Glimpses

I've had a few glimpses of the old me returning... up 20 hours sleeping four and waking perfectly restored. Would love for this to become the norm again... another miracle will come to pass. I had a terrible persistent cold for a very long time, but I stubbornly fought it off myself...also something I've not been able to do for ages. My immune system seems to also be becoming slowly stringer and stronger again too ...I'm just going to stay on this course and pace working for me,  and pray I never forget these lessons learned. I'm focusing hard working to capture positive energy and staying in the moments planned ahead and regularly booking ;) ... Nothing perfect by any means, but everything that matters perfect at last.

The Alcoholic Before, After My Sudden Death Heart Attack Perspective

I once drank like a complete and absolute lunatic. I had reasons and tolerance and deep pain. Only after August 12, 2018, can I finally see myself then as others did. I'm deeply thankful to feel evolved in those regards. I'm not interested in alcohol and I understand fully it's inherent evils and pitfalls when abused, and it's a shame our society glorifies it so, but it's valuable, and as it creates euphoria and is marketed precisely yo entice you and it's always available. That's freedom. Be careful with it! My primary point here was to apologize for the man I never was and I'm growing into... finally.

If you have issues with this garbage... I'm always here to chit chat too. There is something deeper at issue, and that's the hurt we must remove, root and all.

Let's all heal together now and make the rest of this run super worthwhile. Don't forget the suffering, you already know who they are. I was suffering back then, and then even made others suffer ;( ...I glorified it and was a poor example and promoted a lot of insanity with very always willing friends...I always found boatloads of them. I admit to great memories too, but holiday dark sin-filled days and nights to any alcoholic would fully understand. Even a non-alcoholic that had one bad night in life would understand.

The ill are mostly left alone, to fight and fend for themselves while their rationale and reading have departed. They desperately need love and attention and close proximity, are volatile and need a caring direction. All else is a set up for failure and an impossibility towards and healing, reconciliation, or rejuvenation, or rehabilitation, etc.

Please, as you have done for me...keep the I'll on the right path towards help and gentle living guidance before that day will never be available soon.

Diseases of the mind and body can and do leave the ill with the worst discretion if any. We should take a real look at ourselves and society and try to mend and heal the ways not fruitful.

I'm glad the guy I once was isn't hurting himself today. He was once so ridiculously abusive to himself and then pretty controlled for a few decades, but often in an internal struggle. I don't know that feeling today as deeply.

I've no words yet, maybe ever, for some of my recent traumatic, completely non-alcohol related, experience. I just know I'm deeply thankful to those that saved me last year and those that have guided me and offered me refuge from myself for a lifetime.

Slapping Down the Pied Piper... RANT

Nutty rant...

X-Mas Eve, I'll be 52... God granted.

I grew up in Alexandria, Virginia and could race Nascar easily after being raised here. If you don't know the roads here (as I'm visiting) then you just can't even begin to imagine.

For example:

Yesterday, on my travels here, on 70E 7 deep in the fast lane, 2 older vettes, done family vehicles... smoke by me locked in on cruise at 70 mph in the slow lane...they've got a formation going with less than a car length...not fucking even kidding here !!!...between then...easily hauling east at 85-90 mph.

I'm thinking to myself just before I see them coming in my rearview mirror getting all in order more or less how happy I am to be alive and finally be journeying back to Alexandria a year and 12 days past death and revival.

then they put on this display of the most insane stupidity of ever seen and of course I even had this discussion with Dad tonight once you get to Frederick it's kind of all blah meaning I'm leaving Utopia behind and going back to the retarded senseless jungle.

