I have not felt well for several days but I have been eating some incredible fresh raised beef and at least feeling like I'm going to regenerate in a son whatever has attacked me this time. This food is so incredible it is so Lean Like find venison and my stomach is so balanced I do not need or desire and omeprazole and so it is nice to have a break there. It's time to triple up on the water and chill out on the food for the next 3 or 4 days after I make this spicy chili.
When you're not well you can get fun and lost in the art of cooking and enjoy yourself and cook yourself the healthiest foods possible and study herbology while you're at it because you're never going to be upset that you learn too much about what you could forge right outside your front door and in your yard but always watch for nasty chemicals and pesticides you must be aware of what you're eating and even what's raining down upon it perhaps can't be paranoid but you can't be too safe either.
I'm thinking meat rabbits before long and living off the land and it's hard to know if meat rabbits is a cruel thing or an okay healthy thing. I love animals and I don't like the idea of hurting something that of course I grow fond of because I would not be able to help myself as in yesterday I helped a poor bird that my cat had gotten and that just happened by accident as I took the trash out in the kitty ran and left the bird in the street. I had to go get the bird. Should have just stayed inside.one of my best friends is a bird and her name is Anna and she is one of the finest gets I've ever had said of Court my heart was broken instantly. I knew there was this other little soul in there and I just decided I would let nature take its course and I went far from where the cat was and put it in the pear tree and went back inside because I can't worry myself with trying to change or save the world any longer.
I'm not giving up that's for sure but I'm just going to stop worrying about everybody else I don't have any hope for anybody else anymore not my job but you know what ??? Even ask for that experience I'm still who I am I guess in those regards.
the food in the stores is disgusting and doesn't last long and that's a shame when we should have the finest freshest foods available at the least expensive prices as we have picked out an efficiency and every way but instead we have this ridiculous amount of money that must be spent for nutrition and of course that hinders a nation because when you starve a nation out how can its people be productive? I have set forth in writing a program I've suggested elsewhere and it's about a new system that would offer less expensive food and the proof of this worth for the government to invest in would be a more productive society and we must demand this now and find the most efficient way to facilitate this mission while respecting the Constitution of the United States and its inalienable Bill of Rights and democracy in a capitalistic bureaucracy and yeah that's a mouthful and it gets pretty sophisticated and we can bisect and dissect it even more from there but that's the whole point of the devil being in the details such that we are stuck there and we'll never make progress out here.
oh well blah blah blah back to this documentary very interesting stuff good place to get lost also for a little while while I try to make the body mend.
I didn't know what happened the other day when I was out and I didn't remember until a day later but my neck started to hurt really bad and then while I was on my way home it went click and all of a sudden I started feeling normal again but it's set my central nervous system in a strange State of shock and anxiety and this is just some kind of reaction to nerve pain because it's that intense but thankfully as terribly painful as it was it wasn't piercing or stabbing it was just like God damn it that thing is broken and I'm never going to ever feel right again but after click it went away and it's because I have c4 and C5 still dislocated but I just pretend like they aren't in a guarded way if that makes sense. Denial can be a great tool but don't ever be cocky with a body that is wrecked. I have to stay super guarded and I have to do my push-ups and stay strong and agile and stretch a lot and pray a lot to be calm and centered and I've tried to be committed where I can but I just don't have the energy or the time to put forth yet like I really desire so desperately.
I'm more think about accepting that there will be a day where I could be a paraplegic or quadriplegic and then a whole new journey will begin and that would be okay too because watch me if that happens. I'll just make the best of it and it's okay to do that that might lie ahead. However what I'm thinking about and what I'm planning on and when I'm getting this body fit for his best possible is replacing these vertebrae with some nano structure carbon based graphene that is indestructible and then some wonderful new discs in between that are grown from stem cells something and we can even add my height back properly so that my body would be back to its natural alignment it would be very easy to replace what's there now and not look ahead and realize that what is there now is what's left from disintegration having lost 2.2 in in height and you look at me and tell me do I hunch?
I'm a good actor and such as I'm in severe pain all the time and it takes a lot of energy to keep my body upright and it wears me out like I took a good ass whipping when I get home and I crash out really really hard because I just got like a little work out just to go do something for a while but if that is what getting out and doing stuff once in a while means then that's okay because I just want to be a part of everything as much as I can and if you're out there a part of things think of everything I said in here because it is a lot and it's all important and it's about just trying to make the best decisions for yourself and those around you that promote life and don't overcomplicate anything beyond that. If you're involved with something that doesn't promote life you already know that just stop it you. If you need help get help that's always good thing to do and it's always nearby.
if you're one that's not suffering please wake up and realize the suffering around us isn't really such an individual's fault as much as it is a societal breakdown that has allowed some of the most hideous disregarding of human life we have ever seen in what is supposed to be the most moderate of society and we are each responsible for that failure and we should each feel absolutely miserable about the moral decay in the death from all the drugs that we see around us. There's great medicinal use with certain chemicals and they must be used guardedly of course and then there's just flat-out chemical attacks like the sentinel this is coming into the United States of America and you cannot argue that.
Well, you all bitching whine and complain like little children I'm trying to nurse my body back and appreciate life and I just see things different this time around after having been dead and reborn on August 12th of 2018 because that's how I kind of look at life now... how could I not?
sounds like some silly dream but it is really some beautiful dream and I'm just really thankful to be able to kind of surf this way of life still yet again with you all and that is the most incredible thing I never want to let go of and I always want to be a part of and even if it means just a voice here one day somehow like Stephen Hawking kind of that would be okay. it would be okay until it was time to take that next journey and that would be wonderful but only when it's time that time is not for Steve to determine.
