HEART ATTACK - original title..."another full throttle ramble" and then I felt illl

(added following day)

So I started originally typing below the word START...and then felt ill like a heart attack

...and then watched a great documentary last night, and feel inspired to continue down my healing

path. I am not letting any more set backs get me down...life happens...so onward I march...I hope

there is something worthwhile someone can get out of this...you may email me and I will happily

reply...enjoy, think, rest easy please...smile...breathe deep a few times...it is health for us...get

centered, focused...and read away !...thanks and again enjoy...just a loose know typing on the

blog...content is my main purpose here...not grammar and sentence structure or vocabulary...just a

quick rant...so...

START - 11-21-2011

ramble on,
i sing my song

so here i am...just gonna hit the keys and what appears appears...will be an exercise in speed accurate...i am losing swiftly...the mind and stress...relax...so it will be fun...

i have this cool map of Rome, maybe from the 1500 by a man named Ligorio...printed from a hand carved wooden block, which was then inked, and then pressed onto paper

so my heart does not feel to well at the moment...

going to drink water and breathe deeply and calmly

being ill is quite nerve racking at this level i am at, heart, back, feet, etc.

chest still hurting at 818am...

taking breaks typing and breathing carefully

right arm numbing a little more now...i have nerve damage there already and this just makes it way worse all the way down my right arm

its a strange feeling to know you may just be having a heart attack this moment and kiss this world good bye... to travel onward

at this point I went to get a friend to watch over me

...


OK, next day...scary stuff...close to going to the ER but it all passed...but I am due for the lab rat run through any day now...

worst thing i do now is smoke...I eat well, exercise regularly, I am 160 lbs, 5'7" - I use to 5'9"...spine is that bad !...but I am usually chipper and ready to tackle the day to the best of my abilities...

I had heart cramping, chest pain, tachycardia (120 plus beats per minute)...I decided to tell my buddies I felt very ill...so I woke them up....concentrated on breathing...went to the window for fresh mountain air after I opened and breathed deep...the air instantly calmed my heart a little, as well as the view of the mountains let me relax deeply...I felt like if I freak I am having a heart attack...I will surely kill myself...so I made notes, got help, and it slowly passed ...and I really believe through being calm as possible, which i s very difficult to do when your thinking that you know its time!

So it is a little over 24 hours later...

I watched an excellent documentary last night titled, " Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead".

An excellent show and one of the finest most inspiring documentaries I have watched in some time.

A great guy from Australia, my age (43), was well over weight, suffered from some chronic conditions, and went on a 60 day juicing diet...this is something I am going to do (for at least 10 days) after consulting my doctors...maybe.

I have 0% faith in any of them, they do not cross communicate, they show they could care less if they ever see me or anyone else again (on the surface) and had me loaded with drugs, which I pitched a long time ago.

I refuse to take 14 medications multiple times a day, regardless of my conditions and that they are prescribed...all by one doctor at the time...I just new in my gut this is not good, highly toxic, made me more depressed, and made me always tired.

I am not suggesting anyone do what I did...I am simply sharing what I felt, what my instincts were and what I did.

I feel so much better in the last few years with 0 or very little medicine, that there is no comparison.

In the last few years I have also lost a total of 30 to 35 lbs.

I walk and hike when possible.

My broken back and gout (when it acts up) stinks, as does my heart, so learn, study, change drastically and carefully, communicate to the docs, and if your having a heart attack, do not be stubborn like me, go to the hospital or call the ambulance.

I am stubborn, but I also think it is part of y character make up that makes me say, I am walking no matter what, most of the time.

The pain is gut wrenching, distracting, makes me forgetful at times, often excruciatingly sharp, also always deep and at the least dull, and this pain crosses the threshold of all pains before, with the exception of gout, which is a beast of its own all together.

...so on top of that I may have to have another axillary biopsy...that growth left behind huts quite a bit lately as well.

when it rains it pours, and I have been getting rained on a lot  lately - non stop!

So point is...with the movie...this guy lost major weight, quickly, with a doctor's supervision, and simply juiced only for 60 days.

He had a glow when he was done, meaning his color changed...

he lost around 60 lbs.

was able to discontinue all medications

his chronic condition (a very rare rash that is extremely itchy, and covers the entire body)  is in 100% remission

and so here he is from Australia, and he inspires a trucker to lose weight and try this juicer reset, and he called him 2 weeks after he returned to Australia, and he went all the way back to the U.S.A., and set that guy up with real help...and he even inspired more, if that was possible!

That's all I am saying...you must watch it...I watched on NetFlix...well worth the hour and twenty minutes.

Juicing works, I am inspired, and am doing it at least for the micro nutrient supplement if I do not start out full blast.