I came back because my dad will be 90 in September and well there's nothing else here for me. Otherwise when I headed west the first time I would have stayed that way. DC has nothing to offer me but I have a lot to offer it because I can tell them what the world looks like in close proximity and a studded in analyze that for a while and it's damn near killed me. I've been obsessed blah blah blah it started with my studies oh no really it started with the way I was raised threw up born etc it's just who I am honestly because it's me from my experience and I wouldn't trade any of this for the world. I do want to add to it though and so I was thankfully flying along 70 miles per hour in my little Jeep liberty so content until I saw these lunatics and thought God damn look at these f****** idiots doing what I used to do and they're even crazier today LOL

Oh, by the way it's these moments when you know your damn near old or well okay let's be honest past old LOL

so anyway I watch them and then I had visions of a big pile up in front of me as I decelerate add from my cruise control that I had locked and decided I'd assist like those that helped me but golly what stupidity and I just thought they don't understand what it's like to take your Mercedes and fly through the air until you come to a sudden stop and I did fly about 3 and 1/2 Lanes and with. I struck a huge curb that day December 20th, my best friend from high school's birthday, 2017. Then August 12th of 2018 well... If they knew where I've been they'd understand their insanity and sadly I didn't have my little camera running this day cuz I would love to show it all to you.

Now, as fun as that may be in with all the freedom in the world that we do have in the United States, it's still stupid and just placing others lives in danger and your own and the truth is when you look at the pile UPS in the fog on that stretch of roadway then you think about something like this and what could happen on a busy Saturday as it was that I drove down to Virginia from Cumberland, well it's incredible!

when I started this I had a completely different point to make so I'll make it fast because it seems insignificant in the greater part but it's wholly (orginnaly VR used holy) significant in itself as well.

I cruised the speed limit down the different interstate system which is 68 East to 70 East to 270 East to 495 South 2 route 1 South to fort Hunt road and well it's pretty much that simple and I start out at the Baltimore avenue exit in Cumberland. Everybody's got directions if you know the rest of the tricks after those in points then we're definitely friends or you're going to get your ass kicked, but anyhow LOL just kidding the interesting thing as I drive 495 NASCAR race track is...

I've driven since I was 16 years old first of all so keep that in mind and that I am going to be 52 come Christmas Eve, well I have a pacemaker defibrillator now and this is the first time I've driven this stretch of road. adrenaline did not course through my veins like it did on the wrestling mat or on the football field or those other places in life and I felt a calm that I never knew before but I knew well before with the vision that I held within me if I survived and I could get this pacemaker one day which I really truly tried for over 20 years to convince my doctors I needed. This was a very very sneaky disease oh, but it's very very real.

Now keep in mind I'm tuned up on the medications that they offer me and my herbal supplements and I don't say that jokingly as I take curcumin and echinacea and the list goes on, what's interesting is I'm more calm than I've ever known in my life driving through some very intense crazy insane traffic that makes what I just said above actually look like nothing.

At first I think like, wow this is almost psychotic how cam I feel maybe like a sniper. And then I thought well maybe but more like a pilot probably. You understand everything around you exactly what's going on but in the greater aspect of everything you understand what's most important is delivering the goddamn payload and protecting the life that you value and that means the life that is yourself and all that is around you, but trying to balance that with the testosterone will Christ that's not a f****** joke that's some tough s*** !

well that's what I used to feel like I mean I totally get that and I totally identify with that now but I'm not that guy anymore I am truly a new guy that would have been the next soul in the cycles of birth and death and birth and death and on my way to becoming an involves soul I would have been in this new body but instead I was allowed to return here and I am like a completely different person yet the same and it seemed that my nearly 90 year old dad might have understood that pretty well tonight and it seemed that because I believe we had some of the best conversations of my life, that we've had some of the best conversations of my life because you will find that what you envisioned and what you believe will become your reality.

