Wednesday, July 19, 2017

RELATIONSHIPS GONE BAD ~ CHAPTER ONE

The woman who admitted in court last week that she's a liar and that she attacked my client emailed that she wants her television back.



In response to the above, writtem by an attorney friend from high school days now out in California...

.... and certainly not perfectly written, as I've spent enough time here it still and will always boggle the mind at least a minimum, but glad to say you can heal, but never fully recover.You can learn but you cannot delete. You best think at least twice about relationships is what I will say. Get to know someone and do not settle for poor personal habits. They unveil poor personal control, low esteem, poor health mentally that will lead to poor health spiritually and physically soon enough, some of those are not just going to be suffered by the alcoholic / addict either !!!

Truth is, from my personal experience, as I was the attacked man and my ex-... well she served jail time; I refused to testify because she had a bad night, ...again, however, she could have killed me with the escalating full blown events and I know I am happier than ever and safe today.

The State stood up on my behalf because these officers had been hear so often watching the battered guy so often asking for help but stopping at anything further...just as I studied I became the batter woman syndrome woman... poorly titled book, and sadly naively in love man,,, at the time... live and learn...

I call it writing fuel...

of your client... she stood tall in her case and just said what she needed to, and everyone wants whatever belongings they think are theirs, especially a woman feeling scorned, and I say this because my ex, yes I still talk to her, or did for a time, I do not anymore as I cut all these types out of my life for good, short of it is she did not remember any of it...

she feels scorned...just ridiculousness from ridiculousness !!! DENIAL

... she grew up an abusive weekend party hard warrior and she never quit... just hid it well as it was not often but almost always epic !!!

... and well she snapped out drinking,

then acted out from fantasy land... straight vodka and she was off to the races and her childhood friends I shielded her from like an angry parent loved to buy her a $6 pint and watch her go... I could still cut them all down in a blaze of bullets and hardly care the way they never cared for her... I told her early on I would never ever go to this one person home the trouble was always centered around. Fighting against certain disease becomes overwhelmingly hostile as time passes because, such as alcoholism, some are progressive, and I understand from others I have gotten the worst of it yet... she is sick getting sicker. ;(

Anyway, she blanked out that night like every time before.

That night those fine men and women, as several responded thankfully, started a process that very well saved my miserable existence at a bare minimum and my life at best and hers for certain for a while longer at least as she had to go get sober in jail and it was finally the miserable experience it should have been and it was indelible, at last, and before, since youth, she rarely ever served any time for a several page record. There were the 911 calls from previous nights, a record of events, a history of multiple assaults against many others, and on and on, I am simply trying to illustrate all of the classical red flags, and I wonder still how me ? not why me? but live we do if lucky and learn we may and I have !!! I am single now for a couple of years working on myself and bettering my positions everywhere and writing a lot,... can you tell..it's what I do along with a few other artsy things as I study life as a scientist from the point of nearly anywhere as an artist. I adore writing and the arts honestly and it has indeed, along with music... lead me to meet some interesting folks is a nice way to say it, and I am an interesting folk to "they" may say... we are all pretty intense as most artists definitely have strong similar attributes... so on and on... again, most importantly, thanks to the fine... it was actually a woman that interviewed me and made her arrest that evening...so thank you, Mam !!! I did not remember that fact until now, that is what intense duress does !!! Triggers pull memories bubbles from far below the depths of the lake of pain we are the are buried and stored far below the lake's floor and when the bubbles are allowed to surface, more healing has taken place ! This thread from facebook indeed offered release that no single person can force out alone... everyone will need this type of help one day, understand the area ahead now and understand what coping mechanisms are, develop them, and now where to seek more through other professionals, and if you refuse professional help ever your are only hurting yourself.


I am now today very happy over all and have a few worthwhile women in my life that I adore as love interests but that are simply friends, as I need to re-learn to dance so to speak because I want romance like a beautiful slow dance... like my parents made look so simple I truly never once considered the horrific what ifs...and I lived them with two wives, far different than this unbelievable episode. My life reads as truly horrifically unbelievable when e and I am thankful I am learning to walk again here... no matter who is the victim or the attac the er, damage is done two both sides...wow...emotional ride of experience but perhaps of interest with this topic as I see logic and rational in an upside down plastic world that makes less sense more often than not today !!! But never in these cases...the symptoms are classic once able to be observed.

