Destiny ~ A Cyborg's Journeys ~ Cyborg∆Steve

It was tough hearing two of my old golf buddies, half of our foursome of years ago, are in nursing homes. Damn ;(

I'm determined to fight with everything I've got to avoid that certain eventual definite transformation, and it hurts to hear this news still a few days later, however I must let it motivate me to work even harder at gaining the upper hand on my health at every single cost, or there will be nothing more... which, in time, I will too accept.

I love these guys, and although life went in different directions, my love never waned nor departed.

Mike and Robbie, I thank you for guiding me in a lost struggle of early manhood, helping me to find some footing and guiding me towards soaring to my own heights. I pray to are blessed and depart sooner than later that you may suffer little more, and hold a tee time for me and Rich.

Rich is 71, and he us still Rich!

I sat alone after talking to Rick for the first time in 22 years, I believe.  Unchanged and as active and lively as ever. He too was, and certainly still is and will be, another of my guides that's been completely instrumental too, as they, and it felt great to chit chat face to face at the picnic. It was light and heavy hearted all at once. It took my energy and made me in an instant shy.

I departed to a lone picnic table, isolated.

I sat there a while. I needed to. I cried and laughed and took pictures and watched everybody that I missed so long before my eyes again, and this time in my own back yard of youth too. A marriage of two pasts, oddly.

Now, a marriage of my futures finally emerging to reveal the greater gifts so offered on this journey.

My Father, who I just visited, will be 89 this Saturday, and the stars have aligned that he will visit me here at my home in Cumberland, and in so happy to say alongside my brother and his son, my nephew. I'm looking forward to these upcoming times. I barely made it to this place, and it's this community that saved me and let me get to share this extra gift, on top of the gift that life is surely already truly so verily is.

The Fraternal Order of Eagles brought me here. An organization whose motto is, "People Helping People". I knew this was home the first time I came in to the city, with my friend Robbie, also later confirmed as my cousin too!!! and again, my friend of two so mentioned above.

That first time driving into town I didn't hear a voice but, " i  heard a voice",  if you know what I mean and it said you are going to live here. It was only one block away from my house and of course I didn't own the house I live in and that I'm writing in at that time. The hospital that saved my life is right down the street now also and it wasn't there either.

My friends are suffering on their way out but they brought me to a place that saved my life. They were suffering in their own ways back then when we were best buddies and playing golf and working actively together in service and they would bring me to a better place at those times too.

I'm really tired of feeling so desperately helpless but at the same time I'm thankful you know through my own experience that the transformation that is coming is an incredible and exciting journey and nothing to fear but it's nothing to rush either ever.

I don't have all kinds of answers but I guess we all find a fitting end and of course it doesn't look that way from the perspective here but once you're over there on the other side you'll understand. Pain doesn't last forever and you will never know it again after this physical realms existence. You only know of it.

In my world online through Facebook I see two groups of friends where I grew up and where I am living today and that group is starting to overlap which is very fascinating and so are my artistic / musical friends. It's not just my life that's going in that direction because of me it's my life in general and everything around me that has a flow and we are all in a current headed towards the same Destiny and that is a beautiful thing to know because I have been surrounded by some of the most beautiful and inspiring people that I've ever even read about much less to know and to know that we are all going to get to know another makes me want to live for every second I can get. Never selfishly, into only selflessly.

I pray others will understand and appreciate the same type of sentiment and spirit, as when we are all able to appreciate life, we can continue to share it even longer together.

The facts today or that we have the largest retirement community in recorded history heading into retirement and we must let these people out with great amount of self pride remaining intact and with great love and caring and compassion. We must learn from this terrible time we suffer now as this narcotic epidemic or illicit chemical epidemic is Awash upon us, and the lessons here is that we need to stop forgetting about those in our community that are suffering and instead of shunning them we need to learn to embrace them and hold them even closer and safer and that might mean jail or prison and that might mean a mental institution and all of those things should mean another step closer to help and sharing Humanity that we would like to return that population to but we must isolate ourselves from when they remain an imminent and unpredictable threat, as we of an organized society that respect the Law and Order demand.

Where there's an infant without love there is a problem that is growing Roots deep.

Where there is not structure in any part of life, there's time that goes without production or usefulness or mindfulness or of good to the spirit.

