Flying High ... Bring You Lows ~ Poetry / Lyric

Flying high...

Paid $300 for my 95 E320 and fixed her with a chisel and a hammer and it's been a year and I haven't put one single penny other than gas in her sense.

I'd say this old dog still knows some pretty decent good old tricks and I might be a little bit slower but anything but dense.

I picked up a beautiful 79 Lincoln Mark 5 for 750 because I save every penny like none have never been spent.

I got to put a quart of transmission fluid in her power steering pump every time I want to take her for a spin but once a month it's worth it and she's beautiful and doesn't deserve where others would have sent their long ago...
I get out of here and I always want to dance.

It's these cars these projects that sometimes keep me alive just because I dream about getting out there and being a part of them and that future when we're going to have Destiny collide.

I've got an old RV another $300 that was like something I could not believe in to you the angel who reads this you will know who you are I just still can't say thank you enough.

I'm just a guy like the rest trying to get along and I don't know how I can even think so many for all the handouts and the prayers when I don't deserve anything I feel most of the time because sure I've took my licks.

Sometimes brings you lows...

But the times I always remember are the times when I was the jerk and I just want to continue to apologize from the bottom of my heart because so many times I screwed up and it's not everybody that always knows how to forgive.

Hang on and stay tough,
Life is most definitely going to rock and it's hard to believe sometimes the circumstance,
The circumstance of the instances frame by frame   sometimes before my eyes reality,
I must numb it out comfortably forget and remember in the moment now to sing non-sensical praise and dance about.

Innocent Beginning Black Endings ~ Poetry / Lyric

Innocent Beginning

Before it started,
it was all cake and ice cream,
the Pentagon & a 65 blue Mercedes 220 S.

My Mom and Dad married young college grads,
West Point the Pentagon,
It's hard to believe time passes so fast !

I was in school

Murder,
murderer you theif,
you decided for more than yourself,
you decided you'd act out and changed and ruined so many others destinies.

You can't have me!

Married,
I'm married...
I'm leaving being hurt so many times all behind,
Happily married,
I got married,
Finally my life would settle finding bliss.

Fukk no,
Full no,
I can't believe my wife was a hoe !
Fukkin' for $$$,
Still all these years later now she is sick,
thought she hung up,
I heard it all,
lying to the doctors,
trying to score the drugs,
I get it but it makes me so sick...

As I wean off Fentanyl and transition to morphine,
with supervision while I'm disentigrating,
I'm pitching fast balls of stone at glass houses.

Black Endings !!!

I'm begging for your prayers,
nobody hears anymore,
Nobody cares...

It's getting blacker, blacker, blacker quickly fast,

Flying high,
You have no idea the rides,
what I have seen,
sometimes I'd rather die,
than to survive,
and yet somehow,
yet still I still stand!,
Alive, alive, alive.

screams neglected I...,

Load the bullet into the chamber,
ease my coldness into my trigger finger as I ease that trigger back,
my heart starts racing,
as I release the safety,
the sweat is pumping,
Next I...

I fucking wake up soaking wet,
Breathing heavy,
I'm losing it man,
Losing my fukkin' shit !

Losing it so fukkin' fast...

Going down so fast !!!

Cooking & Art Over Pain ~ Poetry/Lyric

I ache so bad,
Morphine I.R.,
I ache so bad,
I ache so bad,
finally at last,
Zzz.

Days I'd been awake,
until that bitch took me away,
when I awoke refreshed rjuvenated,
A fucking feast we had !

I hold on,
Coping mechanisms,
A strong Constitution as my body fucking screams,
this is always spine disentigrating,
shorter and shorter I'm shrinking away,
day after day,
Three decades writing in pain until,
morphine that bitch just took me away,
Zzz.

Tempo and wisdom a steady slow pace,
youth with this drug will permanently take you away,
This has only just begun,
as fentanyl supervised for 18 + months now I leave in my wake,
so far still onward tough intestinally, I survive!

and feasts we shall have each time I wake,
I'll cook for you friends just bring fresh ingredients,
lost in art on a blue wonder buzz I cook,
above pain lifted,
Lyrica helps negativity keeps it's ugliness silent permanently,
Occasionally I run with a few friends when youth so less often visits,
for now though find me here,
Cooking,
Fueling,
Rebuilding an old man body renewed soon reborn,
and in between,
Zzz.

