Wasted Energy title ~ Furious Rants & Raves subject ~ Rants of a MadMan collection

I was just thinking to myself how much wasted energy manifest I am today. I have been Furious since I left the doctor's office that's 3 hours of Fury... wow what a waste of goddamn energy and when I'm sick on top of it you see what I'm saying... I'm just so disgusted in so down right now I'm just so so so tired of feeling this day in and day out I'm tired and quickly I feel like I'm aging old so fast right before my very eyes quicker than ever before and it seems like everything else that's reality starts with drawing farther away that's what's happened before when that which comes next for all of us draws closer and it is distance there I will make soon to push that again further away and it's the energy wasted today that seems to distort the space-time around us and indeed draw that certain destiny closer fast as opposed to again using that energy and such positive ways and pushing it further and further further down that linear timeline that we indeed fly along upon.

Deep Dark Lamentations ~ Excerpt ~ I Am Program

I've only hurt the ones I really loved, because you can't hurt the ones you don't care about,
and that don't care about you.

I also forgive one day when I move forward,
learn how to and I am so very imperfect In this very imperfect world,
feeling like a geometric shape that doesn't have a place to fit anywhere.

Even when I am in a group of misfits,
I cannot be that one more,
I cannot morph into that one more,
misfit to fit in.

I am meant for long dark lonely lamentations,
but at least here at this quiet peaceful place I am not consistently kicked down, by just the natural dynacysm of everyday life.

For a time,
I had never felt so revved up since my twenties,
and now nearing fifty,
I am feeling as though I have never felt so revved down,
I'm not depressed but I'm going to be,
And i am just physically ill,
and have been for a very, very long time,
and it beats the spirits down,
to even one that is strong,
has weak points or downturns,
until new plateaus, even lower than before,
get held for periods of time,
on that certain way down,
these plateaus are found.

In youth,
we soared upwards,
So aging and older now,
the idea is to gracefully glide downward, into  a steady and peaceful landing,
as long and as far as we can all fly away,  together from this point right now,
right here !
Always stronger together.

I'm holding on,
it's all I can do,
I'm holding on,
I'm looking for each of you,
I'm holding on,
and everything that I do,
so many projects,
of course I'm never going to finish,
highly over committed,
but I never quit,
and if I never quit,
perhaps that one that lurks in the dark shadows cannot steal me too quick away,
like so many of my friends rapidly increasing his kill count,
too.

We continue to kind of all calmly run like hell,
this Grim Reaper bitch always on his and her way,
all just going about life as if $$$ matters in denial,
time wasted not helping others,
the great leveling of all,
most definitely on its way,
in the end,
as in the beginning,
all again equal,
as in birth as in death,
the cycle complete starts over,
time in the mind's eye,
unable to fathom the time to make a diamond,
one day all perfected,
impervious and clear,
strong and with purpose,
stunning and respected,
we will all become diamond like perfected,
with wings upon beams of light upon which to fly.

I cannot go out and to enjoy the sunshine, and I could not less than three hours little drive take,
much less walk up 13 steps when I am of my own chemical makeup can I even make,
and most often I am hiding in my bed because it's there where I think rest and heal,
once upon a while,
occasionally but not regularly like the rest of you,
I might even consume and have half a meal,
my dog the other she is happier and healthier when we share and commune,
As i try my best to recuperate,
and with this Earth's flow cooperate,
as I'm a fighter,
and I fight, fight, fight,
and with passion for others,
and love that is deep and how much I care about so many beautiful things that is this life of course worried on top of it all I am to trying my best to fit in a little bit of love shared for each of you,
but all too often now,
I am only seen in person really a miserable wreck,
and that is not the person I want you to remember,
so please,
if I have not been at my best,
If I've acted out,
I've been an ass I must confess,
Please forgive and forget,
I'll make my misgivings up to you each,
most certainly,
it's nothing personal,
I'm fighting for my life,
an actor putting on his faces,
happy each morning the eyes awake,
and the conscience comes into focus with I,
again another day,
it is these our dreams we together chase.

There are many mornings like this, wher all I do is think,
and pray about places like Hyndman, Pa,
my birth state,
and what happened yesterday,
and I think of all of my friends that reach out to me,
be it reaching for me to give them a hand up,
while I am reaching for another woman or man on my other side looking for my own hand up,
together we have all fallen down and now must all stand up
of course is difficult when there is nothing but chaos all around,
it was promised that there would be days like these,
and you cannot run and you cannot hide because they will continue and they will come at you faster and faster and in rapid succession,
like it's 3:58 a.m. right now,
and I heard a lawnmower running outside !!!

