Depersonalization ~ Lyrics / Poetry ~ Mobius∆Tripz

I never understood the saying I was beside myself

until I was beside myself

I couldn't believe from over here I could see me over there or how I was over there and simultaneously here

rip in space-time another dimension or simply depersonalization exploration?

Am I now a out of body astronaut, a soul looking at myself I don't even like that over there sot

how can I be both here and there and not even really care

I wasn't even so engaged to think much about it or stare

amazing as it kind of was I realized it what I wanted needed and had previously in my mind repeatedly dated

man I wish I wasn't me

I wish I was over there

could you believe not being me

why am I talking to you and you talking to me when we are one having a conversation about two but both are within me beside ourselves 

what's happening 

what's happening 

what's happening 

now I know neither of you

I steer away as though your both contagious 

further I push the envelope of separation 

and mail myself as far away on deep discerning desperation

what's happening 

what's happening 

what's happening 

 

this is ground control to Major Tom 

are you coming back home

or just floating weightless further and further away

knowing yourself less and less each day

can you hear me myself

can you see me anymore me

do you know who's talking to you

and who is talking back too

in the mirror not even a face

drifting further away in space

what a disappearing pace

beside myself a different life taste

I couldn't believe from over here I could see me over there or how I was over there and simultaneously here

until I was beside myself

I never understood the saying I was beside myself

I never understood the saying I was beside myself

until I was beside myself

I never understood the saying I was beside myself

until I was beside myself

I never understood the saying I was beside myself

until I was beside myself

I never understood the saying I was beside myself

until I was beside myself

I never understood the saying I was beside myself

until I was beside myself

I never understood the saying I was beside myself

until I was beside myself

Dissociation ~ Poetry / Lyrics ~ Mobius∆Tripz

Everywhere I go, there I am
I just need a vacation
A daycation
I can’t stand any more staycation

I need weed, propofol, Thorazine, DMT
Anything to make me leave me
Let this trapped soul launch away temporarily
From this jail-cell body torturing me

I want to be free
No stress, no abuse, no pain
No psychological misery
No repeating filmstrips in my head—tragedy

No God damn voice within
Cursing me with words
Or cursing at me in words
Anymore, please, permanently

Leave
Leave
Leave
Leave

Leave
Leave
Leave
You’re not a fucking part of me

Not a fucking part of me
Part of me
You’re not a fucking part of me
Not a fucking part of me

Part of me
Dissociation
Dissociate
Disappear and dissipate

I don’t want to return
It’s time to part the pearly gates
But what if I get repelled
And sent back to myself—me

Me, me, me
Me, me, me
Me, me, me
Me, me, me

Me, me, me
Me, me, me
Or oh my God—noooooooooooooo
Purgatory

Purgatory
Purgatory
No, this can’t be happening to me
Not purgatory

No, I can’t enter
St. Peter’s turning me away
Just because I dissociated
Needed a vacay

Vacay
Vacay
Vacay
Vacay, vacay, vacay

Vacation, vacation, vacation
Vacay, vacay, vacay
Vaycay
Vayvay

Vaycay
It’s about time I get myself back to me
Am I dreaming or dissociating?
I’m up here looking down, floating

This might be the permanent end of me
In this body
What are these doctors doing to me?
Now why are they stopping doing anything to me?

Mottling
Not breathing
Not gasping
Not wheezing

All I wanted was to temporarily dissociate from me
From myself—me, oh my, oh me
From myself—me, oh my, oh me
Me, oh my, oh me

Me, oh my, oh me
Me, oh my, oh me
Me, oh my, oh me
Me, oh my, oh me

Me, oh my, oh me

Anhedonia ~ Lyrics / Poetry ~ Mobius∆Tripz

I met Anhedonia
A goddess on a throne
A succubus amidst all unknown
The rest of the good life is history

It started out perfection, bliss, Nirvana
Heavenly, beautiful, dreamy, and perfect for me
Then the greatest aspects of life started misleading me
Leaving me

Betraying me and stabbing, bleeding me
Feeding on me, slowly slaying me
Anhedonia
Why, oh why, did you lie?

How was I so naive?
I believed
To believe is naive
How was I so naive?

Why, oh why, did you lie?
Anhedonia
PTSD—I can’t see the present or the future
Just tragedy in my life replaying persistently, incessantly, constantly, repeatedly, relentlessly, excessively, suicidally

Oh please
Anhedonia
Why did you root this in me
And steal from me the promises you gave to us, to we, to me?

What the hell is happening to me?
Happening to me
Happening to me
Happening to me

To me
To me
To me
Me, me, me

Me, me, me
Me, me, me
Me, me, me
Me, me, me

Me, me, me
Me, me, me
Anhedonia and me
Promises that delivered misery

Succubus took my everything
To my beautiful, perfect ordinary
Which for granted I took
Now I’m in PTSD, miserably, suicidally

Anhedonia
She stole it all from me
That goddess succubus
She stole it all from me

That goddess succubus
She stole it all from me
That goddess succubus
She stole it all from me

Naively I gave it to her willingly

Addiction ~ Poetry / Lyrics ~ Mobius∆Tripz

I can’t
Can’t, can’t, can’t, can’t, can’t, can’t
Stop this insanity
Can’t, can’t, can’t, can’t, can’t, can’t
Stop this insanity