I'm glad I got here safely and I'm not saying I drove perfectly the whole way because there is really some Insanity about the way you must drive when you're out there because statistically if you drive the speed limit you will have more cars pass you which leaves you at a higher risk rate of being in an accident, however if you just find out what the average traffic speed is around you well then you can move in and out with that flow and that brings me to the idea that perhaps through a great company such as perhaps Google or let's just say maybe not a great company but a company that does hold some great assets, perhaps we could design a new way to use the speed limit such that it is suggested to us that we should do this speed or that speed and that suggestion becomes the law and we don't need to spend any money on signs we could just do away with that and everybody's using what's in your hand that you are reading right now anyhow so why not adapt these strange to the cars because Lord knows there's enough of these screens in the dump already that they could be installed in every car for nothing.

We are at a day and age where money means invest today to save life that we teach all to value for tomorrow so that we will find that we will all be able to deliver the payload and also arrived safely together.

I'm crying feeling like I'm living a fairytale here in my boyhood home after the day that I had and I only needed 20 minutes with everybody as I purposefully arrived at the end of the picnic because I don't need too much of anything anymore I've had everything just right for my entire life and even though I appreciated it any great and fascinating way it's not the way I appreciate it today.

Social Security disability is going to be giving me a psychiatric examination soon. The second one. Isn't that nice. Well you know what I'm not crazy and I'm not anywhere near it but I would like some help taking care of myself because this last year in particular has been the biggest motherfuker on top of the biggest motherfuking five years I ever knew on top of the biggest decade I ever knew on top of the biggest two decades I ever knew and that's not consecutive but concurrently.

I probably shouldn't write or say this but this is the third go around with Social Security disability and if they've taught me anything it's that you better be tough and you better take our s*** because we're not going to let some people win no matter what and for whatever reason they hate my f****** guts and never even called me a liar.

Study the great song by led Zeppelin called communication breakdown there are more great lessons in there for life than perhaps who knows maybe any song. The biggest lesson of all is that when there's communication there's always the promise that there will be a breakdown.

Free Will is a motherfuker and we can use all the communication in the world and you still can't get people to drive the speed limit safely and you still can't find a fairness in this life but what you can do is decide if it's going to define you or if you're going to define it or if you're going to go with the flow and let each other define another and move forward with Grace and find that through healing there has still been much learned and when applied a better life still gained and greater than next is sharing whatever those lessons might be so that others might not have to experience the same types of pitfalls... whatever all this crap means.

what it means actually is that we become evolve spirits eventually. It might not be this time around and probably that's why all the problems because we have all these different grade spirits in bodies they can't even control trying to evolve to the higher realm and well you know it's almost kind of funny when you think about it that way but if we think about it as being too funny we won't take what's happening today seriously and what's happening today is that the family and other institutions have fallen apart and the value of Life across the world but definitely in the United States for certain has become devalued and we are letting social media even further pushed that same agenda and there are reasons for these agendas and there are dollar bills that are valuable tools to be followed that will lead us on a trail to the culprits.

During this third Social Security disability case I've died and been revived and been fitted with a pacemaker and defibrillator and then just afterwards was denied. What do you think about that?

I want you to search this on YouTube and just look for the special on Earl Campbell and look at what spinal stenosis has done to him. Yep got that too.

I don't qualify because I smile and I don't use my cane and I'm a stubborn son of a b**** that wants to live if I don't give up.

I don't want to qualify either but I'm at the end of certain ropes.

after death and revival none of those things are worth finding my life over. F*** stress and all of this physical b*******. It's easy to say that when you are blessed, actually.

I've lived a very sickly life since birth and I have also lived a very wonderful life and I appreciate the challenges and I appreciate just being able to move forward and then sanity you can find in my art because it's an outlet to let this terribly negative energy flow out until that time where you give time enough time to find healing.

Got to go, here comes the piper. Going to hide around the corner and slap him in the face.