I'm not kidding,
but sleep, it tonight as this morning,
is not for me,
and ahead good things for me do wait,
While heavy upon my shoulders to others problems and just my entire life, weigh,

Blessed am I that I walk each day,
appearances I must continue to make, like my father before me I will not give up however it is my own dearest of plans that I cannot keep with him that I've often made,
as time not in our favor,
more and more rapidly further ticks away,
as I continually stumble and get up,
and stumble and get up,
and stumble and get up,
and I am tired of these lessons my Lord, please give me a break !!!
but just for one day I pray.

You know it's always said we should be careful for what it is that we ask.

I am tired and I am frustrated and the doctors doing their best,
they are giving me a chemical ride,
and they told me it would not be easy,
indeed it would be often rough,
but we're trying to flush the invaders out, get out these nasty cells corrupt,
and heal.
So I pretend as I go about my life,
I love in denial,
thinking that way and this while I stretch my weary mind,
like an old computer taking too long to wake up,
I am becoming that next one that won't be able to ever again,
and one last day everybody will think about me before I am placed away back inside of Mother Earth,
sound and safe.
I do not want a box,
or any of that b******* along with a grave, I just want my body donated to the FBI farm,
studied by science while in Tennessee,
what can I give back and so offer,
one last act of some type of significance ?,
of which,
I can always be wondering and at least in my human life remain forever about this ending ignorant,
and of course this makes me cry
and cry, and cry, and cry,
but these chemicals must be flushed out,
you know that when these things happen,
there is a smile upon my face,
as flashes of each one of your faces appears smiling back in rapid succession before me,
I've seen God's face,
I'm cheating the reaper a while longer,
I'm running thus far a brilliant race,
matters not if in this end here he catches me,
as he does so my soul escapes,
where he is forever trapped the master of this realm we call reality,
he will away erase us each all so never good enough for Satan,
after all really,
who can be good enough for him?

What words would you yourself use to describe it to others ?,
to read a millineum or more years from now?,
how you describe what you are certain is life,
and what do you hold as highest ?,
above all other in your life,
this one here that will not fail you ever,
this one mankind honors over and over,
different clothing, colors, languages, prayers, saviors, saints,
ad infinitum,
but if your life were you depend upon it,
in a thousand words or less,
describe precisely to me today your certainties​ which all you hold as true but 100% intangible,
of nothing real to offer to place in my hand what so ever,
however with nothing in reality a faith to go forward with,
And bor a forever promise of live in my heart, and life here after garaynteed in a world where other this garaynteed certainly have disappointed,
how would you know if you were wrong?,
what's the price truth be told that's is all reality Iver and over again in so many religions,
we all change,
dynamics,
nothing forever this way come identical again,
but constant and the answer to that which in science of the most learned cannot be quantified,
no doubt is,
He,
the Beginning and the Ending,
the Alpha and the Omega,
each a part of all which He made,
physical and intangible,
all that is and is not,
!

Are we and all our surround not all pure and perfect Mathematics ?

Everybody out there,
In health has been or will be,
where I have been,
or I am going to be,
if you live on the Earth long enough,
illness has been my Lot,
just let me tell you,
I promise you,
you can be reborn ,
if you do not ever give up,
and so do not put into your body things that are so corrupt,
and do not associate with people that are so corrupt,
and understand that there are many beautiful religions to choose from,
and it is these positive principles that we should live by,
that we will not become corrupt,
and it is our way of life that we share with others and by way of setting example,
we should show others that this is how to at least not be corrupt,
for perfect examples human being are  in able to be,
but properly directed,
and through hope,
soon that indeed my own cup again may selfishly runneth over,
if which I promise to diligently a good steward both capture and share as I appreciate these blessings to share,
and soon I will share more than just bread,
with thee, and the, and thee.

In my Human Experience,
personally I have a great debt to offer back,
and although I do not know how that ever will be something of a financial reality,
I continue to pray,
that through acts of faith at least, somehow,
that "stuff" will become a part of me and my story,
all by goes repaid and absorbed into the past  fabric of space time  soon lessons not forgotten  but not stressed upon or hurting another most importantly,
too much poor business with a friend, almost always a promise I'll tell you through myself witness I indeed testify, turns foe,

So for $$$,
they beat a man down and make him feel as there is no wherever safe to go.
Trying to make up for lost time,
I have no time for grammar here upon your eyes,
or in the life where we all take strides,
and only in one direction can we now go,
at least in a physical linear sense of reality,
until it is time for the ultimate good riddance,
and when we are so humbled,
which way then shall we go ?,
because there will be another linear plane perpendicular to the one we are upon now,
and then the choices are not yours but indeed about you,
no freedom for your soul from your vessel you depart,
at the speed of light bow faster,
no anchor,
through the black hole of this galaxy,
your destiny unfolding at this juxtapostion in life,
once, these frozen moments indelible near death,
I thought right there I sat so many times,
just before the launching of matter from that black hole,
all matter recycled,
a nuclear furnace​ recycling galaxy,
So now in an instant your spirit so free,
you burn in hell upon orangy lakes of fire or you are slingshotted through The Ether and into the heavens,
as you gather with your Forever beloved friends and more importantly always honoring that ultimate spirit and practicing this principle today,
that's how you build faith,
and that's why the way alongside asking, that anyone upon the doors to Heaven,
will ever be let in.

