beautiful professionals at the Western Maryland Health System which I just cannot thank you enough but trust me I will be working very hard on that task and I will be working hard to design a fundraiser for the Cardiology department at ever beautiful local hospital.

It's our choice if we want bitterness to kill us, or if we want to funnel the negativity into a machine of positivity, where outcomes May last longer than our lives so that we may help others not have to suffer the shortcoming of systems that fails many of us.

I have never ever been treated with such loving care and cared about so well as an individual until I died and was resuscitated and was dealt with by a conceit well-informed coordinated team that was completely aware of my multiple multiple diseased condition.  I have never ever had more respect for any medical care in my life, and I mean not even close.

On another project I am working on with a Maryland Delegate, of which I have the utmost respect, I am supposed to testify so that we can introduce our coordinated work as a bill asking our state / federal government for greater funding for our State's Attorney's office, and I'm not ready to depart this place until I'm Victorious and certain areas that I feel called too. Our state Governor has declared a state of emergency concerning opioids in Maryland, and we must smash this "culture of crime" here locally in Cumberland, and statistically we have fewer attorneys in the State's Attorney's office to prosecute the criminals than in any other County in all of Maryland.

I don't know what will be forthcoming, but I know I'm going to be working hard so that I can make it long enough to accomplish these dreams set before me.

If victory costs me my life but spares others, then it is a victory worth fighting for.

It's certainly a far sweeter victory if I'm able to survive.

In my city, the Battleground is all around us in there is not a single family that goes unaffected.

Soon, however, afterwards, deeply desire to have a cabin in the woods where I can rest, write, and study, and all in solitude, until my ultimate humbling departure.

Li did mix two issues to a degree but they intermingle and they are each a part of my life and a part of my college studies and part of my deep desire to be of Public Service in some way shape or form so that I can contribute more than what I have taken, which I feel is it that I may never be able to repay at this point.

I have multiple bridges in front of me I'm going to be blindly crossing soon and I don't even know what kind of help I am asking for but I know I need all the help I can get even if it's just a prayer.

All I pray for is God's Will and the power to carry that out, and I pray for grace and the acceptance of all outcomes, that I may move forward  only once Justice is served... Peace, Love, & Understanding !!!

Waiting On You ~ Poetry / Lyric ~ Mobius∆Tripz

If it was as the blackest of blinding nights after night,
I'd be night after knightly night,
protecting and serving you,
waiting on you.

If a hurricane category 5 was headed our way,
I'd keep you and the children safe,
even if I knew it was going to take my life,
because I adore you and always want to spend my life loving and serving and,
waiting on you.

There seems not much that I can't do,
but still only when I'm waiting on you,
and until that time comes to pass,
I'm waiting on you.

It's kind of made me a patient man,
and even more than I can seem to understand,
I feel this yearning followed by calmness in my heart and soul,
stronger than I've ever known,
waiting on you.

There is nothing more that I have ever desired,
You're close body warming,
a heart desires fire,
Yet so distant and far away as another galaxy it seems,
but close always in my mind and I'm,
lucky together when our stars as always realign,
waiting on you.

I may just spend the rest of my life waiting on you,
I'd be your man,
you my wife,
I may just spend the rest of my life waiting on you,
read the same exact words different meanings twice,
waiting on you.

I'm learning to be the man I've always wanted to be because you are who you are,
you tempt me but never give in to "hard to get",
and yes... I'm just as stubborn as you,
Independent cardinals in flight,
Hard to each tame,
Independent, stubborn free thinking, individuals seeking and self motivated,
Earth & Fire,
I'm you grounding guide,
You're my flame of longer love and life,
compliments of another's' desires,
coming attraction,
waiting on you.

Perhaps its all just in this other universe within my mind,
when we are close they are the best of my life's entire times,
please don't be scared and once ready,
let me in,
until your ready I'm better becoming your man,
waiting on you.