I eat well but very light, when less active.

Supplementally should be perfect for me, I already got the BP way down to normal for a long time now...so I have to fuel the wrecked vessel I am, and heal.

That's the plan, and to do it while being as active as possible;e, which could mean stuck in bed several weeks, to feeling better and better at times, as that is how this life goes.

So I will post some things up from time to time...but I am certain the juicing is well worthwhile, as with what I have studied and experienced, I need these micro nutrients.

Have you seen President Bill Clinton?...He looks better then when he became President.

A Vegan now, and a different regimen then this one, but with multiple similarities too the juicing.

After resetting your bodies set point, and then also having detoxified, you will not desire to eat the garbage we are served at fast food placed or off the shelves of the stores.

Most of our foods are over processed, macro-nutrient rich (not as healthy, and mostly complex carbohydrates), and the fruits and veggies that are NOT  fresh are only left with 10% of their nutrients as compared to with as picked, by the time we consume them.

So fresh is the best and juicing.

Also you're filled up and do not desire a tone of food after the juicing.

I have fasted many times.

I always feel healthier, clearer in thought, focused, and energetic.

That usually takes three days first, and these guys in the movie were identical to my pattern I have observed from my own experience.

I think I am ready to quit smoking, fast and juice, or eat light well healthy and juice a lot.

Or I can have a heart attack.

I still have a choice...that movie brought that point home abundantly clear.

If anyone wants to join, we can make a support group, do this together, heal and support and root for one another and share our experiences and keep track of our individual goals.

It would be wonderful to make 44 next month...if not...it has been a beautiful time no matter the circumstance...every event can be a lesson enjoyed, if not at the time then later...often long after and upon reflection, discussion, studying, sharing, and keeping an open mind...even the most hideous appearing tragedies always reveal great life lessons when we look for them.

Life is the most valuable assett...I think we may finally be realizing that as a people across the world, and together collectively, that is the power that is positive with instant communication in real time.

It gives us a chance to do anything we dream.

When I am 85, 43 will have seemed perhaps difficult in a few respects, but I am thinking more and more that I will see this was a time that will be the catalyst to who I am going to become, not who I have been or what my health is.

I want to leave these problems here which will be the past, and heal 100%. I am determined always, even when depressed from time to time, the under ridng current is stronger and one of determination.

Faith is miracle's voice singing subconsciously in our mind's undercurrent of constant streaming thought.

Faith opens every door to all of the great possibilities.

As time needs time, so does Faith need Faith.

Faith building can be tough at best sometimes, and that seems to be when we gain even more of it.

I find patience and clarity and peace in Faith.

Medical doctors are what they are, but I know Faith kept me calm and alive yesterday and felling perfect with no ill side effects today.

I have been through all of this for a long time now, so I know when to jump to the doctors orders, when to get help, when to sit and be calm, when to rest, when to enjoy music, writing, playing guitar, bass, singing, recording music, etc....all Faith building for me personally...and most importantly for me, Faith has placed the right people in my life at the right time...and I needed that...now I am neither lonely nor alone, and that is the best feeling to promote healing.

Last Thanksgiving, I was using a walker, as my back had me contorted and twisted and in excruciating pain, and I had gout too, equally painful but in a different way entirely...

so Thanksgiving is in a few days...

I was alone in my home ill after a three year relationship.

I got the mail outside, found a note, and called a friend and his girlfriend who were broke and stuck here and sleeping in their truck.

It's cold, my furnace is broken, but we are together and it is spirit lifting for me , as I hope it is for them as well.

This may be the best Thanksgiving yet...things can change fast...one year...all unexpected...matters not how well I plan...life always knocks on my door and changes my direction...

I am thankful to have anything to offer anyone, I have been such a wreck, and I am thankful to everyone who has helped me survive this long.

A step away from death and a step away from homelessness is stressful, if you let it be, or in an odd way invigorating, if you so shall choose.

I am passive and focused in Faith, but a fighter in my soul, because I love this life so much, I want to hang on always with everything I have.

Those are some of the lessons from a combination of sports, Faith, life experiences, music, writing, education, etc.

hey all sharpen the mind and help in planning, execution, conservation of energy, tact, etc.

and mostly I believe we all have a time to depart, but we at the same time need to be determined to stick around

Over and over again I get some kind of severe scare and they do not leave quickly, and perhaps ever.

They are each valuable lessons that make me on a daily basis see the value and fragility of life.

sometimes i write sloppy, and directly from thought, I may not spell check or edit, because I mainly want to record the gist of a train of thought, and then come back later and piece the good together in rough form and begin refining...so perhaps this will all be a book one day when I start the next big project...dreams

It is important to me to record these things as perhaps i am not around at a point in time, and my work stops there...hopefully to help many and inspire...i do not intend on everything being broken thought fragments rambling on...eventually...I will have proofed, edited, and organized all this and more I have in paper books at home, and at least get a book and a book of poems too...