It matters not what you have with you when you get to the Pearly Gates but what you had done on your way.

I want to stay up on this X and Y when you're playing,
as Pythagoras would have called it,
and not be lifted up or offered below,
for as long as I can make my body go and go,
and the principles I am practicing to the best of my ability,
and forgiveness I seek as I offer myself upwards toward your deeds.

I feel sometimes as though in my defense,
at glass houses I have been lobbing entire boulders,
not just casting stones,
I feel that I have been under assault,
and I strike back to protect all that I know, love, and share with others, and call home.

These are my rants,
in the morning with God as I listen to my fan calming soothing background noise,
and I speak to him out loud,
exercising my healing voice which soon will again like a bird so easily sing,
because I love this life and want to celebrate with all the gifts so offered me.

Once I did so easily celebrate with these gifts in youth,
however i did so without respect in this fun and event filled time of Iver rrevelry and personal abuses,
nearly ruined,

I believed in healing and rising above,

...and now i hope and pray,
that I will continue upon that way,
which of course shall set us all free. Shared destines are certainly up ahead, forward the voyage is personal,
and individual upon the way.

There is a work truck this early morning, up and down Waverly Terrace,
this truck that sounds like a lawn mower when it goes quickly down my street backwards in Reverse until it gets to the stop sign,
and then on their way to work,
almost like clockwork,
not perfect and regular,
but often enough and random and inconsistent,
like a dozen times you can count on in a month,
so no need to walk and peer out the window,
because I listen to all that is around me always.

As my mind continues to play several symphonies at once,
two hemispheres constantly communicating,
all systems sensing input and adjustments  being made on the fly,
and now my medicine finally taking effect,
I feel a general at ease and I am falling back into that groove that everybody knows as me,
and at least for now for 48 hours I shall be well upon my way,
and it is very odd but this is indeed my new pace.

It seems that for 24 hours I am on,
and I can run my race,
and then for 24 hours it's down time and refuel,
and then get ready again.
We are all distance runners,
once you are 50 or close,
because upon half a century and more of life you want,
because with a lust and zeal for life alongside respect for it as well,
you do feel and believe your cup runneth' over,
and sublimely nearing Nirvana,
gain perfect clarity.

Excerpt ~ I Am Program

Evil POS Corrections Officer Needs To Go to Prison and Lose His Job On the Way

This white man is an evil piece of s*** !!!

He should be charged and placed in custody of the state through the court system and jailed immediately because he is absolutely a threat to society !!!

This is the exact precise type of actions that get innocent people killed for example, the man who was just riding along when this a****** illegally pulled in front of him on the street !!!

He then caused the confrontation, as he got out of his truck and walked over to the man, the second wrong thing he did, thus far.

You give a piece of s*** like this a gun and a job and he thinks he can use it anywhere.

I know a little bit about this because I earned my degree in college studying these topics exactly. I have a degree in science with a major in police science, and what this man does, this white man who thinks he's privileged, is all illegal !

I guarantee you if that had been a white teenager riding along on his four wheeler, nothing would have happened !!!

But this cockamamie a****** goes back to his truck and grabs a gun... !!!

Like are you kidding me... ???

This is ridiculous !!!

It's hard to believe the son of a b**** is even a corrections officer because pretty much everything he does is the opposite of what training would teach you.

This is no kind of man that should be working in law enforcement anywhere at any level at any position, even administratively as it is his core character that is corrupt, this is a man that needs to be behind bars because he is an evil threat to society !!! He needs to stay behind bars until he can truthfully understand how absolutely wrong and flawed his way of thinking and being is in its entirety !

The laws and the privileges of our country and each state should never have any men like this working within that system and it's far too many men like this within that system that have corrupted what was once a legitimate system throughout ... which I will say is today corrupted nearly throughout.

I know many wonderful women and men in law enforcement and I have many wonderful professors from my studies as well and I have paid attention since those days of earning my degree and I have done my due diligence all along and what my education tells me and what science tells me is to look at the facts and I have been looking at these facts since 1990.

I look at these self-evident truths all around all the time in the United States of America and they discussed me because this is not the country that I live in at least in so far as what I mean by that is I don't want others to think we are this terrible all of the time but unfortunately it's far too often and seemingly escalating and more unfortunately than anything costing lives like this man you could have been shot and killed here as well as becoming accepted which scares me more than anything.

You have to remember we also live in a day and Edge today where we have more men and women incarcerated in the United States of America than we do in any other time in recorded history !!!