I'm praying to the seasons of our growing admiration and love,
I'm adoring the heavens for you just to be a part of my life,
time is always short never long enough yet perfect too,
the most special gift in my life I feel is simply,
today and after "I Do",
waiting on you.

As above,
And so below,
our stars forever crossed projected,
Earth below our Eden,
our together shared earthly light show rainbow,
I'm always ready for when you're ready, and until then my lady,
I'm in patience,
waiting on you,
to be,
waiting on you.

I would always adore you,
I would adore serving you,
I adore waiting for you until then,
I'm always your greatest best friend,
and I cannot wait to be,
waiting on you,
waiting on you,
I'm waiting on you,
waiting on you,
because I love you,
and all that you are,
waiting on you.

Scientist Or Artists ??? A Hypothetical Question Mind Exercise

This is a difficult question/choice, and it is posed as a choice that you have to make between these two examples...

Sometimes in history, we as a society in general, value certain things or types of professions, etc. more over comparative (seemingly) others.

Paradigms shift and apple carts are over turned in fast motion. It's a damn turbulent world we are lucky to experience in relative slow motion galactically or universally (statistically speaking anyways) wise.

What was valued yesterday is worthless tomorrow, and so the dichotomy of life is displayed yet again, in example after non-stop example.

Sometimes the best choice is to make NO decision at all. However, here in this thread, you exercise the mind and make a choice as offered below, because this exists in this space, it's own little hypothetical universe, where we can communicate and learn what another thinks and reasons and more quickly assimilate knowledge and wisdom perhaps, at far younger and younger ages, to our collective and even individual greater benefit, statistically speaking, in the short and long term each.

Can we raise IQ? Can we raise educational knowledge more quickly and common knowledge in general at younger ages, if so challenged? Can we raise reasoning and logic? Can we learn and challenge ourselves for lifetimes and stop thinking about education as #'s & degrees? Can we each be realized and recognized exactly as we are more so, or do we accept happily the standards in place today???

Paradigms shift.

We have the tools today to accomplish great individual and societal gains, but enough purposeful distraction and splintering through divisiveness, that conquer & divide persists... and so even with so much momentum to push all envelopes that should be pushed, the mechanism to efficient change and production and balance, self sufficiency as a principle to seek and practice both, personally and professionally, seems to bind up and lose its effectiveness where greatness could have been gained yesterday already, and tomorrow looking even more promising already.

Would a non profit medical plan around the world, for world health care, and fair practice and the finest standards, instantly shift a paradigm so can't thought so long indestructible ?

Do we as human being hold on desperately to "comfortable" that we just look advancement today in the face and put it off with no gain ???

Are we so arrogant today ?

The philosopher says this, the painter that, and the engineer another while the lawyer argues this, and the doctor diagnoses that.

So now that your gears are turning, I turn to a relatively simple question.

...but don't forget about everything above, it a frame of sorts for you to intellectually engage with.

Simply pick one or the other ONLY, and state why in one to a million words.

Who (collectively) are the greatest geniuses today and why, scientists or artists?

Cruising Through Spaces ~ Poetry/Lyric ~ Mobius∆Tripz

Why do we revisit old familiar places?

Why do we long for not for long seen friendly faces?

Where will you spend your limited time in most splendid places?

Find those times today cruising through spaces.

Leave past ills long out of sight losing traces,
amending what's so wronged,
this web carefully we should weave all interlaces,
forward swiftly without unfounded fears it's amazing how the Light Graces,
this life is so beautiful we share together and each of you beautiful and perfect as you are never-ceasing amazes.

Why do we revisit old familiar places?

Why do we long for not for long seen friendly faces?

Where will you spend your limited time in most splendid places?

Find those times today cruising through spaces.

Amazed At the Amount of Life This Place Takes ~ Lyric / Poetry ~ Mobius∆Tripz

Introduction

1

Not much left to hold on for like a leaf in the wind holding on for another stay,
time spinning faster by it sure seems each day,
I'm looking rearward ever further faster while yearning for my past youthful days,
when we all had time for one another and life had such a better pace.