God Without the Bibles of Mankind, Language Babbel A Dis-Service

Does God show you yourself through others? Your possible future? Your shortcomings? Strengths and weaknesses? Your progress? Your solutions? Prayer is about focus and discipline so that you may more easily find your way as guided. That's not religion, that's Faith! I don't speak beyond God often, it's personal and it's ok to hold that upbringingvabdcecperience close to the heart, however remember each feels just as you within, too. Denomination, as Religion itself too, more often divides if the majority is ignorant of the religions too, and it's quite impossible to know all of mans current faiths at any given instant. Faith is within us each, it's our fabric. It's what got you and myself, each of us all here... and it's more powerful than fear! Fear is used to control a situation or outcome, no matter if produced from within or without. Don't fear religion, and always build upon your solid foundation of what's proven to you to be Faith. Just some thoughts after the first half-decade.

I'm a Christian, and I'm very displeased about how that appears to the non-christian, and equally disappointed in the observations I see as acceptable in "Christian Life".

We have, all of us, of all divisions, ;( , have a lot of work to do!

Hate

Terrorism

Murder

Mass Shootings

These are acceptable on a daily basis now as a regular diet of information as an instant flowing input, as it's pushed upon the masses today, and can you not see the self fulfillingg cycles at work here???

We have hate, feeding on hare, breeding hate.

Everybody can point a finger, but who can take care of themselves and help the next who is suffering?

Why so much suffering though?

It's purposeful and with deep intent, so contemplate this thought carefully please.

I believe with Faith, the future will be precisely what we together settle for.

Clouds of the Sweetest Musical Spiritual Opium ~ Cyborg∆Steve

In the summer, I dream upon this cloud of music here, this gift, and rest in the natural rhythm of the coolness of the mother earth, and arise at inner peace in the heat of the summer sun or the humidity of the tropical days I yearned for during months as wickedky bitter and frantically dangerous as Alaska, these challenging hills of Western Maryland, a perfect Nirvana as no other and out Spitot growing stronger now through challenge, and we soldier still onward together with the torch of progress in balance. My visions at home are peaceful and elsewhere if like too offer and promote such dreams of happiness upon the freedom of lives pursuits. Who would n't want yo defend such a perfect way of sharing blessed life with respect towards another no matter your own personal set of principled beliefs?

Who Am I to impose my experience and belief upon you, or you me?

Upon clouds and beams of light I want to dance so verily alive that you can see the pure joy in my eyes and the torch that individually in life we each so carry?

Why the full in another would you want yo extinguish that? I care not your argument, to satisfy only your ego and intellect, selfish is it in fact.

I'm the imperfect hypocrite in hindsight warning with wisdom from pain deeper you've no consent. Pain that's deeply permanent...damaging.

In clouds of opium thoughts I beg forgiveness to source the one almighty perfect you are, please I'm sorry my wrongs in my free will improperly exercised your will betrayed.

Forgive me all I've ever hurt, this Leo now reborn,
I'm reincarnated,
A loophole I returned,
I was dead and an evolved soul came back,
and I'm not so very always fond of him.

Of the fiber things I'm proud of the cloth I am and was and will further evolve to be.

I'm so sorry for the pitiful misery of which causayion I have been, or when I couldn't carry enough water for the tribe, or my own weight to survive, I've had others breathe for me to bring my spirit back from definite inescapable black hole reality,
I escaped and returned with the greatest if science and medical coorfination...

The supercollider bearing gifts so we can hyperskip across space and time while manipulating matter, and then project the reality of the wave upon which we would like to durf with life...its do beautiful, this journey, just to be alive.

https://youtu.be/mdbZl2w_R7g

What's the Histiry of the Cyborg? ~ Cyborg∆Steve

The is a written build-out in progress...

The History of Cyborgs, by: Cyborg∆Steve

Whats a cyborg and who was the first one?

Well, I'm one of the midtvrrevent examples, but in definitely not the first.

Here is information about the first cyborg...

History of the Pacemaker and Defibrillator

This is a build out in progress

Contribute by submitting email to: rokkinroll@gmail.com

Origin / Conceptual Founder

Definition

Evolution

Footnote chronological historical reference list