Trapped, living inside, deep in me
Driving me
Stealing from me
Reading me
Teasing me
Lying to me
And then pleasing me

Addicted, addiction, addition subtracted from me
I’m less and less of all I’ll ever be
And it pleases this part of me
Broken part of me
Broken part of me
Broken part of me

I please religiously
Serve indefinitely
Give and give more than I have
And it takes more from me and others too
A hungry, sinister, monstrous brew
That still fucking pleases me

Oh my God
Oh my God
Oh my God
It pleases this broken part of me
While stealing from and killing me
It pleases this broken part of me

And I serve it incessantly
Religiously
Forever weak on my knees
Not praying, but cursing and swearing—a slave
Serving this addiction miserably
Lying about how much it pleases me

This broken part inside says over and over
It pleases me
As I gray away and slowly, more quickly, decay
And the voice of the broken part inside gets louder
Demanding we are almost free

And this will be exactly what ultimately piques and pleases me
This trajectory
This destiny

I serve it dutifully
While it’s killing me

Addiction
Behavioral addiction
It’s killing me
Slowly, more quickly, killing me

A payment plan for misery
A payment plan I choose freely
That’s killing me
As it says it’s pleasing me

Morbid, stinking, decaying flesh
Death from within
This addiction consumes me
As it’s killing me from the inside out

And says

It’s pleasing me
It’s pleasing me
It’s pleasing me
It’s pleasing me
It’s pleasing me
It’s pleasing me

Attention Fragmentation ~ Poetry / Lyrics ~ Mobius∆Tripz

Shattered—a million pieces, sharp and jagged
Cutting, bleeding, seething, dripping, oozing
Slowly dying, gasping, wheezing
Slowly, more slowly, breathing

Dying
Dying
Dying
Dying
Dying
Dying
Dying

That’s my attention and how it exists
Inside this realm of fucking me!

Fucking me
Fucking me
Fucking me
Fucking me
Fucking me
Fucking me

Me, me, me
Me, me, me
Me, me, me
Me, me, me
Me, me, me
Me, me, me

That’s my attention and how it exists
Inside this realm of fucking me!

Dying
Dying
Dying
Dying
Dying
Dying
Dying

Slowly, more slowly, breathing

Shattered—a million pieces, sharp and jagged
Cutting, bleeding, seething, dripping, oozing
Slowly dying, gasping, wheezing

Shattered—a million pieces, sharp and jagged
Cutting, bleeding, seething, dripping, oozing
Slowly dying, gasping, wheezing

Shattered—a million pieces, sharp and jagged
Cutting, bleeding, seething, dripping, oozing
Slowly dying, gasping, wheezing

Shattered—a million pieces, sharp and jagged
Cutting, bleeding, seething, dripping, oozing
Slowly dying, gasping, wheezing

Shattered—a million pieces, sharp and jagged
Cutting, bleeding, seething, dripping, oozing
Slowly dying, gasping, wheezing

Shattered—a million pieces, sharp and jagged
Cutting, bleeding, seething, dripping, oozing
Slowly dying, gasping, wheezing

Technostress ~ Lyrics / Poetry ~ Mobius∆Tripz

Ragged nerves, can’t sleep, anxiety
I’m going crazy, I need counseling
Somebody to look inside of me
Techno stress

Techno stress
Techno stress
Techno stress
Techno stress
Techno stress
Techno stress

Inside of me
I need you to look inside of me
Get inside of me
Inside of me

Look, look, look, look, look, look
Inside, inside, inside
Look, look, look, look, look, look
Inside, inside, inside

Inside of me
Inside of me
Inside of me
Inside of me
Inside of me
Inside of me

Frazzled, frizzled, graggled, grizzled
Crackled, crackled, going insane
Insane
Insane

Insane
Insane
Insane
Insane

Counseling, again, again, again
Frizzled, frazzled, frizzled mind dripping, drizzled
Grizzled, grizzled, grizzled
Nerves tattered, sinews ripped, hurting—so grizzled

Grizzled
Grizzled
Grizzled
Grizzled
Grizzled
Grizzled

Techno stress
Freaking out, hair falling out, shouting out
Techno stress
My mind’s all out of control, all out, money all out

Techno stress
Techno stress
Techno stress
Techno stress

Techno stress
Techno stress
Techno stress
Techno stress
Techno stress
Techno stress

Look inside of me
Do you have my password?
My algorithm?
My freedom key?

Confirmation Bias ~ Poetry / Lyrics ~ Mobius∆Tripz

You don't see what's behind you or me
You're blind internally and externally
They're creeping up fast upon you now
Your confirmation bias holds your vision down

Down into the ground
A closed mind always goes
No fight, no wisdom, no life desire
Just, “Oh no, I know, I know, I know”

Go on with your bad self and your bag of chips
You're sad and can't see what a dumb shit and stupid dip
You make yourself out to be
And then you complain and whine and cry to me?

You don't see what's in front of you or me
You're blind internally and externally
Lee, lee, lee
Lee, lee, lee

Lee, lee, lee
Lee, lee, lee
They're walking up to your naked, naive face and upon you now
Your confirmation bias holds your vision down...

Into the display
The display
The display
The display

Display
Display
Display
Played