I felt like once I belonged to these people and this place,
Something left and said goodbye fast and beyond memory left no trace,
tears faster too will most certainly from my eyes run back again down fast my face.

Chorus 1:

I'm amazed at the amount of life this place takes.

Amazed at the amount of life this place takes!

Amazed at the amount of life this place takes!

2

Sometimes by circumstance, its a fact you're around nothing but snakes,
Liars, thieves, hypocrites, and fakes,
It's too easy to quicky start changing your own ways,
Talking different and doing things like never before, whatever it takes.

Whatever what takes?,
It will take your everything and them afterwards, will end your stay,
People act blind to this fact of life,
Yet it surrounds us all everywhere today.

3

We are under a chemical assault its an economic paradigm mainstay,
Anyway, we must smash that paradigm, any way !!!
Your neighbors are dropping left and right all actors on stage of a really scary social play.

Chemical roulette, could this be your own very day???,
The Dr. Said here try this homie, I hope you'll be okay, patted me on the shoulder as I limped away,
I'm dying & I'm suffering while Doctor rolled out in a Porsche of which my illness helped pay it's way !!!

4

This is reality today.

Amazed at the amount of life this place takes!

Amazed at the amount of life this place takes!

The old dying faster without an advocate, nothing to say,
and we each move only closer more quickly towards that door.

Amazed at the amount of life this place takes!

Solo

Chorus 2 (CHANT) (fade in/fade out)

Amazed at the amount of life this place takes!

Amazed at the amount of life this place takes!

Amazed at the amount of life this place takes!

Chorus 2 Repeat

Amazed at the amount of life this place takes!

Amazed at the amount of life this place takes!

Amazed at the amount of life this place takes!

Solo

5

Treated like shit, passed over, old, ill, and forgotten when I've got nothing yo offer others to me seen to life their way,
I'm looking rearward ever further faster in yearning for past youthful days,
when we all had time for one another and life had such a better pace,

I felt like once I belonged to these people and this place,
Something left and said goodbye fast and beyond memory left no trace,
tears faster too will most certainly from my eyes run back again down my face.

Chorus 1 Repeat

I'm amazed at the amount of life this place takes.

Amazed at the amount of life this place takes!

Amazed at the amount of life this place takes!

Chorus 2 (REPEAT) (CHANT) (fade in/fade out)

Amazed at the amount of life this place takes!

Amazed at the amount of life this place takes!

Amazed at the amount of life this place takes!

Big Fish, Introspectice Fishilosophy ~ Life from the mind of a fish ~ Fictional Short Story

Swim in the water with the big fish or alone in peace and serenity, away from such turbulence ?

What's a big fish, and what real difference does it matter in reality ?

Are there more big fish, "wannabe" big fish, or happy compliant guppies keeping their respective place in line ?

"Which one Am I ?", says me, to myself.

I'm not always sure, but I know I've got to keep this body in action through the resistance, or with lives current, and not fighting the tide, the ebb the flow, ... just hope to see another brilliant subset perfectly reflecting above me upon the water,  after a day of productivity, friendship, and offering away more than I took for myself, after a morning spent swimming away in the glory of Light.

It seems to look outside if the self, and the species... All life gets larger or smaller and with obvious instinctual intuition making this quantitative recognition in an instant once so thought.

There most certainly are big fish, around us guppies, and there is mist something definitely living both smaller and larger by far than myself and my kind.

I bet all non fish appreciate their journey too, if they think... I guess.

I wonder, do other things living think with a conscience? An inner voice, almost like a built in guide?

I smell dinner and its time to visit the big fish at the fish shindig. We ate learning survival and preparation tactics and how to survive with purpose, civility, and determination to strive and support balance as where we are such trusted stewards.

This cooler deeper water feels great washing my body on my way in my vessel to the "Root Cliff Rock Annual Social". I feel refreshed, renewed, and so alive and swim with strength headward into this current with such enjoyable ease.