Our population is only headed upwards towards 3 billion soon so that number is only going to increase if we don't shift the paradigm, and within lies the rub !

What is the new paradigm that should be set forth? Nobody knows at this point nor has tried to be Progressive enough to do anything that would help our fellow man who is behind bars as well as correct our culture who produces these criminals.

We have deep systemic cultural problems in the United States of America and if they are not addressed with each decade that passes they will only be more deeply ingrained for further Generations and the only more complicated a problem to undo as we move forward never getting easier, but never being easier simple to begin with.

I'll just say it this way how many more black people need to be shot by white people for us to realize that we have a serious problem in this country that is deeply ingrained into our culture and into our systems.

I am proud to be an American but at the same time I am very sad and disappointed to be an American today... when I thought we had been making so much progress and then I see some piece of s*** redneck like this... and so many others damn it... that just ruin it for everybody else, and some of those people permanently no like this man almost found out... and damn it what does it take to change this kind of ignorance ?

I doubt you'll get a chance to read this anyway but I will post it because it comes without thought first and only straight from my heart and with passion because I am furious and something has got to stop this kind of ignorance !!!

We expect that the court system will do the right thing now but they're already failing and we know law enforcement is going to fail because they're going to take care of their guy here even if he's just a corrections officer because that's the way the system works and it's already proven because this man's not been charged at least as asserted and set forth in this video.

I purposefully made this statement because I have so many friends in law enforcement and I hope you most especially will make a statement about these things to or else you are failing it is time to speak up and if I am wrong tell me exactly and precisely where and why.

That guy could have just cruised right along as he had the right of way and even if it was illegal for that to be on that road it was nobody's job on this scene to do anything about it except make a phone call.

So looking at all those benefits of the doubt my point ultimately is none of this should have happened as it did and most of America thinks that this is all acceptable as well as most of America won't even make that statement because everybody is scared today.

How do we Rise Above This in move past all of this United because we have many divisive entities that are trying to take us down and we need to understand today that we need to be stronger as a country and stand together and I'm scared videos like this are going to further hurt our Unity as a country and I do not want to see our country fail I want to see our country learn and evolve and become by far hands down the greatest country in the world as we have been for so long... but I'm not sugar-coating anything.

To give majun your cruising Along on your little ATV and all of a sudden this guy pretends I mean he really acts like you're driving too fast after he's pulled into your right away and after you defend yourself and try to keep a safe distance this son of a b**** gets a gun look at quick that could be you in that situation or something just like it because that's the America we live in and that's not a joke !!!

Thank God above all this man did not get murdered !!!

Now there has to be Justice there must be Justice !!! And I'm not talking about the guy just gets thrown in jail and all that we already know that's going to happen there has to be a wholesale shift of our culture at long last to say that we are not going to tolerate this !!!

It also comes in the form of my publishing here does not get taken away and so I have put this on my blog also anyway it doesn't really matter I'm not going to be controlled by Mark Zuckerberg or Facebook or anybody else because nobody will ever take away my basic freedom to speech so it matters not who likes what I write but what's important is that eyes will see this and souls shall be cast permanently in one way or the other.

I know where I stand and I can't tolerate this kind of pure outrageous disregard for the law on just a huge multitude of levels in this one single instance !!! I think it could appear to single-handedly show corruption just because this corrections officer looks to almost be getting away with near murder so think about that and you know what this son of a b**** needs to pay for what he's done and I don't mean in any irrational ways I mean in very rational one precise ways where this man will have his own Freedom taken from him for a length of time so that he can sit on his ass and think about his absolute disregard for human life and the law that he has respected member of the law enforcement Community himself should hold in the highest of regard and set examples.

I'm also very thankful to the very technology that is showing the world the truth !!!

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10155107051464051&id=141937439050

Jettisoning ~ I Am Program

Yesterday I jettisoned more of those poor old archaic ideas that no longer work along with shedding some of my terrestrial body as I rebuild myself with only better and better fuel that of nourishment for my physical well-being and that of nourishment for my soul and I am looking to find great balance and to strengthen myself to Heights I have never known before this time in my life now but also with reasonable expectations based upon the vessel I inhabit which I have inventoried quite well.

I don't have to wait for the next life to be reborn Jesus Christ guarantees me I can have a new life today and that is not alive so if you take in a breath no matter the condition you're in if there is fight left within you fight and fight and fight but know how to ask for help and when and where and use your energy towards healing in distancing yourself from negatives before someone else does it for you.

Life is about leaping over hurdles or going to war or having incredible circumstances that are insurmountable and it is these moments we involve or we don't. I'm not talking about little wimpy things I'm talking about the things in life that you need massive support networks for and reinforcements far above and beyond your own coping mechanisms which as each of us left as individuals is certain to fail far earlier than we are if we are to have a network upon which to share support.

