Utter Waste ~ Excerpt ~ I ∆M ¶®GR∆M

Wow...

Just An utter waste of a day... Totally unproductive !!! Should have known when I woke with a massive headache, of which I almost never get .... Arghhhhhhhh arghhhhhhhh arghhhhhh...

So tired of feeling like my ducks are all finally in a row but the world doesn't do what I want. Nit feeling very patient, as there is so very much to accomplish. Back to working around the house. I'm done trying to reach out to anyone. Done extending my hand. Just done... and shouldn't I be?

Patience is a MF !!!

Being self centered today is far worse...

I just have to sit back and stay on course within, with God, and remember the world and all of its beautiful inhabitants are not my personal chess pieces to move at will on any given whim.

I have to admit I'm tired and feel a clock ticking faster as thankfully age takes hold, physical limitations take hold and have a fucking really tight grip, mire problems start there badly and I'm leaning against this massive machine I'm building that is really a huge snowball atop a mountain of which gravity wants to take down easily without energy from me, I'm scared to let it go and see myself crushed by the liabilities its taken to get here, and in balance my entire she'll of an empty life thus far ... No I'm not giving up, I'm simply stating that what appears is bit what it seems in financial situations.

Others think they have me pegged but know not a single percent of the true responsibilities I have earned, bitten off, and I'm chewing in currently.

I'm a facade.

I'm simplifying in most areas, shedding dead weight, and trying to learn how to set my ducks along that downward mountain slope.

I'm the snowball, now human on skis, blasting down the mountain with skill and ease and celebrating life again, my ducks easy to assimilate into life now finally, steps, little tiny, steps, these integral parts soon I must gain along my way, already possessed by me, they  possess me, drive me further, to faster fly onward down along my way.

I want to fly, however at the bottom of the mountain, I have work I've commanded, and of what to do with it and where, space for everything without personal insult???, and back on that lift upward I go, parts behind me positioned at last, more ducks to go grab again, all in a row.

Today, however, I idly sit... It feels like such wasted time...

At least my pooches, bird, and cat remain so true,
it's easy to relax again,
because of each of you.

I  ∆M  ¶®GR∆M