School was fantastic today, and I am so happy as a fish to know that every day is a day to learn and appreciate. I also truly enjoy the social aspects when we are at school and there's no doubt I definitely appreciate my alone time as well, and the family in between is always the greatest blessing.

After dinner we have a get-together of all of the participants and we sit around in a circle, at the circle of rocks just below our special place in the river, back in this Cove, and we each tell of what it is we believe today is and what tomorrow is and what life is, and we grow closer together as we each deeply appreciate the other Eternal and infinite universe of the Soul.

I've heard there are other species that fight amongst themselves over their beliefs, and I find it so sad that any other species would think that they had actually evolved to appoint as such, as without a doubt that has to be classified as devolving.

Things sure have changed in the river, and it's the same species that just seems to only really care about what they can have for the moment and when they just hard whatever's left from that process, they don't seem too much think about where it's going and what it's doing, and most importantly naively to themselves, that they're going to consume this again, just like they have poisoned us.

The dinner is a great social time because we all get to talk about that which we can't control and that which we pray about that which we believe in, and we do find the internet Eternal Universe within absolutely fascinating and that we are able to communicate amongst one another at all through magnetic energy is quite something. We don't just communicate with it, and the amazing thing is the wavelength that we use is really almost undetectable but what that other species thinks is their most modern of Technology. I understand they want to blend some of that technology into life somehow, which they called transhumanism. I read a lot because I find a lot of newspapers in the river, and if you catch them just in time over near the dump at the edge of the clean water and the dirty water you can read them before they deteriorate.

The ones I found what they call a smartphone made by Apple and it was still working under the water. I was able to press against it with my forehead and my nose and my lips and it would make what looks like different pictures from above. I can't really explain it, but I promise you it's the truth and I can bring you to where it happened and if the device is still there show it to you. You wouldn't believe the things that are down here. I've never known another fish to leave something behind that they made. We take what the river and tributaries provide and we leave behind nothing except that which will be quickly reprocessed so that it would be beneficial elsewhere.

We do occasionally eat other fish I have to admit, so it's definitely not a perfect world, and this cycle is hard to describe as anything but pleasant when you know what the immediate reality coming is going to bring, which is a humbling to anything that seems to live.

If the body dies does the spirit go on?

Will I one day be that species that doesn't care, or am I in some way that now?

Tonight at our annual dinner and after, I am looking forward to the answer of the collective and the greater Vision that will bring us towards tomorrow as at least we can do the best to our ability as a team, lifting one another and sharing the Bounty of the river, and being fair and good to one another.

I still hate the idea that we eat one another sometimes. Sometimes the big fish I mean, and show the good Big Fish try to teach us how to be prepared at all times. I always return to these places in my mind because they kind of haunt you when you're alive and you appreciate life. You don't want to be like that yourself either, as you know the real provides great bounty in a plethora of ways that should make that.

Swedish Fish seem to have almost this perfect balance in this perfect world except for a couple of really difficult problems that persist and just seem to be a part of some of us. It's really difficult to live around that, but we can't rest on our laurels in that environment and we have to keep our faith and work hard towards the proper end goals to safeguard ourselves.

We are seeking answers always and part of life seems to be the journey of which we just don't truly 100% no. It still has a great value this life, even more so, and so we hope to change our genetic makeup through the ability to share thought and decide to change that which we do not like and when we think this way we believe our Evolution relief us in a much more desirable light. We're not trying to achieve Perfection today, but we are trying to you and for that in the future, and we seem to see other species which seem to be in some sort of a free-fall or downfall and evolving as they seem to only care more and more for the self.