The systems have evolved to the place they have today because hidden Society we have learned that thus far this is what bears the finest fruit for the majority and until there are more fruitful systems then we shall remain in this holding pattern of which today we are quickly emerging into a completely new era but many will not realize it until we are well into it.

We have now and Industrial Age where we don't even need to retool but we can design on Cad and maybe even have machine learning artificial intelligence design that can print parts or and Tire Machines and evolve a line of products through from conception flea market through use and the steps necessary 2 increase efficiency in marketability where quality should never be sacrificed. We should not waste raw materials making inferior products because that is time spent that should have been spent making more useful products that are long lasting. Consumer society today that makes everything disposable is wonderful for capitalism but it's terrible for Mother Earth and makes us poor stewards and we must re-evaluate the way we use our raw materials in our time so consumed so that we find a better balance and still maintain growth in the market places at even higher rates because we are going to facilitate even better ways. Every time I see a place for what others think of essay restriction, I think of an entirely new budding Marketplace and that is like fireworks for my brain that seems to conjure up stuff in its mind like a quantum computer on steroids. Full of more thought than one can imagine mostly in a lifetime my mind can Blast Off in a million different directions in an hour.

I know my friends are still inside, Robbie retiring as an estimator for a Sheet Metal Manufacturing company and Michael having retired after a professional career as an educator teaching mathematics. Two Men I have such great respect for his bodies must be failing, and I've only heard because I have not seen them as I only just found this out.

I think of Timothy Leary's book along with ROM Dass and one other colleague which I can't think of his name right now, and essentially it's a translation of the Tibetan Book of the Dead End of many of the lessons held within one of the most important things to carry away is that we must be good stewards not just to Mother Earth but we must absolutely Master being good stewards to helping our elders out easily. They need not suffer anymore any longer and I'm not saying that we should in their lives sooner as that should be fully up to them oh, but we must show them love and that is time spent with them. There is no substitute. Life doesn't always afford this for your own loved ones or it might really truly hurt you emotionally and affect your heart for real as I can attest to, however there are other loved ones of your friends and we all need each other and it not just takes a village to raise a child, but a village to say farewell also.

These jaunts to Washington DC and Alexandria, Virginia from Cumberland and back and forth really always make me think so deeply in so very much because I go from one polar opposite to the other and in only a span of 150 miles.

I'm very happy to see Cumberland finally coming into this Century instead of being left behind and almost completely forgotten in the past, however I'm unsure if by the time we catch up we won't be behind again because by the time we would be catching up to would be now, and now and the rest of the world might be 20 or 30 years that they get ahead and I hope you can understand where I'm coming from by this kind of comical but serious statement none the less. There is all kinds of vision, and foremost it's short or non-existent. You have long distance vision. Even fewer are really truly visionary. I pray mini Visionary leaders will step up here because Cumberland should be the green capital of the United States of America setting the example for what a small community is and should be and why it should remain that way and show how we can be self-supporting and also embracing of capitalism that is growing in our community where large corporations are investing heavily here right now as we upgrade and replace infrastructure at a pace unseen around here for ages. The state-of-the-art high school in the hospital or two huge draws to this area and why people want to move here now and you should come visit and stay at Rocky Gap Casinno & Resort, or one of our other new hotels like the Hampton Inn or the Marriott Downtown or pick from the boutique hotel that's coming in the future and some other planned hotels at the Rolling Mills business District, or check out even the local breweries that we have two of and more on the way it looks like... really just exciting things happening all around here like every Sheetz has been rebuilt and we have a beautiful Love's truck stop. An incredible Planet Fitness. I don't know why anybody would want to live anywhere else plus we don't have any traffic.

Ultimately, I'm just happy that family will be visiting and I didn't mean to make this about Cumberland but part of it is and it's a huge part and I'm just thankful that I trusted my intuition and came here even though it's always been a struggle for me health-wise. I was right where I was supposed to be and I'm still here because of that.

I'm thankful for my friends were somehow guiding me here because it's all just kind of strange coincidence but that's not how I see it I see that it's destiny. I've never questioned any of that I've always thought that that is just a part of the way it is supposed to be and I trust in that.

Coming Back Home ~ Cyborg∆Steve

630 pm arrived back in Cumberland.