And in a greater way in a positive looking forward way think of those things that will be when we are plugged into these incredible support networks and we are contributing members and we are learning from the members that just look to appear so natural as they serve these volunteer positions because I'm not talking about getting paid here.

It's also something else to see everybody's different boundaries and interpretations of what common bylaws are for example and what are conflicts of interest for example versus what aren't and to have respect for one another is of the utmost importance because I know none other that I have walked in their shoes nor none that have walked in my own and therefore I know I am not to judge as others I wish would not judge myself and I know these lessons I have learned not just because I have read them or heard them but because I haven't lived them in most indelibly felt them.

I stand up for what I believe in and so I can get ostracized I guess of my own choosing which I could really care less so obviously it's of my own choosing but I'm not going to lie and I'm always going to stand by the side of those that are doing what is right and what is the best for a community for example and I am very idealistic although I understand and a realistic world we have to play some cut fruit games and trust me I'm good at those too.

On patients look at the very last few words from the sentence above because there's Karma and in a karmic reality that we also live in kind of as a parallel reality just in philosophy because it's the mind that interprets the reality that's around us and that is 100% scientific fact so since we each interpret this reality around us well I know from observing and from watching others and from knowing my own self from experience that what comes around does indeed go around it is just basic science and studying equilibrium for example if you want to understand it in the light of physics more or in the light of anything because that law applies everywhere at least in the universe as we understand it today, indeed if we are observing elsewhere we may observe something where everything is completely 100% different than this spiraling golden formula Galaxy we are cruising along in within this planetary system just a few planets over in this nice warm cozy spot oboy lucky us !!!

Ever since birth I dream of that place and going up there I want so much to go to space one day and I really did send NASA a letter a few years ago saying that I will give them the rest of my life if they'll give me a new spine and they can blast me off tomorrow and I'll be the first to go. I hope they recognize my name and put some things together in their heads and realize this guy's pretty crafty and we ought to get him off the Earth because he's costing us too much money to keep around and he's feisty as hell and never gives up and it probably be perfect to send there.

It's amazing to listen to one person's version of their own reality is they tell it to somebody else and especially if you're in a group of friends and everybody else already knows what they're telling is not the fool true picture but the truth is we each of you ourselves a different way and then each of the other views us a different way again perspective. I keep bringing it up because it's important so that we will stay out of the personal things that we get so embroiled in that we want to rip each other to shreds and for what Earthly good I never understand?

I'm personally tired of stigmas and I am tired of being hurt I could care less about being ostracized and I'm ready to leave this parcel soon as I again jettison more of this vessel and Escape Into The Ether that Tesla new of so well and I weave my way through the antimatter and the black matter the other parts of the 110 trillionth of this incredible electromagnetic projection from which we are projections upon projections upon projections or what I call Super Holograms and that we are alive here within suggest that yes there is source and it is that place that I will go and in death it is that portal we step through first towards that Journey which never ends and at least there's great peace to know there only will be greater and better more beautiful things to come but with those laws of equilibrium and balance first learn your lessons well before that final departure upon which we do not choose 4 to sin against yourself and the maker at the very essence of your being is to deny one last and final time his greatness in the love he has for you over tumultuous life circumstances no matter what your walk and that is not judging any other man that is just a matter of fact.

I don't know who will read this or when or where but this is my letter in my last paragraph before I depart I kind of will be in a hyperloop but it's a vertical hyperloop and believe it or not it's built of these nanotechnology fibers that use space elevators in the vertical hyperloop structure with super electromagnetic propulsion systems of course that make the time to get into the moon and Mars almost next to nothing especially with the new perfected microwave Drive and I will just tell you this those who will be left behind are those that just say that there are laws and rules against all of this...well, is their mind somehow just too little too dream?

What would Noah say?

We may never know but there are New Horizons and they are ahead and that is where I shall go or am I already there?