One of the saddest paragraphs I have ever read was her sweet daughter's several paragraphs about waking up with an alcoholic Mother...damn it. I pray she is well today and quelled a broken life from early all the way until now. She is a smart woman and a miracle in so many ways and wants to be the oldest graduate from Harvard because she knows if she ever makes it she will be ancient because the gals that are born and raised broke in these hills where I reside today rarely escape. some treacherous families of extreme broken ignorance and abuse she escaped from, kind of, but damage like this are lifelong and coping mechanisms early on are lifestyles learned at young ages that make your head spin...speaking of heads spinning...well first, I tried to save her... still do to a degree but never again as I did so once, and damn I Paid for it, but I asked for it too I suppose. She does not remember throwing the cell phone on ay my head another night,,, it hit right on the corner as a perfect throw at high speed should and what aim, I should have signed her to a pitching contract that night !!! Well, the scar is right there like a John Travolta dimple on my forehead right in the center... you know another character mark.

I asked her once,... why did she have to make sharing love so very complicated? ... this something so simple.

Fallen ~ Poetry / Lyric ~ MobiusTripz

I've been in trouble in heaven above,
and so here I reside fallen below,
suffering the human experience until again so pretty as to return,
further forged and redefined,
forgive these character defects and short comings, these sins.

Soon I set sail,
I feel it,
this further slipping away,
this anticipated,
this excited feeling coming,
over my suffering,
I may just eat a shotgun,
so to speed it up
Oh but, can fall farther than this,
SO rebellious,
Fuck you and a punch in your face,
If I think date you threaten me.

Falling,
I care not much anymore for another,
In fact indeed I hate you all,
Imperfect and sickening each,
Greedy $$$ filled dreams,
Snot covered children,
Screams, screams, screams,
Your ends coming,
Karma is an earthly reality,
An experience upon our way,
Try to start to do some good,
The tide shifts in favor fast even against so much so bad,
Hey, look, yet I breathe.

My brethren are stopping all around. I speak to them often and then silence and obituary for the eyes to follow so I pray to God above I love I so eased their way and soon I'll see you again, better than I was before, stubbornly still though here finished I shall never be until that time do verily precise you will have me home may I work hard to so honor you somehow,
because in all this is am list and broken and dying and unloved and lost and hated and failing upon my way on human eyes when all my intent is to enjoy life with others upon thier so you selfish greedy way, I understand this selfish greedy way, as Capricorn am i this cruel joke on me, an forever I rebel it's my life it sets me do very free.

I'm free.

You will never rule me.

A soul is your own and do stand for something, freedom for all over misery, let there be no misery, never a question of $ over life. Smash and replace broken paradigms. The greatest gift of a soul, a life,ba body with a personal brain a responsibility so use it and treat yourself in your journey and others well, judge not it's true as in all religions this lesson taught sadness such confusion today, this mortal coil, or mortal misery.

I've been in trouble in heaven above,
and so here I reside fallen below,
suffering the human experience until again so pretty as to return,
further forged and redefined,
forgive these character defects and short comings, these sins.



A Poem Above and A Letter Below Before I Kick It

Got up to take my medicine stood up and forgot why I got up and put my slippers on so I got back under the covers curious why I made myself cold it got crazy and then I realized oh yeah I have to take my medicine. But now I'm back under the covers and I don't want to get up again ... Oh God... You must obey God PS but I have to say something I do want to get up again honestly I didn't mean that see I remember I have to be careful what I pray for but I am weak and I'm like an emotional time bomb with all this prednisone then I have the mind of well I won't say anything I'll be offensive to somebody because that's everybody today and I'm tired of everybody today I just want to curl up in a ball and die but not really you know just for a minute because I'm an emotional mess and I can't remember a thing and I'm stressing and instead of being unless unless Pharmaceuticals I'm going in the wrong direction am I I'm only on more and more Ando prednisone prednisone prednisone my rheumatologist gives me this much and we are careful and I wean myself off but now my PCP gives me a massive dose and I think of my best thought this morning I will call my rheumatologist and let her be aware of this because oh my God you just don't know and you don't want to ever know please life of nothing but pure Pharmaceuticals from birth to death without doubt this will be my generation it has given me life though because without it I would have died a baby so you live to fight when you're supposed to shut up and be tough and not talk about it in and why you watch your friends drop around you like flies you all die nobody's there nobody cares it's not unlike war and you're just alone right before that moment when you're not in this place anymore.