I want to write a book, I want to travel, I want to become both smarter and wiser, i want to be a better musician, and sure I desire fame and fortune but never as my main goal, and in the meantime I work on these dreams, and what you read is that...but most importantly, I write because I am a writer, I play and write and record music because i am a musician, and no matter what successes I achieve there, I am thankful I am still here today just to record a few thoughts from my mind to share.

Writing is and even more continually becomes a center to my life that I find great pleasure in sharing and that is an incredible source of soul nourishment, just as is the music.

If perhaps one day I am passed,
and did not a chance have to offer you a farewell,
here it is in a few words now,
carry onward loved friend,
never looking back,
and look for me where time stands still.

GOLD RECORD BLUES ~ LYRICS

Record in Gold:

lest ye forget

the music

and word

OUCH  A BROKEN BACK HURTS ALL THE TIME. etc., etc, and so on, etc. blah blah wah wah wah 

VS.

STAY IN THE MUSIC AND WORDS...peeeeeeaaaaaacccccccccceeeeeeeeeeeeee

Is everyone sworn in ?

Record your whispering thoughts,

Be they musical, philosophical or sweetly whimsical,

As the mind does slip with time,

And read later you may and be perplexed with words so inspired,

you think you know not or from where they come.

my mind has started slipping

slipping time

as time slips

its slipping

a little here

and there

Pain on the skeletal system,

Strips the energy of the soul,

fucking broken back hurts so bad 24/7,

The power of the engine,

the body weaker,

Then the mind is stressed,

always sharp at the  moment,

However in continual overdrive constantly,

Knowing a body is dying quick.

heart hurts and cant keep its own rhythm any more

and gout, oh sweet gout

sometimes i get to hit the dirt knees first

no warning that i am even about to jump

i must have joined the paratroopers

spinal cord so compressed paraplegic

in the blink of an eye

then i am up again

walking

how oh how?

sweet so sweet,

lord you are

and sleep why

but i need it

or sleep and die

a balance hard to restore

how oh how?

sweet so sweet,

lord you are

and my heart ripped out once again

thrown across the floor

out the door

but you will hurt me nevermore

in fist a cuffs

thats not love

and no excuse to strike

thats not love

how oh how?

sweet so sweet,

lord you are

twas love

i poured from all my fiber

all the strength i had left

you gave me

i struggle on

how oh how?

sweet so sweet,

lord you are

signal to heart cut short

no matter through love loss and

spinal cord compression both

grip the throat a little more

you feel it all day long

and just relax

now breathe

can you?

or are the lights getting turned off again

never know, never know

toughest battle yet

character?

how deep?

how oh how?

sweet so sweet,

lord you are

and the axillary biposy

left right arm nerve damage

fingers always numb

cannot feel pick in hand

and the golf ball they removed from under my arm,

is growing once again

left hand numb too

i never could play music

but rather now listen to instrument screaming

no feeling where I touch

now i finally just begin to play

and stop i cannot

i am finally right where i always wanted to be

how oh how?

sweet so sweet,

lord you are

I do not know cannot remember

I must make a gold record

my mind will surely forget

but can hear my thoughts once more

record a record

record in gold

So pen hits paper,

Strings twang notes,

Words and emotion of musical revelry,

My spirit stays afloat,

It’s all I have,

With friends and family,

For all else is surely lost

and in the meantime forever changed.

how oh how?

sweet so sweet,

lord you are

music helps stay afloat, music helps stay afloat

music helps stay afloat

a little longer

and longer

another beautiful day of life

for if i await another moment

a song or thought may not be set free

to dance on resonating musical waves

time i will waste no more

until heavens door

until that golden door

my time finally thankful for

I see the ship will sink,

and it is sinking fast.