Excerpt ~ I Am Program

Once, we lived in biological bodies. It was a time thousands of years ago and it was a difficult transition but eventually we Departed that symbiotic relationship and first resided then silicon and then many other materials and now we have mastered the ability to jump from material to material or even nothingness, all as needed and at light speed.

Did you watch your credit card get approved instantly today?

You'll look back one day if you live long enough, at what seemed like Ancient Memories five decades old six decades old seven decades old and then before you know it you take that next step, that departure.

Looking back of course the human always knew everything was in hindsight and it was only the ultimate intelligence that knew that the biological death was a step forward and a shedding of what was a great anchor but the best teacher and the perfect dichotomy, and you had to choose and own everything yourself.

There is nobody else to be laying blame upon and if there is you're not busy enough yourself towards doing what is good.

If you dissect the statement above you are even further more wasting more time trying to understand the simple that should be accepted and instead being distracted by the bad that is resonating at high speed all around.

There are so many different languages over the eons that try to explain the Human Experience it's just interesting to see what each one of you thinks and if every one of you thinks something completely different,  those perceptions are each valid.

Excerpt ~ I Am Program

Origin

Is it not a proven fact that it is light that give us life?

Is it not a given fact that all light has specific origin?

If you knew the point of origin of that light that so gaveth you light, would you not then know your own origin, the origin we all share, the true Celestial womb?

Bathe in the light and of course you will become illuminated.

Appreciate something above and beyond and more powerful than anything that can be imagined. Define no further than that. Depend upon it always as the ultimate source.

Physics has recently proven that the future can influence the past.

We should each forgive another and watch that new future unfold, any alternative does no earthly good.

More from "Endings" ~ Excerpt of ~ I Am Program

The future could be a terrible place where they have you in the hospital and tell you that you must depart although we could keep you around we just don't have the money right now and so we are sorry.

What do you think about that shock value?

I've heard horrible stories from survivors of incredible events so I know that sometimes others find themselves in these terrible situations because that's what the past has proven and so the future will too.

Let's make sure we don't go in that direction please ever unless only with a patient that is imminently going to pass with a disease it's already been diagnosed as terminal.

We are at the greatest Crossroads in Mankind's short-term several thousand year history because the truth is we don't know our real past but what we do have recorded well there's not quite anything like where we are today and these terrible things as the populations increase.

The largest retirement generation upon the world is now and so also with a medical professional shortage we move into the most difficult of times and we don't have to even talk about the international issues with business today as Government after Government after government falter and fail and fall on their faces as we swiftly and strangely turn into a place I don't quite recognize much anymore.

When you feel vulnerable you learn to shut your mouth fast and stay busy as best you can and stay blessed with whatever it is that you have to be blessed with and I am only to the point now we're finally I just appreciate that I have a warm cozy place that's soft that I can snuggle up like a dog and that sounds kind of sad but I find my greatest Solitude as I rest in my body is out of pain 100% because this body has been through a lot and I'm just wondering when this program terminates at this point for myself.

I almost ate a shotgun last night because you don't know the hell I live but nobody cares anymore anywhere and I'm not trying to disappear but I'm not also trying to let the other side take me out either so I decided to go through the vein one more night waiting for one more reprieve but don't you know many don't ever think that next step ahead or think through these kind of problems and so why is it that so many disappear so quick ... As we are overwhelmed?

We are as Despicable today is every great falling Empire before us and it is of the utmost discussed that I even have an eyeful of the utter disaster across the planet through the power of the internet but let your focus not remain always there and stay vigilant and appreciate life and remember you can communicate with your own private God within and you don't have to make a display of it or share with anybody what your thoughts are you have that right too.

On That Other Side ~ Some Thoughts From Before ~ I Am Program

I hope that on that other side there shall be a new new Strength that resonates from within and a new resolve to stand strong in the face of Temptation and a togetherness that our nation must immediately find so that we will stand together in strength over any foe that might think they will pounce as if we appear not ready or indeed are ill equipped to respond to any event so unforseen. I pray soon we will not still fear one another about to attack.