I Am Program

An Adventure Retrieving My Range Rover from Grantsville, Maryland

I just want to start saying that this journey started in Grantsville and my destination in the Range Rover was Cumberland Maryland about 16 miles away of a massive Journey but an uncertain one with the vehicle not having been test-driven but I knew exactly what I was getting into prepared again my point hear about all of this morning ething is The Beautiful People of Grantsville and I say some things below that are rather harsh about Cumberland where I live but I absolutely adore and love my hometown and it is exactly what I thought it was when I moved here a beautiful historic City that was in George Washington's Mind's Eye and reality and something that I wanted to experience for myself in the beauty here is just Second To None to me personally and it far outshines anything nasty however the nasty is nasty and that is something that everybody should understand. This is a very small city with a very large city problem, and don't forget that ever. I'm not scared to go out at night but don't let your guard down and be stupid either and why roll the dice with your life when statistically you can purposefully do things during times that are safer. It's your life your decision and my point here is as I left myself wide open tonight but I felt fired up and good and I had not felt this well in months and I needed to get out because I have been sick for a long time and I even ran a little bit tonight with my dog I just had so much energy and praying to God it stays however a lot of its prednisone but a lot of it to you I'm too happy body wants to exercise getting stronger and stronger happier and happier lungs you can feel when your healing even through being sick even if it last 4 months I still feel all the healing I'm sick because my body is getting rid of all the b******* that was left over there's a last vestiges of chemicals that had me completely polluted and almost dead for good and active viral loads of just what causes fever blisters about to knock me out I'm a walking zombie but that's all getting under control. People wonder why I write about the zombie stuff and how I got all that stuff started several years ago and how it proliferated through social media and it was indeed social media and just writing things that put a picture in people's mind so there's a little embellishment that goes on here but the facts are the facts as far as where I brought down sometimes words are used and grammatical errors are made and just like five or six words to go for, is missed but you read through that stuff and find your flow.

I don't have time to edit in to edit in to edit I'm not going to spend my life like that I've already hit the nail on the head and I already know what people like intuitively and people like to read the silly b******* that I like to write but it's all about going on the journey and having a good time and having a little bit of an escape and knowing at the end that you were entertained and fulfilled and that's never a bad thing and when we are more at peace within ourselves and enthralled with life even then we are definitely or so much more help to others and I have always helped others and I will always will help others even though I get bitter or sound bitter sometimes and tonight was one of those nights where God was definitely looking down on me you kept sending me angels and I met some beautiful people and we even exchanged information so that we could speak online and here I get people that roll my eyes because they're so goddamn stupid they can't even understand what I'm saying and they think I'm crazy.

The good things that have happened to me haven't happened to me because I'm crazy the good things have happened to me because I have made contributions and the people that know that take care of one another because that's what good people do and we still always try to help those that aren't in that shape and I'm almost to the point where I am not in that shape recently and I'm picking myself back up nobody else really seems to understand how critical things can get but it doesn't matter to me anymore nobody matters to me anymore I don't love too many people anymore or care about too many people anymore because they don't care about me and I'm not going to offer back a higher amount than I get as I have for most of my life with so many of these people they will get back what they give which is typically nothing or very little and then you get further apart and that's fine because I want to attract greatness not mediocrity and b*******, I've had my plate full of that long enough and feasted on it because I needed good writing material and fun to be wild when you're young and if you missed that in your youth will that's on you I definitely didn't if you regret it or not later that's on you to there's different ways of dealing with things and what you think of me doesn't matter that's my way of dealing with all of this stuff but what I think of me matters and I have very good ideas and principles better than most have a clue I also more than anything love to watch other reaction so I can be.

So now that I'm going to jump into the completely other subject you can think about what you will up above it matters not in the bigger picture what matters is let's go on this adventure and I wish I could tell you even more details but I don't want to make this so terribly long that it becomes a bore, I don't want to write roll your eyes writing because I've honestly seen so many people roll their eyes at me lately when I purposely run my mouth to see what people tolerance levels are and what I'm finding is certainly interesting.

I had an incredible time bringing home my Range Rover tonight with nothing else do you accept try to accomplish something as I have been sick very bad late I decided I would get fit to my vehicle that I finally got the part for.

The first guy I met because he asked me for help was just east of Grantsville one exit down Interstate 68 heading back towards Cumberland and he even indeed earned a BMW that I once owned and that I got from the same guy that I got this Range Rover from and so it's a small world and we both had pictures of the identical car in our phones and compare them and just laughed hysterically and his dad and Joy all of this as we chit chatted together a few minutes as I tightened up some hoses someone else had left loose That we're leaking water.

I made it one more exit and started overheating again and pulled off and found a couple of more little spots so obviously this was something somebody didn't finish and it was not my first time at the rodeo and I came prepared with lots of water tools and snacks and extra stuff but I only made it as far as Frostburg before I finally decided to get towed the rest of the way home so that I didn't damage the vehicle because apart actually blew apart. So hot and right in my face so I got a steam bath but fortunately somehow as soon as it happened in this is the second time it happened I turned so quick I was immediately out of Harm's Way but it was steamed from the radiator hose that exploded.

I also met a fellow named David he was very kind and he was asking me how to get to New Germany State Park to the campgrounds because he was going to meet some friends there and build a sweat lodge and we had wonderful conversation about many things and what I found was that they were great people just west of Cumberland where I found more scummy people than I have ever found in my life and I didn't ever want to say anything like it but since I have lived here from 2002 to 2017 or 15 years I think I'm allowed to say that and I'm quite qualified.