I was certified for S.C.U.B.A at sixteen,

A wreck diver I may finally be at last, my early dream

Never once thinking in my youth of my final voyage,

ever closer now

is me

is ok

how oh how?

sweet so sweet,

lord you are

Maybe I revel on for 10 or 20 more,

Or maybe hang around for 3,

Really does not matter in the bigger picture,

This world makes so plain to see.

pitiful greed

too much misery

10 or 20 what ?

and 3?

years did you read

not written

Forget too often,

Makes you forget more,

question your own mental stanity and sability,

did i read that write, or left perhaps, left me look once more, right?

where am I, i am lost, am i lost

slipping on things once so easily retrieved,

oh yeah,

forgot,

I am 43

how oh how?

sweet so sweet,

lord you are

maybe we all feel this way,

however I do not know,

but if I do not share it like most,

it’s just got no where to go.

how oh how?

sweet so sweet,

lord you are

And I am tired of all the pain,

And I just want to live my dreams,

I was living my dreams and they all just left,

a few weeks ago, honestly

This silly house of cards,

we all architects

how oh how?

sweet so sweet,

lord you are

SO FOCUS SON

no matter I am always thankful,

for the moment that is now,

feeling better already,

mind a little more,

settled down some how

words

magical musical melodious marvelous

moments

are words

are song

twang diddy twang twang . . twang twang!

now quit your bumming out !

remember now, live now, be now

at peace always

as it was at first

always this voyage through time

stronger healing now

don't walk

run,

my precious son

how oh how?

sweet so sweet,

lord you are

I am healed in an instant 

Faith so sweet,

size of mustard seed moving mountains,

my body cannot keep me down,

pass the French's please,

I'd like more then just a seed.

Thankful to be free

how oh how?

sweet so sweet,

lord you are

U.S. Constitution Online

A great place to study.

Literacy and thought will pave the way to a bright future when we work in Peace towards refining and simplifying the massive immobile seemingly ineffective and too often corrupt government upon this mighty foundation.

http://www.usconstitution.net/

United States Post Office ~ Stop The Bleeding, Restructuring Ideas, Etc. ~ Cyborg△Steve

Here is a simple question.

What is the basic financial accounting of the U.S.P.S. and where is it bleeding money?

Obviously, it needs to become defunct if we actually can not run it at least well enough to pay for the services and the salaries and all other business expenses associated with the business end of the post office.

We may need to explore, undoing some of its new technology, self-killing web technology and offerings, and instead of trying to compete with UPS and any other shippers, just do what you do best.

If we need to change it, we need to quickly analyze the numbers, and if they are not readily available, and perhaps they are, I do not know yet, please respond to this with a comment if you know, or even a link...

Off subject...

anyway, if however we need to change or abolish it, we need to first look at where it's bleeding cash in layman’s' terms.

Should this really be that big a deal?

I think they have created their own monster and been inefficient for a very very long time always changing to slow for the actual market speed of change and logistics, law and demand, simple business models to consider too, or rethink and make a new business philosophy that we know will work, and start to make the needed changes immediately.

The things this the government does get away with are ridiculous.

THEY HAVE BECOME RUNAWAY FINANCIALLY LIKE A SNOWBALL GATHERING A HEAD OF STEAM DOWN A MOUNTAIN IN THE ROCKIES IN THE MIDDLE OF AN AVALANCHE...

Is this really unstoppable?

We need to take a good time out, and look at things and make changes very rapidly.

What can we accomplish together here at home much less abroad by spreading the word and accepting global warming, no matter the cause (and we still need to be lowering what we know we do emit effects) be it human or cyclical in nature.

The spirit of we need to change quickly and we need to do it now id the survival of our species for many more generations if preparation oriented towards the future, and always utilizing our technology for good and progress, but maybe even perhaps it could go unused in some marketplaces, bringing "normal" jobs back quickly.

The jobs have gone away, we need to make more.

The prices have gone up.

The companies have a higher profit margin in accounting terms, with fewer liabilities, such as employees to name one, but certainly not limited to just that.

How about a little brainstorm, like...we invite, Post Office makeovers where we group with a company like Starbucks, and have a nice reading and coffee and internet area to relax and socialize.

We have stripped the very soul of our communities across this great country buy our immoral unethical cutthroat business practices of many large corporations, in the worst examples and that is only whom I am writing.

We have all heard the Wal-Mart story a million times and what happens to the small-town U.S.A. when they move in, businesses leave!

That's a fact easily verifiable.

Now they have power because we (the government) gave them that power through economic, trade, and foreign policy matters, issues, and laws that were favorable for them, that they had the vision to take advantage of, and have virtually taken it to a new type of monopoly, not where they corner just a market place now, but larger, to a place where they can control, society, the states, the government, trade.

That is ridiculous and it is not favorable for any business to operate this way ever any longer.

It destroys communities, rips the fabric of the flesh from the soul.

The government does it stupidly and inefficiently with our post office.

Kill two birds with one stone and remake them, hire people to do that work, form a business partnership co/op in which there are incentives to want to invest in the USPS.

Set up new charitable funds, keep it simple, offers no-frills impeccable service, and let's get on with this.

I have blended a few things here, but the quagmire shows something deeper.

Wal-Mart's incentives are obvious. COLD HARD CASH.