Had rear tire on my truck separate. Fortunately, I had what was needed on hand and reoaired it myself until at the very end a very kind tow truck driver stopped to chit chat and help...one of those angels on the spot...i didn't ask for help and I was content to be safe and able bodied enough to help myself and happy to on such a perfect day weather wise. My race was the clock against the interior of the truck holding my digs, as it was 92+ outside.

I figured slow and methodical as safety must always be first. No rushing and poor nerves. I don't live like that anymore. I'm planned and effective and able and soon I'll safely pull onto the highway and be home.

This kind man dropped his vehicle off at the garage (which was closed the entire time u was there) and then insisted on bringing the truck over and running the compressor and pneumatic impact gun so I could tighten my lugs. I had only a 3/8" drive ratchet and socket that I removed them with and only a have but no handle, to which I improvised with an end wrench and small 1/4" rather like a perpendicular handle for leverage to change the wrench around, thus raiseng the small factory jack under the axel housing of the rear end where I crawled under. I was ready for a nap after 1000 tough rotations on mouth of my carpal tunnel hands as the sweat dripped down fast and I thought really truly, this sucks but look at me...no it doesn't...i don't need to even ca my road service. I'm faster than they'd get there. The rest was utilizing common sense and getting off the busy interstate safely first.

The tire tread flap that came off whacked my truck bed and bent up a corner a bit, but nothing serious that I can not easily adjust. All that mattered was I got off the interstate safe.

I had just thought how well these old tires served me in a pinch after having a tore slashed earlier this summer and changing the set. This was the good natch to the tire that got stabbed to death. My neighbor John had four tires slashed ;( I believe there may have been other victims but the newspaper was vague and I only found out by talking face to face with John.

The rest of the ride home was perfect and perfect uneventful as the sun slipped down towards the mountain in which soon to hide behind and tuck away into the coming night, which draws ever closer as I rest in my king size bed thankful to be at my other home in my heart always since the first day I visited it, Cumberland.

This place calms a rattled soul! I love DC, but after being bear the Pentagon on 911 and other various serious reasons of life situation and personal circumstance, I always knew that my retreat to Cumberland was just that. It was a retreat to readjust to a life I didn't understand.

I'd been truly victimized enough and also admittedly, not understanding how to properly ask for and receive help, abused myself for ages; my coping mechanism of choose, powerful nails into my coffin each and all, I drank like no body else can! I metamorphosize into this lush that can consume so much beer it looks my gut has turned camel, and I like the numbing annebriation that ports me far away from the insanity that plays over and over in my fuvking head... or use to...it diesnt so much anymore.

I'm no longer that me I use to be. Nobody understood that part of me and it's only on retrospect I see somehow my nerves and my heart an repeated traumatic life experiences and other disease somehow all combined left me past deaths door.

I had a drop dead heart attack amount other all very serious complications, and by miracles of the unknown and known both, medical science and the angels that practice this healing faith brought me back from over the edge of the most definite event horizon!

I had love I desired desperately back here in earth to share still and I prayed id be able to return and I left that possibility in faiths hands, and it was one hell of a tide I remember, strangely, vividly. In such ways nobody believes,  however perhaps if conditioned myself for the very event somehow, through silly needless annebriation after a friend was murdered especially, but because I was having a rather romantic affair with alcohol really too, and I must have indeed loved it, for i placed it first above all. I'm not that fucked up guy today, thankfully. I'm a newly born soul halfway through an exciting life...its weird being able to look back on a history, but knowing too as a soul, your different distinctly, evolved at long last. Evolving still however, and understanding life is a changing process and I accept that which will be that's beyond my control. In fact, I embrace the journey as only them can it reward the bountiful gifts that will shower upon thee.

I'm incredibly blessed to be able to observe and share again, as before, that which can ridiculously easily, and some of that ease too has slipped away, and where strengths once were abundant, I'm feeling more normal than I've ever known, but it's really just a calm.

The calm is new.

I'm unsure if it's the device and fact that I relish in being a cyborg, fixed, or that somehow the ecperience in it's totality somehow reset thresholds and possibilities on a multitude of levels both within my mind, and perhaps as a body as a medical patient perhaps, and I hope and pray, for and that others may somehow benefit.

You can survive often if you want to and believe in this possibility but you move forward onto the next realm is reassuring to, in a way I only knew before as my parents love, and it's even more incredible, however, it's not of this physical realm. It's completely all of the mental realm where we there are each present to anotger, all seeing, all knowing.