I'm astonished at the culture here and what is acceptable and have people are just so disgusting and selfish towards others and it's because there's a lot of alcohol and drug problems that are deeply embedded into the blue collar and low class or what's left of those two classes and it's tough talking about stuff like this but it's just the raw truth I don't care if somebody likes that or not I'm going to tell it how it is because I am tired of hearing things that are all sugar-coated b*******.

It's time that we educate our way out of these problems and we lift people into better ways of living we have to show them and drag them into a better way of living and that costs money but we must do it or else they will stay left behind and it's not acceptable because life has value and money is b******* that we will just make more of isn't it somebody always pays the bill when we all kick the bucket and money is such b******* we need to move people along you know what will happen when certain things in the modern world are taken care of so that everybody can be productive and feel that they are able to support themselves on the basic level or at least have that sense of security it doesn't need to be a right it should be something that's offered because we can offer it to everybody today and we don't need any more of this disgusting greed and Filthy Rich because these that are filthy rich or those that are filthy rich will be Filthy Rich anyway that will never stop fortunately some of those filthy rich people are the best philanthropists that the world has ever offered so who am I to judge overall but what is important to me is that certain things in society need to start being offered for free maybe even buildings with beautiful rings to check in and you can rest and I just mean a cubicle where you can stay the night and have a shower type of thing and that's it you ain't go to a general cafeteria in that way people want to have to feel homeless because you steal a man's Pride that way and you can't charge so much money for a hotel room nobody can afford it plus problems in life and responsible societies and cultures take care of their people they don't leave them behind and drop out and just don't give a s*** about them and that's what's happening today in a very judgemental disgustingly terrible world full of sin more than I've ever seen before and then when I left this area it seemed like they went to a different world today and people were kind and it be stored faith in humanity almost important on a personal level it gave me such a lift you just couldn't believe and there were other people that asked to and that does not happen in Northern Virginia and Alexandria where I grew up just thankful that all of those beautiful people cared enough to ask. I did have a beautiful black Range Rover and a very pretty dog and it never hurts to look decent and let other know that you take care of yourself because it shines and shows when you do and when you do goodness is attracted to you like you are attracted to hips and all of the bad gets pushed far far away or stays far away because it knows better and that is exactly where I am and my life and synchronicity was perfect tonight in this adventure of shows was precisely what I needed exactly when I needed it because at least these strangers were people that cared about me in my life when the people that say they are my friends absolutely don't give a s***and rarely even answer me anymore.

Thinking About the Pasts Sciences and In the Future Worlds On Their Way, Man-made

Imagine if you will the finest Builders, designers, and engineers, in ancient Egypt long, long, ago utilizing spooky action-at-a-distance type of theory ... but we're what they figured out was basically that if we make what isn't here... then one day it will become exactly what we wanted and precisely when we wanted also... But without the heavy lifting so to speak. Now that I say that and words that everybody can understand yes more or less because there aren't words or the rest of the thought or Theory to back up what I have said.

So many times I have said things or published things in particular where I definitely published first and then the news took my idea or basically my idea is just taken and yes it could be coincidence there are hundreds of millions no wait there are billions of people in this world so it's bound and likely to happen however there are some phrases and some things that are just so absolutely unique I truly do think some of them a lot that is for sure there's more credit than never goes around the credit that does Finley get spread around sadly enough in that goes with all professions and all walks of life but we don't live for credit we live to help the Next Generation and we live to promote life and we live to teach the appreciation of life and to continue towards what is good for us what we call the light which is indeed good for us even the sunshine ... source.

It is where the quantum computer of data that projects us through this Twisted Mobius strip, thus mobiustripz, that indeed I see us twisting and turning through the fabric of space-time and over that event horizon is home and that's why we can't see it if you know what I mean but it's there and we know it we know it through science at long last it's just that everybody's scared to call it what it is and every single galaxy has a black hole in the middle of it and in that Galaxy live that God and in this great Universe perhaps one God as we already perceived so often but I know that science says back my God of this galaxy exists over the Event Horizon and through that black hole in that very well will lead into another dimension of space without Dept mathematics proves this.

Now if that doesn't sound crazy enough my point is this if you could figure out how to make something's opposite which something so massive is the pyramids would be incredible amount of nothingness but a lattice in which to fill and that then you knew how to place that matter in that position well you might learn the finest way to construct buildings my question is why aren't there more and the answer to that as is because it takes time for sure there's no shortcut for time sometimes at least when we're human mathematics proves that yes there are plenty of shortcuts to time but not for us as humans at least yet there's many that are thinking far beyond and outside of the box and I think humanity is going into an awesome place and we are going to shed a lot of terrible nonsense that we all have to tolerate today I think we are just going to see things change on a wholesale level soon one day we're all going to step out doors and realize we're living in a future that is far different from the past instead of a future that seems identical to the past or maybe not even as good as the past I think we are about to launch into this new marvelous incredible place and although I am almost 50 I may not see that in my lifetime this incredible place but I'm dreaming about it and thinking about it wondering how am I going to contribute and what can I learn so that I can continue to hopefully add to the quality of life for human beings something that will offer back continually long after I am gone. I only think that way it's because I was brought up that way and I've been fortunate with wonderful examples of parents, siblings, and Friends and that is without a doubt the truth.