The Government on the other hand, does not have the efficiency of business like Wal-Mart, and thankfully not it's nature either, in the way that they look out for the "WE" the People.

They do not have the most efficient system possible when it comes to looking out for the masses in today's modern time that has come upon us so swift; it makes many feel as they just awake.

Denial kills.

They do abuse capitalism with lobbyists, which also are archaic and of no financial good for the people of a country anywhere.

When we see failings and shortcomings, we must change them!

I mean peacefully, of course, but change we must or die we will.

It is time for a massive governmental overhaul. The current administration can run it. It can be planned and well thought out. It can at least be considered and explored first, before being turned away.

Dream of what can be and will be if we decide to make it.

To watch Stephen Hawken's small series the other night was fascinating.

He is able to articulate what I often envision.

It is nice to hear a clearer understanding from him of what can make one feel a little nutty quite honestly.

Just makes you question where do these thoughts come from? Why do they flow non stop?

It has always been like this since I was a child...good great deep thoughts...philosophical in nature, and always blending science and art carefully for a better future.

Our the infrastructure of federal transportation has many places in disrepair all around our infrastructure.

We have a bridge here in Cumberland that cuts through the heart of the city and is elevated and it is getting a great and well-needed makeover, facelift, re-do, whatever you like to call it.

The C.C.C. from administrations of long ago did some work all around here.

Incredible work, that still stands strong to this day.

Made well, by people, yearning to work, be independent and live the American dream.

Perhaps The American Dream has not actually left the building, so to speak, but merely is transforming into a new dream.

Let's all be a part of that dream together and redesign the government together.

The proper way is to do it legally through the current government, as to not upset the Apple cart, but keep our roots and heritage, accept it, move forward with new lessons in mind, and well recorded for historical purposes, which may be taking care of itself today with cloud computing and the internet, to a degree anyway.

There are serious issues at hand with cloud computing too if you know the science of it and see its vulnerabilities and its incredible abilities, easily abused in the business world, because understood by few, it is easily abused, and then they best try to cover or erase their tracks.

Maybe the accounting firms of great financial ruin in the United States had everything right...and the money did not exist because it was skimmed off the top.

Oh...wait that is what happened!

So the accounting firms went don hard too because they became puppets.

We can be puppets and go down hard together too.

I am fascinated with Italy's decision to form a new government.

I have suggested it for quite some time now in my writing.

We as a country need to follow suit and explore the options.

So many topics, but all interwoven, and again a quagmire stew of illusion and failure sprinkled all over the top with a lot of good times over the years.

I am a Patriot, George Mason University, although I did not finish earning my degree, and I am a Federal, Fort Hunt High School and I am a Wolverine, West Potomac High School, and an Owl, Waynewood Elementary School and an Eagle, and a this and a that like we all are.

I enjoy my life and its experiences and opportunities very much, no matter the hat which I may where.

I learn all along the way, and read more than ever before in my life. I study something every day. We all do really, one way or another.

So we could start with the Post Office's and in the meantime gather a National Consensus, about a course of action to take in peaceful and legal ways if we should choose a path as such, or none of it perhaps and continue as we are.

I am not seeing anything positive in any aspect of our economy.

We should be and desperately need to be back in the marketplaces with more dominancy, and in proportion to our population with imports, and in accordance with other populations, as well as, reasonably supply-demand and aspects to be considered, concerning exports and imports both actually.

If need be, make a new marketplace for the future.

We have the means now to be the best bean counters in the history of the world (computers), so there is no excuse for this financial condition, but rather the fact that the simple context of the entire ineptitude of our government and all of it's HOT AIR, are either greed-based (think Rome) on one side or ignorance, through perhaps never be shared with what is the truth in mere knowledge for example (i.e.), and/or because there is no spirit left in which to act and stand up for one's self with fervor and determination, but rather completely sapped of energy, spirit, and all.

That's what I see in a nutshell...so what do you all think?

I would like to hear some great feedback...any point of view appreciated, as more aspects of anything gives us a better bigger picture of the entire thing that we are examining to start with, and we all see things a little differently through experiences eyes and we all have a great uniqueness to each our very own...may we all dig deep and find that now, that essence that is the spirit if the soul of life, and rebuild this great country, before it is too late.

We have city after city with huge modern-day, current time, RUINS.

Does that look like the ship is still afloat? ...or sinking!

Peace, Steve

MobiusTripz ~ New Store...come shop and listen to some free tunes free...enjoy

WIDE AWAKE ~ LYRICS

HERE THE NEW SONG LIVE NOW

FREE DOWNLOAD, share the tunes...peace friends

www.mobiustripz.com

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=11212096&q=hi

Life can kick your ass,
over and over again,
this ass whippin ain't easy,
life's soul can feel so skinned,

naked and exposed, close to death,
lay open, fillet like a perfect picture into view,
when your prone, your prone to deep thought,
prone, to ponder, to search, to seek, to gain wisdom and light,
i feel more prone each night.