I will say a poem above with a letter below.

I can't write anymore because I have a River of Tears and people that I've let down that look at me for where they stand and they're all around and I'm a failure but I was just trying to live clinging to life.

Shorty just died... his birthday was December 25th and mines December 24th and it always felt like we were from some Same Spirit of the same cloth if that makes sense we were alike so much and just fun guy to talk to and I'm glad he's not suffering here at this shity place and who should NY to what point make all these others lives and so happy before their shity and they died too cuz we all end up in a f****** meat grinder and so you know what trying to be nice to one another and quit letting money destroy everything because that's all it really does and it's easy to look back and see the root of all evil it's so if any words mean anything realize those words that money is the root of all evil because that's the truth and it is just a tool Missy used too often and there must be better regulations or money must be done away with it's that simple killing a race of people or all Bankers or a certain class of people is not an answer its money alone that is the root.

I'm going to kick it soon permanently and I've got a lot of friends around me that just did and that's why I'm crying my eyes out to thank God for voice recognition in really that means thank God for giving us so many beautiful scientific Geniuses mathematical Geniuses be they learned it or be they not with whatever contributions they need to have made recognized or not so that we all may enjoy these handheld devices soon to be implanted soon to be just normal neural networks one day in Android people and then that to that Civilization too shall be quelled and then what will be next will be that's the way the cycle goes try to make the best of what you have which is your life today and try to treat yourself well so that you will have a tomorrow in which to treat others well.

Peace

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Moving Forward Fast ~ Poetry/Lyric ~ MobiusTripz

Once,
all colorful flowers in different geometric bloom,
this brilliant celebratory garb,
celebrating in the light bathing us each,
our golden glowing faces,
our spirit within,
that time now our past,
slowly we dance together,
then apart,
as we fade,
now withering,
returning to the earth,
from when we came forth time and time before,
this time already analysing,
looking back on what was,
and now can never again so be,
in this life ours once again,
returning together we will,
again to dust and so forth again we shall become,
these cycles repeating,
I'll see you again,
life and love manifests,
I love you so,
our time together so spent,
I hope I'll see you each again,
so very, very, soon.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

I Am Program ~ Excerpt ~ Studying Ancient Earth Back In Era of Millennials, 2017

The Egyptians without a doubt had the most visual of minds and of course languages, the hyroglyphs alone, making the electronic devices we hold today an un-needed accessory to them... That's the true power of the mind and the disconnect we have made from another so.

From what is it they were connected to that we have indeed disconnected from?

Is it a good thing ? Or perhaps no...

And then an civilization fell. And like the tide eventually erasing all traces, we often ponder the how and whys and what's and when's of those very decadent yesterday's, fading away.

Somewhere behind in the wake room where our Galaxy came, perhaps a radio active  trace w shall find and then enlighten with laser and so bring able again, these holographic projections from crystals of the ether unlike most nothing imaginable, oh my, what an architect, and of my, such is it that constantly inspires the constant flow that which is life.

The closer the planet to the sun, the further over the event horizon, and into the black hole so full of light that cannot escape, we survive.

Can you see it, our spiral black hole Galaxy? And now with perhaps a red dwarf twin black hole following along as an elliptical planetary solar system upon a different but intersection plane than ours, and now they are hard to see below the sun from us, and in a dark system, cruising along on auto pilot just like us, and the celestial alignments, and so of course no wonder these influxes and perturbations.

I Am Program ~ Excerpt ~ Studying Ancient Earth Back In Era of Millennials, 2017

I Am Program ~ Excerpt ~ Daydreams

A beautiful day staring into the mountains...

Morning contemplations summer-saulting forward from the eye of thought, all so connected, of which the universe itself does not even exist without !

We are told, informed, instructed, educated, offered such...

Thou shalt not JUDGE,

but then...

FACEBOOK

where we return to mob rule?

Ponder these ideas, and use your God given mind and spirit, unless you have a better way to explain it, to figure out how to do what's right, if that's even a personal conundrum meaning more deeply, how or when judge or not.

What's your rule of thumb ? As this simple commandment almost well, seems so very too simple today in a sophisticated world.

We factor and break down seeking essence and origin and the rule is simple ... do not judge !!!

I'm very guilty but know no other way often, so... knowing we are all so equally flawed here as human beings, how do you change and I've past these personal flaws and transcend the self?

The journey always unfolds holding such beautiful poignant answers when finally perceived, that which often stood just before you all along.

