Empty Castle

It's a very strange feeling at 51 to think that I might want to be blessed with children... still.

Internally, I did not at all because my energy level and the impossibility of being a good father and being in their lives for a long time, but now hope and a clock that runs faster against me.

I'll likely never know that love, but I know it from my own parents... so I feel nothing missing really, just an unfulfilled, once again growing desire.

Problem is I'm a defect on the eyes of others, and who'd want to have children to suffer as I have on health? It seems a poor gamble and an unfair invitation, however... what if I had folks that thought this way ?

Fukk emotions and being emotional ;(

Fukked in an empty castle ;(