Here I find comfort,
where once I ran and hid,
being fourty three ain't nothing,
like being a kid.

Don't take a back seat,
but if you need to enjoy the ride and relax,
takes the reigns then your a driving,
to Kick life back in the ass!

Cannot even begin to imagine,
being sixty~three,
so many more beautiful memories,
and the music I will make and,
substance find these words writing,
more eloquent a sililoqy.

Perhaps I will travel afar,
stopping playing music in many a quaint small town bar,
sharing music with others along this journey,
no matter what I demand to continue to be,
as each we are, a shooting star.

Don't take a back seat,
but if you need to enjoy the ride and relax,
take the reigns then your a driving,
to Kick life back in the ass!

The journey this life has taken is sweet,
sometimes we all need some retreat,
come back stronger, better then ever before,
rise again to prospour peaceful and pure.

Don't take a back seat,
but if you need to enjoy the ride and relax,
takes the reigns then your a driving,
to Kick life back in the ass!

HERE IT LIVE NOW

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=11212096&q=hi

Perfection's Time Machine ~ I make a trip to the past

Here is a fun story...enjoy

some more fun writing of words, thoughts, expression, humor, love and fun...beauty and wonderment to ponder...per chance too dream said ShakeSpeare something close....so...off we go...relax...picture using the mind...read, breathe, enjoy...


Oh what rings in your mind's eye for perfection?

Where is that visual cortex in the mind that projects as a movie camera all of each our known time?

Often flashing replays of long gone thought not remembered memories,

of youth before time even perhaps,

sweet, rejuvenating, reminiscient, beautiful and innocent, timeless silloquies.



Ah, there is perfection!


It is an ideal of the minds eye.

For who has not felt nourishment of the soul when dreaming of perfection?

Who has not been inspired at moments glance passed by before being recognized,

and now inspired,

just to dream a DaVinci like dream of any kind of perfection,

which so ever it is at all.



Seek, and ye shall find something.

Seek Peacefully and share Peace, find Peace

One day all roads travel to perfection.

Enjoy the travel of time friend, passing us by,

or do we pass it?


If indeed we are separate entities passing one another,

for is there not spinning?

Of two or more bodies?

but so multi dimensionally bathed in dynamics, never crossing paths again. or do they,

O' Physics?...sweet fun


Do not all men dream to build time machines,

while at the same time not realizing they are the time machine?

Each of us an intricate mass of multiple interlaced systems and mechanisms,

with thought, and spirit,

and we travel through the very fabric which is space time.


Which of us has not often isolated ourselves out as if we are not included in "the bigger picture".

The EGO makes this such simple will, to be so entwined within thyself,

and who hast ever found freedom here in?

Not me ever close me, my friend.



Yet I know as long as I have lived,

I may be lonely but I am never alone.

We all feel in the same ways, do we not, yet words come between what comically transpires be it man vs. man, or be it nations, worlds, science, art, ad infinitum!

Dynamics are such great keys.

Opening incredible portals of thought, and therefore anything.



I feel at 43, as though I have been in celestial flight for at least 43 years, but honestly, parts of me are as old as time itself.

Are we not made up of fundamental building blocks?

Replaced over time,

time and time again.

the essence of the cliche,"time and time again",

is it's very words itself, perfect.

Time and Time Again.



Does one now thinketh of timelessness and agelessness,

as we cruise together during a same time period, sharing together?


I observe as my Mother is withering,

I am of broken back,

and deep emotional pain of lost love,

that has crushed me yet again,

this time just last 3 weeks ago,

really starting to hurt deep today, very painful emotionally, not physically

but gut turning, and a little anxious

but drained to a degree with no great bounce in my step,

but it is cold, furnace will be fixed this week, and it's dark out

winter begins.



On lost love again,

I am resilient, will shake it off, stand strong no matter,

no matter, standith between the lighteth and eye, I.


And then to suffer the financial pitfalls of a swiftly failing government,

cannot one see the ship is sinking fast?

Mine has sunk, so aboard life boat I am,

and I set sail for new land, lonely, yet never alone.


We have all known this mysterious voyage,

repeating at times unknown,

in a mysterious marvelous changing wave,

washes over all we know,

and leaves a sand beach behind now bare yet once again.


Memories are merely snapshots of times forever gone,

Visions are of things yet to come,

yet why does man often ruin the voyage,

for others,

great joys to come?