The manifestations of reality there are only that which we all see clearly and nothing more ever and nothing less.

I'm will g yo gurgle my certain destiny, to be able to come back and share more if this blessed gift of life I get to share still, so very thankfully, and likely, most would not believe this or other specify memories I've recorded if this mist remarkable journey through tragedy in health.

We've come a very long way and I pray that others may have their lives continued and we should all value life deeper and more and promote life upon our way.

I'm blessed to be with my fogs and home safe and I thank the good Samaritan that stopped and assisted the tail end of my tire change.

Small bless gs make the world a better place for everyone, and we can all make a difference wherever we are together.

I applied for re-enrollmebt yo the Fraternal Order of Eagles in Alexandria, Virginia while I visited, and I've been absent for 22 years from the current roll of members. It's time to get back to normalcy and life was pretty incredible back then. I attended the annual picnic Saturday (yesterday) and it was great to see a friend and meet a couple if new ones. My one friend gave me news tough to hear, so I then sat by myself for a bit and absorbed the news and then ate some early dinner at the picnic and headed out to mert my fatherer for a concert at the Alexandria Campus of NVCC, where we had a fantastic time together yesterday evening.

What another wonderful trip after the toughest year of my life. Everything from here forward is a blessing.

Serving Rome Within ~ Cyborg∆Steve

I was raised in the rich suburbs of Rome, while my Father, a military man, represented for the Cesar in his military conquests.

I hail from Alexandria, Virginia... a port city upon my beloved Potomac from which you could almost toss a stone to the worlds most powerful city, Washington, DC... modern Rome herself.

Are we different? Have we changed since then?

Dont we still have conquests and flex our muscles?

The truth is, there us a way evolved that serves the masses better, and that is our way, and it serves the ruling elite even more. I think that may never change. I've read if it, ive lived it, ive watched it verily from within. It's a lifestyle to admire and hate.

To serve one must be well in health and mind, and that is best served through maintenance if health through thevgnest foods, moderate regular exercise, and best health care.

It seems there is always a disportionatevamoubt f any population that suffers...suffers being the keyword.

We must facilitate a lack of suffering is less suffering as best possible, as more suffering only costs a larger amount of projected progress and the goal is to build better and better societies if more broadly better-learned people that may one day all prosper.

Have we nearly reached the ultimate goal?

Have we built a machine to provide us all and for us to be blessed yet? Work hard we must, for health, and still a physical demise and ending in time, but only to graduate to that next realm.

Here we refine thought through indelible experience and concrete reality, like school, or in that next realm, there will be only a presence of everyone. What we have there is inky what we agree too and nothing is physical. It manifests of only agreement, or it can not be.

See you there, in presence, you'll know...trust me.

Better think until then how your goods and money and greed and sin will not work there.

You'll be by the King of Kings, yet the Holy Ghost will know your presence perfectly, and still His surrounding you you'll doubt. Do you get it yet now?

Maybe when in Rome, stop doing as the Romans do.

Do as you would if you knew always God would bear witness of you, watching over you always.

Will you deny your lessons to your maker when that time comes to pass? Perfect memory and all knowledge each, the truth will be known to all.

Until then, serve Rome, and Rome Always Serve the Exalted God.

Getting Older & Moving Possessions Along

I'm nearly 52, and at Dad's house, belongings I couldvoavk into my truck and haul home still abound. I don't want to make a full exit, and in sure Dad, as mom didn't want me to either, so hmmm, odd but interesting things of my past to comfort me and keep my room comfortable. The space comfortable. We, an aging family fast, want a home that represents love and a happy nest, and no need for a full retreat anyhow, yet still, at my own age, possessions must be now quickly shed. I know now how ive done what I use to easily do. I don't have the same desires. I already know the easier way coming, and ive fought against it hardcore, even though many would think not perhaps. I've been a warrior against disease that will have me eventually, but never today, and thus far I have survived over odds for many days, it will only win one, again, eventually, not today.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

I have a lot in Pittsburgh.

What's the cheapest quickest way to excavate a driveway up from the street and onto the property so I can dump some crush and run gravel?

Maybe place an ad on Facebook & craigslist and try to contract it out?