So much on my mind tonight as a guppy, that I just can't keep my mind from racing. I think I'm going to swim over to the treatment plan because I hear that if you breathe that water there you can calm down quite a bit. There's a lot of places I need to stay away on the way there too so I just need to keep that in the Forefront of my mind, and that is what being a guppy is really all about. Staying on your toes and learning the way so that you can become a big fish. There is no guarantee for that, that is for sure, and on my way to being that future Big Fish, I hope to do the best of my ability with each and every moment of my life that I breathe and that I may give back to my community and appreciate the realizations that we have all made together today and especially that the most valued gift is life and that no life should go ignored, Left Behind, or intentionally hurt, and that there is no excuse of any type to ever let that take place, by We, The Kings of Fishes.

That is our proper name passed along over the eons of fish-evolution.

We strive to always be a fish that is learning at all times and each day only learning to appreciate life even more in the more and to recognize that the orange orb is that, which without a doubt, gives us Light / Life, and we have each are the children of that light. We the Kings of Fish, The Children of Light.

After we all commune in communication, which really looks as though we are resting, a few of us will go to our favorite part of the river to see the glare above.

We hope to make it just as the orange orb Slips Away and the white and yellow orbs begin to twinkle. We have studied these patterns for eons and we have a deep fascination of that which seems infinite on the outside, just the same as each of us sharing life has an infinite Universe Within.

I'm sure you can tell I am excited, and so is our entire school and extended families. This is always the most incredible time of the year and this is the same day that the orange orb seems to be on fire the longest. We have seen lightning at the water's edge which brings fire, and we believe that this is gas similar to methane we have in the river, that is burning, but a much different gas that I have read in the newspaper is hydrogen. I still can't believe I figured out English.

What's more fascinating is this technology just like the smart thing when I was a guppy, that I know you used to write my blog and to communicate the thoughts that race through my mind while I am on this Journey and how incredible it is to find out that what we call species each have the similar types of thoughts and philosophies Within, and it has been through genetics and magnetics that we have been able to finally communicate across all forms of life.

We actually don't eat fish anymore. We did it evolve past that but I didn't want to say that early on, as I thought it might be too much to digest in the mind.

It is amazing truly how much a species can change if they just share the desire to do so. It is amazing how much better everybody starts to do when we try to live a principled life of balance, and whatever you want to believe within is totally up to you. The simplest of rules is try to offer more than you take in all regards. It's not a perfect life but when we all do that the greater balance in the end is to all each our favor. The greater good for the future of Life remains in that balance as well in all regards.

What is is what it is, what will be is what will be, and what has been has been, however today is the present moment, right now, and it is right now that I embrace and accept my tree reality and that I will work hard to shine in those regards just as the orbs I see repeatedly after the orange orb disappears, and these clear and yellow ones seem to Sparkle above and sometimes and the same shapes I do see, seemingly speaking to me from somewhere else far away it feels.

Well I know I sure have thrown a lot at you while I'm swimming Along on my adventure this evening but these were the thoughts that you're stood through my mind that I thought I would share, and I hope this only fine eyes that do care, eyes that love life and share, eyes that behind is only filled with deep thought up halls of Light to the Orange Orb, through space-time, this liquid universe of differing life & densities, but a humbling shared destiny. Eternal Peace shall be victorious, perfect innocence and no chaos. Perfect balance restored. Q in Mathematics I read recently, is the mathematical equilibrium quotient. It's far deeper than that, but that's gives you an idea. You may have to swim around to find a newspaper that is up to date and have you can see the entire thing. Just kidding, it's amazing that these tablets down here, I think that's what they call them, are able to work on communicate with other species truly.

What is Q?

Or,

Who Is Q?

If we were able to restore balance, does that mean we could design a formula when we understand the factors that can be manipulated that are out of balance?

Does that mean perhaps we could control our destiny? Does that mean perhaps that we could even see what's coming before it arrives?

I told you I just can't stop thinking all these incredible thoughts and I'm looking forward to the feast on the longest day of the orb. Sometimes I just say butt word for short, after all, we all know it's orange.

All, always returns to the river, and some the river life does spring forth with the orange orb, and with the orange orb that life shall return again, to be reborn, another perfect Child of the Light.

We, The King of Fishes