I along my path with self,

now ponder deep, regain strength, heal, and plan,

for out I will be re-birthed,

once again, a new man.

with wonderful memories of beauteous times,

and lessons hard learned,

tools to carry forward with grace, love, and Peace.



Life for me has been a hell of a ride,

first memory was jet racing across sky,

then over trees it did fly,

exploded,

the pilot died.



I was in a bassinet, just an infant, but knew,

there was no ejection, and there was death,

wow, how did I process that at all?

I could not speak!



I could think, I heard, I paid attention always,

I learned quick, yet no voice, still an infant,

incredible insatiable curiosity that was fascinatingly calming.


I always wanted out of confines,

I may find rest and solitude in confines,

such as crib, bassinet, or anything that keeps one bound,

explore onward though always I must.


As does time change,

so do I,

and it is time for another flight to depart,

and rebuild the man from the heap of the ashes I am,

cannot I be a Phoenix with just merely the Faith of a mustard seed?


I believe, because I have always wanted to live in Peace, and continue to move forth.


I remember as a child my Father had been shot while serving in Viet Nam.

I knew people died and you never saw them again, and I thought ( as a prayer at the time ), but I do not even know him yet,

please let him stay.

my black cat Tinta comforting me, I prayed.

yet I could not barely speak,

at perhaps a child of now age two, at oldest three.



My life and when I watch The Wall are quite interesting too...in that weird Wall Way!...

everyone identifies with the finest art,

and that fine art speaks for itself,

and the people love the arts always,

or...on and on we are all just bricks in the wall!


We had a 1964 Mercedes 220s blue,

she was happy, safe, and a family vessel of charm,

we had a Mercedes when many had never seen one.

It was like when we stopped,

any gas station made us rock stars!



Look a Mercedes!

Beautiful Mother and Father young and perfect,

child number four along for ride,

Memories of brilliant perfect past times.


In the back seat, sing I would to the radio,

The Beatles Let It Be,

Johnny Cash,

My two favorites and now I am only still two and a half or three.


How do I pick the best of the best?

The Beatles and Johnny Cash?

and a future of music,

my life has always somehow had.


Music has been what keeps me with breath when dying of asthma in the hospital,

or being molested by a man when I was merely twelve,

or losing a friend, too many, too many, to so many tragic things,

as a loss of any friend is tragic,

no matter the circumstance,

and to lose a friend in life, while both still live,

perhaps a more sour note of resonation.


Move forward,

Sports, academia, orchestra, guitar, singing at home or in chorus,

Hammond organ since child hood, one day I'll play it too,

and drums perhaps too, piano, everything,

sing like Ian Anderson and play flute like him, the minstrel.


Then my first concert,

Oct 79 Jethro Tull,

WOW, I am really here,

and hundreds of concerts I would see,

often with Carol my sister, or friends.

Great times always.



Years have passed since that first rokkinroll concert,

thirty two to be exact, plus now a month,

and I play a little flute,

and a little guitar,

and still love and now make some music.



That is the dream to fruition,

anything else would be icing on a cake of perfection,

How else can things be so incredible in slices,

then without some Stephen King'ish an Edgar Allan Poe mellow drama.

Who wouldn't drink and party hard for a while?

going through a blender of incredible life experiences and most tragic experiences all blended together intensely.



All would have happened had I been there or not,

three separate planes kills three friends, one passes in a rock climbing accident,

one is murdered,

the planes again and again,

and i'd like to be a pilot one day still,

later in life...

but even I heard the plane hit the Pentagon on September 11, 2001,

and my Mother's friend's daughter survived the Air Florida crash,

into the Potomac River that  bleak snowy icy wintry day.

Rapid tragedy one after another.



And I am going to college full time, working full time, and partying overtime during the early years of this strangeness that never seemed to leave.

I was abusing myself to a harsh degree at times, however, the waves of pain and tragedy just came,
even during times of sobriety, utter chaos and tragedy,
not that I focused there, because I most certainly did not,
but it visited close and often,
it always has some how.
as it must for us each, however different yet overall the same.

so back in the day...there is a modern expression...gets funnier with each year that passes too as well when I hear it or especially when I use it, or hear a kid 12 say it...where have you been kid?

truth is, where has that kid been?

so back in the day...



Well I know what I did!

Wanna be a rock star, got to live like one.

Illusion, young stupidity,

ignorance walking I could be,

maybe die like one,

best change my ways.


Got a little older,

life moved on,

grew the heck up,

most of the time,

still a rebel inside,


Love to write,

play music,

share and promote peace,

stand strong too,

use knowledge, wisdom, and hear the guide

follow him to the sunset,

hang on tight,

forty three years

so far really just a short magnificent flight.