Anybody know anyone interested possibly or that is themselves personally qualified, inbox me!

I'd probably be even more inclined to sell/trade the lot too if anyone wants a lot in the Spring Hill subdivision and right close to the stadiums downtown and the casinos. It's not much, but it will make a cool camp to park and overnight once a driveway is cut and electric and water hookups are added. Perfect to pull a camper or dock the RV at!

I've got to simplify and make useful all in my life, or give/do away with where it serves the best interests and therefore I'm flexible. It's next to at johns Lutheran church's cemetery, and I may approach them about possibly buying the property, or bequeathing it to them after I use it with a driveway as outlined, essentially, to enjoy tone in Pittsburgh without making a more permanent commitment, like the house that was once next door to the property that I own... now demolished and gone, I'd some it and kept only the land last time health kicked my ass and took everything.

So, generally speaking... I'm open-minded to ideas that either simplify life and/or make use of my possessions or otherwise I must depart with many things soon.

Hmmmmmmmm

If you read all that and your me... what would you do? I enjoy the idea that I can skip from Cumberland west to Pittsburg @125 miles, or east to Baltimore at 125 or southeast to Alexandria (DC) @150 miles and be able to comfortably nest a couple of days. That's been the dream anyway, but no connection to Baltimore any longer.

I want to explore and enjoy the arts while I skip from city to city, from my home city cradled in the mountains that are Cumberland, while learning more about what works and what doesn't concerning populations of people.

I cannot help but be fascinated but still want to be able to hero my distance, like an animal that has from people, I must be able to escape to the primal reality that is the woods so I can commune in spirit, or I feel disconnected to my higher power. The mountains speak volumes loud and clear to me, the cities too often tragic tales and terribly difficult lessons. It simply challenges of humanity concentrated at high numbers and more easily able to observe that which is fruitful and not and how do we next go about remedying these concerns, or not.

Something of each one of these cities and its people that I find deeply charmed by, and at ease too. I grew up in Alexandria, visiting DC in my youth often, and I've visited Baltimore since youth too, and once had a contract to purchase a home there, ...and Pittsburgh was the return to my birth state but otherwise really a personal adventure of my own completely, attracted by the professional team's, the arts, the entertainment, and the casinos together, and the rest of the growing spirit if the city. I dream of watching the steelers one year in the future. I was in Alexandria when our beloved skins one several super bowls, and I've been close to Baltimore, but I want to live a single season in Pittsburgh and watch a super bowl...because what even better perspective could there be to write about? I'm waiting for the next alignment in Pittsburgh, and my health and those things are happening now.

So now, what would you do?

It's just really hard to give up on my dreams.

...and in all these travels, music and musicians always surround me, celebrating and sharing life and helping another maintain balance through difficult times.

The Look I Realized Was Fear of Death, On Turn, Fear of Life

The fear in everyones' eyes is so obvious, once the fear has departed from within your own soul permanently first, as now you realize with clarity what you saw within everybody else eyes before that puzzled you so. Life from this new perspective is fresh and revealing instead of scary as before; as now I'm certain of the realm that awaits, and the beautiful and perfect journey that will lead me Back Again to His. Kingdom, no matter how difficult the journey. In life i'll fear, but fear death any longer, i'll not ever again.

Remembering and Building Faith Shared with Me Freely, Together We Survive, May Peace Reign Forevermore

So... yesterday while visiting Alexandria, Virginia, I went to vidit a friend at his home. I was certain it was behind Carl Sandburg Intermediate (old Fort Hint High School). I got back to Ramparts and stopped. I knew, only just now, that my memory was completely incorrect. I'd only been there once before, but it wasn't here... it was somewhere erroly close.

I suffered a heart attack / stroke (and far more multiple applications) last Aug 12, 2018 and this in apparently one of my black hole memories, as I call them (very few and very light).

I was certain I was correct 100%, as I'd already informed my father, whom I'm visiting, where he resided.

Fortunately, ..."Google"...and i had a proper address, an AHAaaaaa moment, and i was personally refreshed...however, i definitely distinctly remembered this... WRONG :(...not terribly wiring though...parts we're right or close, and do somehow, neurologically overlap.