Go toward the light always in doubt, I often explore and choose the other and the lessons are hard and long and permanent in so many various ways and the wake behind is often a place I can no longer visit or indeed my mind so powerful can block from the conscience self, as though splintering personalities, comparyment zing, an re-inspection personal resources constantly as I monitor the self upon constant personal inventories.

It's the soul that has minimal resources in which we find ourselves so infinitely in harm's way, build faith always through work upon others needing so very much more than the selfish I.

To judge it not to judge?

To all of these things or not, an opposite and opposing, often "spooky" opposite reaction transforms something elsewhere almost seemingly effortessly, like magic, ... Is it the opposite of all my black days and nights. That elsewhere light is so shined?

Is there not something of a reward to studying the person, the human being, the objective organism so sophisticated the groups, colonies, cities, counties, towns, and ways w so choose to  call and so cohabitate?

Judge vs. decision, as over the horizon i to Pennsylvania, my state of birth, I ponder and pray and communicate, and think of you each offering only the finest off thoughts, such a perfect summer day, with Luna my dog, and Soleil and Anna, meow and bird all friend with this silly man and his sweet dog.

Sickness keeps me down and off to work to lift me up, fighting for life and balance, mind racing with life, excited I made it here with you all once again.

These ranting running cascading dipping thoughts just roll like the tide visions constantly alive these movies inside, and how did this all just become a reality ?

Spiraling, around, a round'ish globe or top leaning at 23.5°, we all run around on it spinning in orbit, a moon like eye... miracles you don't believe??? Please !!!

Love

The possibilities today are endless !!!

I Am Program ~ Excerpt ~ Daydreams

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Compartmentalized ~ Poetry / Lyric ~ MobiusTripz

The hurt is real,
the neglect you deal,
Why am I made to feel,
Can't you share,
I love you closer,
why am I even here?

A player on another's chess board,
I am a thing of your convenience,
an item owned and used then placed away,
until so needed again,
without a doubt

Not a thought given my way,
busy livez divide lovers highways,
and douse the fires of artists souls,
alive burning​ oarngy bright,
hot summer nights my heart is yours alone,
offer me more please find this time,
I'm pained in silence no one hears my calls,
I'm crying out of teras on dry,
alone and hurting more than I've ever known,
shut out and shutting down,
please

No one cares anymore.
I don't even know why.
I did nothing wrong.
I communicate and respect.
I'm thoughtful and plan.
I gonsider everyone else,
However all else is mine alone so cast and selfish.

Where is the life I want you share,
If I observe it with none if my heart's intent,
I opened my mouth and let my feelings out,
I ruined a beautiful life we shared as friends,
I deckared my love for you,
But I'm always selfish in the end.

Selfish in the end,
this unfair world,
and it's unfair ways,
and soon these tables run I'll have you know,
right now I'm simply on autopilot,
watching and absorbing,
not overly concerned about the comping implosion I've already sidestepped.
I see ahead,
whenever I want and  especially when it's about yo happen,
my heightened senses,
I'll be ready to catch you and if this real love you will make sense.

You'll understand...

My love for you is timeless, endless, boundless, massive, all encompassing, and powerful and it's all yours for the taking.

I'll be here,
even when you treated me like hell,
I'll be here,
even when ignored and lied to,
and in the future when denied and looked the other way,
the accusations keep coming forth,
all the things we did together,
mad lust driven insanity,
folklore, and epic tales, and sagas of passion plays,
and creative imaginations,
that have now completely ran away.

I simply declared I love you.

I don't understand the infinite delay of conveyed sentiment but all others break down under these stressors and so it's found out,
the weaknesses and the strengths,

I love you

I hear children that want to play and be happy, indeed a family waiting. Knowing nothing of the adult lives and the tangled web we weave, oh so innocent let's not drag them under while around sin and do not deceive ot at least do not let these things above so cloud our way.

I love you.

I love you as a man.

I love you the same the moment before I shared it with you so, me no different now,
the one a friend so close you'd made,
so fast friends in love,
at least we are hanging out.

Are  you nervous like me?

Scared?  I'm not scared at all. Anxious I am all the time and if near you it lasts several days until finally I can sleep again at full rest. you pique my chemistry like a battery that's fully charged and ready for you my lady, no matter what it may appear this life has in front of us together, so what we shall uncover  what just up ahead does so truly lay.

I love you.