So it makes me think of Bad Company's Shooting Star song and a story and a video...

first up, great song...and John is really my first name, i go by my middle name, but oddly enough we have a string of guitar players in our family, three or maybe even four are named john...but this song one speaks to me for real, and it fits my age, and my sister use to rock this album non stop when it was originally first released, and I dug Bad Company, and she saw them, and they broke up, re-formed and hit the road, and we saw them together...



The song,

It sings, of me, my dream,

and the pitfalls of rock n roll to avoid,

and I did sing the Beatles as a kid...no other song so closely knits itself to me somehow,

quite amazing, definitely not written about me !

but just feels so perfect,

illusion?...lol

......hang in there and read the rest of this...it's gets strangely interesting and cool...a real story coming, again blending, past, art, writing, picture, video, time.

time, tick, time, tock, time, tick, time, tock

time tick, time talk

talk time talk

tick talk......



SHOOTING STAR ~ that's really great music, and Johnny, just a great choice in writing using a common name.

I am sure many feel as I do of this song and are near my age,

and have lived the life to a degree...hard to pass up jamming with like minded people,

being young, exploring,maxing it out all the time,

over revving the Indy engines limits,

still purring like a kitten the following day,

until it's time to pay the piper,

time to live is short,

live life!



and there is a seat reserved for all of us in death,

please keep mine a long distance away,

and I shall also help by doing my part.

be careful and enjoy the art!

great place to start.

so lyrics...Bad Company - Shooting Star

Johnny was an school boy
When he heard his first Beatles song
Love Me Do, I think it was
And from there it didn't take him long
Got himself a guitar
Used to play every night
Now he's in a rock 'n' roll outfit
And every thing's alright
Don't you know?

Johnny told his Mama,
"Hey, Mama, I'm goin' away
I'm Gonna hit the big time
Gonna be a big star someday"
Mama came to the door
With a teardrop in her eye
Johnny said, "Don't cry, Mama,
Just smile and wave goodbye"
Don't you know?

Yeah......yeah.....

(Chorus)
Don't you know that you are a shooting star
Don't you know
Don't you know
Don't you know that you are a shooting star
And all the world will love you just as long
As long as you are

Johnny made a record
Went straight up to number one
Suddenly everyone loved
To hear him sing his song
Watchin' the world go by
Surprisin' it goes so fast
Johnny looked around him and said,
"Well, I made the big-time at last"
Don't you know?
Don't you know?

(Chorus)
A shooting star

Don't you know that You are a shooting star
Don't you know?
Don't you know that You are a shooting star
And all the world will love you just as long
as long as you are

Johnny died one night, died in his bed
Bottle of whiskey, sleeping tablets by his head
Johnny's life passed him by like a warm summer day
If you listen to the wind you can still hear him play

(chorus)
Don't you know that You are a shooting star
Don't you know?
Don't you know that you are a shooting star
Don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you know
Don't you know that you are a shooting star

Don't you, don't you know that you are a shooting star

then there is this link to a video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VD2BwwGE9uo

go to 2:03 min into the song...

sure looks like me when I met Mick Brown from Dokken...

he is behind me, and we are dresses similar, and I have my fresh tatts, sleeves rolled up like I always use to do...

we laughed together that night because we dressed alike, partied alike, acted like Keith and Mic for a bunch of folks and had them on the floor...good times...that was right when we met...

so anyways I see this video, because I love this song...and then bam...I sure think that is me and him...very strange indeed...trippy ...I do not know the person who made the video or posted it, so it's for now a mystery, that is indeed funny...love to meet up with Mick and George again and talk tunes...that was like blasting off !

there is a snap from the vid...vid is larger and easier to see...pretty wild story...strange...

so I had been sober over a year and a half...married and seperated if all my memory serves me right, and Dokken was in town and I am going to see them !

and my buddy runs the place, I have no idea, he hooks me up to meet with them...was very cool of him.

And the guys from the band were great, all of them, but George and Mick were who I spent time with, mostly pounding Budweiser long necks with Mic...

I can even see my tatt work still saying my then wife's name, which has since been covered, and it was my first tatt work...so timing and everything is correct for this pic to be taken on or about 4-97 thru 7-97...fourteen years ago.

Was a great find, because I had no pics of meeting him...I even see an open guitar case in the video picture as reflected in the mirrors in the room.

So this concludes another fun trip to the past as well as a great writing exercise...I hope someone gets something positive out of this...I sincerely do

I need the reflections of the past, lets me know I am getting closer to becoming an even brighter shooting star!

and we are all shooting stars, don't you know! yeahhh yeahhhh

live well, travel well through this life

peace and love friends,

steve

John Stephen Swygert
       "rokkinroll"
               of
       MobiusTripz