It's also, I'll mention, a completely different feeling than... "you know what's his name...oh, from school days, oh um"... well, it's not like that. It's a for certain with either an unexpected blank at the end or just completely wrong as in this case (worst yet, of very small handful)...as weird as it is/was, it's insignificant overall, however, it shows a percentage of damage which is an offense... sometimes i have a new deja vous like feeling too, but it's hard to describe too. A few new strange peculiarities. I'm like myself,with a few surprises from time to time.

I use to be great with names years ago, less so more recently, but i think I'm getting better there again... still not great though.

Other memory has new dead ends where momeort just quits (as normal) and then sometimes its like I'm looking into a file for the rest. It's like it's all my memory, then the rest was added. That's a bizarre feeling!

Our minds are incredibly powerful, and I'm so very thankful i did not suffer catastrophic damages under the extreme circumstances i suffered.

Beyond incredible professional medical help, I attribute this success to aspirin and faith.

Chew one large aspirin in a heart / stroke event... if you do not have a history of stomach stomach, bleeding ulcers.

I had a stroke, heart attack, asthma, lactic acidosis, viral sepsis, CPR & fell down the steps and dislocated two vertebrae (still)...the doctors we're certain if broken my neck indeed.

I'm in shock daily, truly, still, that not only I survived, but that I'm able bodies and even in less pain then beforehand, but differently too. I've not been advised as to what i can and can not do. As far as my heart goes, i can fi whatever i want! Just hit that all clear, but my neurologist is sending me to another neurologist (my 4th or 5th in life) for nerve testing, as i have nerve damage Fri. my neck injury, but also carpal tunnel in both hands.

Oh, well...life is about the adventure. For now, i have yo spiritually be one larger than my pain. I must move like the wind with god's grace and thankfulness.

Yesterday, i cried on a good part of my trip through the mountains, and down and southward to our nations capital, where I was raised.

The growing thankfulness for my upbringing, my life, my friends of yesteryear and today, all growing immensely, as i journey into a spacetime, i had already moved forward towards in death once, and returned from that definite brink.

As part of my mind mends or has missing memory, other memory, new, is just hard to even describe or tell others about, as it's experience from a realm not physical and it sounds insane, except that it's all in perfect alignment with others who have NDE's (near death experience)...abd u wasn't near death. I stopped breathing and had no pulse a while before I returned. I'm unsure of those specifics, but I'm going to ask, soon. I'm not ready for other details quite yet. What i remember is insanely traumatic, and most don't believe I remember what I do and can. Most never get to make the phone call i made to get help. Of just my heart condition alone, Takotsubto Syndrime, 6% survive what I survived... that's not including all the other things I suffered.

My team of miraculous healers performed what I feel is without a doubt a pure multitude if miracles, as though they brought Light back from over the edge of the event horizon of a black hole.

Fred Zevin, all data was not fully lost... but close... so very, very close.

I'm thankful we are only offered that which God is confident we can handle.

I'm looking forward to soaring again, and soon! This is everything I've ever lived for, everything!

Thank each of you for being part of the blessings in my life. Even those of you who don't believe in prayers and blessings, you too have blessed me! What's that make you?

I've only got ahold of life because others re-used to give up on me! Why do we give up on too many others??? Why??? Others want to live too, and we turn our backs to them all too often...lets help lift others up past life challenges and past the point of giving up on the self and let's restore the inner personal value to life we should all hold and carry for another.

Sadly, today we can look around and read about or watch the consequences of instilling a poor value for life upon a generation, as seemingly, we have mistakently burdened a generation or more as such, as we must unite now to overcome our shortcomings and heal together.

No more purposeful division, because we all must be very determined within that we came thus far to heal and also because we are firgesd now tougher than ever, a part of each our inherent destiny, to prove that life has a deep and meaningful value that all should be able to cherish, protect, and in the pursuit if happiness, should always be able to pursue through their dreams to their heart's content.

Thanks each of you for blessing me. Blessings and prayers are the gifts and manifestations I receive from the outpouring of love from the actions and sharing of others... and even through a selfish storm, I've been blessed more deeply than known possible to me previously, except that I do believe in Faith and I KNOW what Faith can do if it's even just Faith in minute an amount as a mustard seed.

In death, mountains moved for me to survive, and upon my return, Faith in humanity once lost, was forever in an instant restored. I've been baptized in water of peace now, at last, and so may it Reign, for ALL, forevermore.