Anyhow I just like to think of these most outrageous of things because I watch documentaries and I read and I imagine and I think of that future that we don't live in yet but it's coming and I'm glad we're going to be shedding all of the ugly because there is a lot of ugly to shed..

There is much great Beauty to come and that is certainly without doubt. It's very tough getting there and that is the now we are living through it is time to work and work hard in dream larger than you can imagine nothing about that statement two Universe Pros as does thought as does your mind so use it and work it too and if you want to cope with bad stress play a musical instrument and the voice doesn't count has to be something tangible even hand as something else to somebody else.

Narco Trippin' ~ Poetry / Lyric ~ Fentanyl Diaries

At first...

Finally pain free I rejoice as youthful once again.

Then we dance...
and dance...
and dance.

Never your cadence over bound !

Now I'm changing and rearranging, will you work with me?

My air conditioned cell an icy 65, while I'm a nuclear furnace sweating intensely just dosed, and outside just 8 feet away through plate glass it's 108 !!!

Damn it, I need a bong hit Lord, to keep the sin away ! Keep all this pain at bay !

It all sounds so crazy, this private love affair, a deserved end !... I'm quelled.

Take a look at my MRI !!!

I stand ...

At all much less walk us pure daily miracle...

medical personal equality under a paradigm broken that forgets about the sickly like me,
I was such a good actor,
no one could see me,
for the freak I am.

It's quiet now,
Just like I asked right?
Dying inside,
Nowhere to run and hide,
alone with my pets,
my house of sin,
and belongings,
no one will share this place of mine,
this den of death and antiquity,
a noose on Chris' birthday,
as Chester so did take,
cowards come walk my way,
Forged it seems through fire,
I was born of military pride,
Regal royal blood,
molested by a son of a bitch Muslim his self a victim of such sinister sin,
his school growing up,
The men in charge,
As the Catholic church falls,
and the jihad only grows,
I had hoped to see this nonsense all end,
As sin only begets more sin,
and we all know the theif always steal away your soul in the night in the end,
as we all must one day so sleep,
it's all on these parts as a miserable dream,
however...

within these folds in-between,
I watched the most beautiful and precious of everything,
and oh dear lord the beauty that abounds and rises above all,
certainly must inspire...

Right?

And so listen,
what of faith?

Why within often quiet and alone,
and hurt so worse my best of friends now home,
no harm or foul really.

Others...
unwilling to leave me be,
why must you bother me in my life?,
as I've suffered enough already,
and I'm simply trying to study, write, learn, offer back,
practice principles in preparation,
for one last test,
In which I will want to be so finely prepared as I go home.

The worst contemplation upon any mind is most certainly that if taking a final test all nerves and upon flunking, understanding you will be left out,
not going to heaven... EVER... and that no matter how you tried, in fear you never loved and yet so wasted life crying over suffering and pain instead of knowing your being forged for greatness ahead.

So what now do you choose?

Crackberry Kush has me contemplate these run ins of life with the most certain of all shared destinies ahead where we all shall pass without doubt,
the portal that is death.

and...

As I observe the scales  so sharply out of balance,
I wonder how to counter one last time so that balance and fairness may be restored, however,
perhaps I shall just sit back and observe,
as I already know just how this dance goes,

And

Did I not indeed set all the pieces upon the table?,
So precisely and exactly as I had intended?,
These are all moves upon a table,
no defenses I'll crush my last move,
Precisely as I had so intended.

Like a snake I want to strike,
coiled up powerful and fast,
quickly back to coiling and stringing again,
however many times needed until fallen you have at last.

Paranoid,
I attack,
Right,
I attack,
Wrong,
I attack,
Left,
I attack,
Sun Tzu on deaf ears am I.

Wasted inefficient energy,
wasted intent,
misspent resources.
Ego and Pride never conquer strategy!

It's in my blood that I must fight,
a warriors soul and a heart of a lion,
but weak I am in pain,
Chemistry saves me,
Pharmacology,
a molecule or two,
Changes and changing outcomes,
Factors offered you to overcome,
I feel the heat and the relief,
from the fire and pain of my nerves,
awash in a viral bed of neural sin.

This is all from imagination,
As I skate on the thin ice of a new day,
born again I she'd my old vessel at long last,
I teleport after my telomeres,
A program divine,
shuts this old vessel down,
to get a trade in,
and come back again and again.

So,
Look for me when your here,
You'll know me by my eyes,
Look deep within,
It's where I still reside,
I'll always be your friend.